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Original poster

Is husband being unreasonable about baby's needles

345 replies

bigmamama · 18/02/2020 07:57

Hi so me and my husband are currently at logger heads about taking our 6mo for his needles which is tomorrow.
So basically he has missed his needles as he was poorly when they were due at 3 months old, he was in hospital with bronchiolitis and it just kept getting put on the back burner as he had virus after virus and spent a bit of time in and out of hospital over the Xmas period and was sent for some tests to check all was ok. And it was. so now his needles are due tomorrow and my husband has said he doesn't want the baby to have them as he thinks it will set him back, make him poorly, he's too small, he thinks the government are just trying to scare monger people into having them done etc.
I want the baby to have his needles especially since our 3yo has had them done! I really don't want to take the baby to get them behind his back but he's not budging on this!

OP posts:
Whoopsmahoot · 18/02/2020 11:02

FFS get them done, he's being an uneducated idiot and putting his child at risk.

atomicblonde30 · 18/02/2020 11:05

It’s a case of babies health and husbands feelings in all honesty- which one is more important to you?

As you have parental responsibility you can take baby for whatever healthcare (this includes imms) you seem appropriate without consent as can dad of course.

inicecoldblood · 18/02/2020 11:05

I'm sorry but I'd rather deal with the fallout of getting the vaccinations done behind his back then try to change his mind. Your his mother act like it!

MrsStrangerThing · 18/02/2020 11:05

Sorry op but I am another one who thinks language is everything. I suspect the term 'needles' is perpetuating his fear. It maximises negativity and minimises the purpose of the 'needles'. I would start referring to it as immunisations, to emphasise the importance of having these 'needles'. Why not compromise by booking a GP appt first to ensure the doctor feels he is fully recovered from his previous illness?

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 18/02/2020 11:06

She can call them what she like here but maybe the word is triggering her DH?

Please don't call them needles

That's scary

Needle is no scarier than jab, or vaccination, or whatever other word is used in your region to denote something being stuck into your arm. It's the concept that makes people scared, not the word 'needle'.

In any event, if a man is 'triggered' by the word 'needle' then he needs to have an open conversation with his wife about his issues and address them himself, not decide to go against medical advice for his child because of an imagined government conspiracy.

greathat · 18/02/2020 11:06

Vaccines should not be negotiable. If he has genuine concerns get him to talk to a medical practitioner. If he's reading shit on the internet tell him to get a grip

Jux · 18/02/2020 11:06

Anti-vaxxers are harming everyone else. Look at the mumps outbreak currently going on among Uni students! That's entirely down to anti-vaxxers.

TheyDoDoThat · 18/02/2020 11:07

This would be a deal breaker for me. It shows that he would rather believe dangerous conspiracy theories and put his own children. I wouldn’t trust an anti vac loon with my child.

PenScribble · 18/02/2020 11:07

Vaccinations are important.

Vaccinations prevent nasty horrible diseases which can lead to death.

Your BIL is a bloody idiot.

ActualHornist · 18/02/2020 11:09

This is the sort of thing where I’d think my husband had maybe had a breakdown if he said it.

Maybe I’m a proper hardarse but I would just be telling him it’s happening, our baby needs the protection, and he can object as much as he wants but it is happening. And I would also tell him that I think his brother is an idiot.

By the way, whooping cough was doing the rounds when my brother was born. He almost died in hospital as he caught it before he had had the vaccination. It’s partly this but mainly common sense that makes me feel so strongly.

chuttypicks · 18/02/2020 11:10

Tell your DH that he's right. There really is no need to have vaccinations done on children, unless of course you want them to live to adulthood. If he's happy for your DC to die of an easily preventable childhood illness, then cancel the appointment for the "needles".

Yes, you're reading my sarcasm correctly, and yes, your husband is a dick.

ElderAve · 18/02/2020 11:14

I don't think OP can do it behind DHs back, he's acting out of love and concern for their baby, even if he is wrong. Imagine how you'd feel if your concerns were trampled over in this way. The vaccinations do need to happen though. If you can't agree, you still need to tell him in advance.

Out of interest does anyone know what he legal position would be? Would it ever come to that?

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/02/2020 11:14

What did the doctors advise you to do, when baby was in hospital about vaccinations?

Angelw · 18/02/2020 11:15

Why are they being called needles? Are we talking baby immunisations? Some at this stage are given orally

pointythings · 18/02/2020 11:15

Waiting until he is 1 isn't safe. Because of antivaxxers like your BIL there is a higher risk of your baby actually catching one of these diseases. Your child is well enough to have his jabs so go do them. You could go as far as rescheduling if you can get another slot soon, but don't go further than that.

Your husband needs to be told that your child will be getting his jabs asap and that you will not put up with his scientifically illiterate nonsense. This has to be a dealbreaker, for your baby's sake.

It's understandable that your husband has been shaken by seeing his baby so ill, but risking further serious illness is not a solution.

Original poster
bigmamama · 18/02/2020 11:16

Just to also clarify - my husband isn't triggered or have any fear by the word Needles. We all say it here where I'm from. I don't understand why everybody is more bothered about me saying needles then the actual thread.
Also not interested in people's sarcasm and calling my husband a loon,dick,weirdo and whatever else. Kindly keep your name calling to yourself please and sarcasm.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 18/02/2020 11:16

Just do it but don’t tell him.

ArriettyJones · 18/02/2020 11:18

Needle is no scarier than jab, or vaccination, or whatever other word is used in your region to denote something being stuck into your arm. It's the concept that makes people scared, not the word 'needle'.

Jab is just as evocative as needles. I wouldn’t use either to a needle-phobic for example. But vaccination doesn’t conjure a graphic image. Polio vaccine is sometimes given orally on a sugar lump.

Anyway, what the rest of my post said was to keep emphasising “protection”, and skip the specific terms entirely. She is not dealing with a rational man. It is immaterial what he “should” do. She has to work with him as he is.

marns · 18/02/2020 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArriettyJones · 18/02/2020 11:20

Just to also clarify - my husband isn't triggered or have any fear by the word Needles. We all say it here where I'm from. I don't understand why everybody is more bothered about me saying needles then the actual thread.

Well if he is not needle phobic and it is a purely anti-vax position (and which his family share), then rebook it for next week (as you said in your previous post) and make him come along and at least discuss it with the HCP.

MrsStrangerThing · 18/02/2020 11:21

Sorry op, I guess I was making the connection because I don't know anyone else who calls it needle and I don't know anyone else who is refusing to have immunisations!

In that case, if you are sure the needle isn't the issue, then you need to bring him with you to the GP, have baby checked out and ask the GP to explain to him why the NHS recommend vaccinations. Hopefully that will help him to see sense.

Cacaca · 18/02/2020 11:22

@bigmamama can guarantee these are the people that are sharing the ‘be kind’ posts on their social media. Yet happy to come on here and slate you for using needles.

Angelw · 18/02/2020 11:22

Get your baby immunised as it helps his body to build an immunity to what would otherwise be a fatal illness. You really don’t need to think twice about this. Ask your husband to not compare any 2 babies, they are all different.
Oh and he doesn’t know for sure that his brothers wife didn’t secretly take her baby to have the immunisations. Speak to your health visitor about your concerns.

APurpleSquirrel · 18/02/2020 11:22

It must really hard to disagree on this. My DH & I are in complete agreement about getting all jabs done when they're needed.

Is he perhaps scared because DC has been so ill? Did he have the same fears etc with your first child? If not, why?

The problem you have, is that the further you push each set back will push the next ones back & your child will be not protected by the vaccines for longer not only exposing them to those illnesses & consequences but also to being a carrier & spreading it to other vulnerable people who can't be vaccinated.

Kanga83 · 18/02/2020 11:23

Do it. You've seen what bronchiolitis can do- the immunisation will protect from far worse than that.

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