For contemplating leaving mumsnet?

[thewigglewalk]

In the wake of the death of Caroline Flack, I have realised that enough is enough and I need to reduce the levels of negativity in my life.

I don't want to be part of anything that contributes to the downfall of any individual's mental health.

Not a big thing, but I deleted my daily mail app (I shouldn't have been on there anyway as it a truly disgusting newspaper).

I am also reducing my social media presence.

I have noticed that despite how much we highlight the impact of trolling and words online, mumsnet has far too many posts etc that are bullying and negative.

I don't want to take away how supportive this place is, but for some this is a hub for them to bully and make other people feel small.

Am I over reacting to delete my mumsnet too?

Does anyone else feel the same?

[CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate]

Why does someone who knows they are being trolled on social media still keep on logging onto their Facebook or Twitter account and read the vile stuff that people post about them?

That's slightly different to what I'm saying.

If the thread is not started by the OP - is say about some random topic in AIBU or elsewhere - then there is literally no compulsion to keep reading the thread. You can hide it, ignore it, tell everyone they're mean and then leave (flounce) if you want, you can report individual posters...but what you definitely do not have to do is keep reading.

And if you're worried about negativity there are literally hundreds of 'calmer' topic areas to go to. Why purposely go to AIBU or hot trending topics that usually a bit volatile? Then complain afterwards.

You have a choice. It's reminds me of people I see in these weight loss programs who blame other people they live with for buying sweets or chocolate for themselves because they might be tempted to eat them too. It's your responsibility to choose to avoid threads that upset you and MN gives you that power.

[MrHodgeymaheg]

I think you just have to remember that you have never met any of these people. The person spouting hateful bollocks could be a 13 year old kid or some guy who hates women and loves anonymously winding them up (Let's face it, there are a few of them on MN). MN isn't always what you think it is. I don't take a great deal of it seriously and I have very little SM as it is so hysterical and far removed from reality, it is almost farcical. I wish the rest of the world saw it too.

It is funny how the people who post the most hateful stuff are on this forum ALL DAY. Says a lot really doesn't it? Yes they will tell you that they have a 5 bedroom house, busy social life and a wonderful career, but yet they are on MN everyday, all day, having polarised views for the sake of arguing, or deliberately upsetting people. Sounds like a happy, successful person to me. 🤔

If you can't ignore, delete. Life is great without FB, Twitter etc. I hover over the telly addicts section mainly on here, and rarely venture on AIBU as I felt the same in the past, but now I find people's reactions n AIBU quite funny these days.

[longestlurkerever]

@friendlyflicker i agree. I used to walk around oblivious to the many negative judgements people were making about me and my kids. Mumsnet is a glimpse into the inner thoughts of other people and they're not pretty. And the sneering, i can't bear it. I have thought about leaving too. But i have also made some lovely friends on the site. It's a dilemma.

[Babyg1995]

Yanbu if it effects you that way I'm mostly just on the parenting/ pregnancy threads but have come across some horrible people on here I just avoid and ignore.

[NoMoreDickheads]

It is funny how the people who post the most hateful stuff are on this forum ALL DAY. Says a lot really doesn't it?

Aww @MrHodgeymaheg , we're not al like that. I came across a right b on here today, but she was one of only a few I've come across, well, targeted at me anyway.

[Paintedmaypole]

Very true MrHodgeymaheg re the people with successful careers, busy social lives and large houses who somehow find the time and feel the need to spend all day arguing on here. The books section is my favourite but I find AIBU strangely addictive even though a lot of it is bollocks. It is a bit of an eye opener how some people think.

[Moomin8]

FWIW I do agree that people often wilfully misinterpret or imagine things that the OP has not said.

But anyone who needs to do that is a sad pathetic person with not much of a life.

In the early days of mumsnet it was much smaller but that had its own disadvantages. People being berated for buying things they couldn't afford because people knew who they were and their circumstances.

But in regards to mental health. Services have been cut and it's not only celebrities who take their own lives. Maybe think about what you could do to address that 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Subtractingcalories]

YANBU to want to moderate your presence on sm etc but Mumsnet is a big site and you can choose to just post under a few non-contentious topics that are of interest to you.

[chuffoff]

I posted on a Telly Addicts thread last week. It was one of the most vicious hateful threads I've ever been on.

[Kirkman]

Telly addicts can be brutal. I read a couple of the love island threads last year. I was really bad, imo.

[CupoTeap]

Leaving is one option. Or if you mostly like it here then help make it better. Be the kind voice. Report anything that should be. Don't let them small number of whatever you want to call them, become the majority.

Op surely the biggest thing to take away from all of this is that we should be kind together.

[Aridane]

I posted on a Telly Addicts thread last week. It was one of the most vicious hateful threads I've ever been on.

Oh my

Come over to Gardening- someone once said the only thugs on Gardening was mint!

[JinglingHellsBells]

@thewigglewalk Do you really think that asking on MN is the way to make up your mind?

Your post comes over as a dig of the site and a bit goady, winding everyone up.

If you want to stop posting or delete your account, just do it.

It's not a case of being 'unreasonable'. That makes you sound like a dram queen, asking for attention over something really quite trivial in the context of life and what's going on in the world.

[longwayoff]

You may have a point OP, this is school playground stuff and terminally boring. If the viciously expressed opinions of people you don't know, who don't know you, are so distressing you should leave. Or as pp, stay off AIBU until you feel more robust. It's not real life and you are giving it too much significance.

[bringincrazyback]

Your post comes over as a dig of the site

Maybe in some regards that's warranted.

[EnthusiasmIsDisturbed]

I agree that MN shouldn’t be above criticism

The bullying isn’t always dealt with

And the threads on Megan Markle were often utterly appalling- still revived lots of posts which in turn is always good for MN

[MrHodgeymaheg]

I never noticed that about telly addicts (unless someone drops a spoiler), but then my viewing habits are rather tame and the threads I post on aren't probably high traffic.

I think some people are determined to be right at all costs. They think that they are doing the person on the receiving end a favour, as they clearly can't be as smart as them if they don't agree with them.

[friendlyflicka]

@longestlurkerever Glad you understand. Just find that the judgements from everywhere, that I would never have been in contact with pre-internet, on the most banal details of life, keep echoing in my head. Not even exactly judgements, just me comparing my basic choices to those of complete strangers And I find it a bid depressing

[Sallygoround631]

Who the fuck has a daily mail app?

[Lycidas]

The people who actually intend to leave never announce it, they just disappear.