For contemplating leaving mumsnet?

[thewigglewalk]

In the wake of the death of Caroline Flack, I have realised that enough is enough and I need to reduce the levels of negativity in my life.

I don't want to be part of anything that contributes to the downfall of any individual's mental health.

Not a big thing, but I deleted my daily mail app (I shouldn't have been on there anyway as it a truly disgusting newspaper).

I am also reducing my social media presence.

I have noticed that despite how much we highlight the impact of trolling and words online, mumsnet has far too many posts etc that are bullying and negative.

I don't want to take away how supportive this place is, but for some this is a hub for them to bully and make other people feel small.

Am I over reacting to delete my mumsnet too?

Does anyone else feel the same?

[Sparklingbrook]

Probably best not to say @BecauseReasons, that way madness lies. I am sure there are many that would use it for me though.

[BecauseReasons]

What does any of this have to do with caroline flack?

It's like new year's- everyone is making resolutions to turn over a new leaf and be better people. They'll all have forgotten by the middle of next month.

But then, I'm a cynic.

[Armi]

I regularly think about leaving because of all the stupid twats (or ‘people who don’t agree with me’ as they are sometimes known). But there are stupid twats everywhere and at least I know which ones to avoid on here.

For future reference, OP, it’s better to don your sunglasses, slip on your coat and fade silently and mysteriously back into the dark, outer reaches of the MN universe until you are ready to re-emerge, like Halley’s Comet when the time is right.

[BlueEyedFloozy]

@Nothing2doooooo reading back I see what you mean, sometimes I struggle to get my thoughts to make sense on 'paper'.

I don't necessarily mean fake as in persona, more in terms of the human psyche. I don't think it's in our nature to ALWAYS be positive, see the best in everything and ignore anything that doesn't fit that box. Which is what I think some (not necessarily the OP) seem to expect.

Hopefully that makes some sense!

[MimiLaRue]

I don't want to be part of anything that contributes to the downfall of any individual's mental health

I'm sorry but I dont get this point- are you saying that simply being on MN is contributing to suicide? or mental illness? Because having worked in a psych ward for many years thats not really the case. YES, looking at social media when you are feeling low isn't helpful and can be damaging but clearly, not everyone on social media is depressed and suicidal so that must mean there are other factors at play. Depression can be both clinical- a chemical imbalance the brain and reactive- due to circumstances.

If people feel social media is harmful to them then they should absolutely delete SM and stay off it. With regard to CF, she was clearly very obviously mentally unwell before this court case even came to be. The fact she was having physical fights with her boyfriend and self harming to the point the scene was splattered with her blood is evidence of that. She should have been sectioned then in my opinion, then maybe she could have got the appropriate assessment/treatment.

If you feel MN is harmful or damaging to you in any way then yes, I would agree you need to delete it. I guess I'm just not sure what the point of announcing it is?

[SirChing]

I think that part of the problem is that Mumsnet has always been robust, and that's fine (or it has for the past 10 years I have been here anyway). But in the past, home truths were delivered in a sometimes harsh but largely fair manner.

Lots of posters had the ability to gently poke fun ar the OP or other posters, in a way that was funny but didn't cause hurt. And most posters used to base their replies on facts. .

Now, it seems many posters base their comments on what they "think" has been written rather than what has actually been written. They make assumptions about things that have happened which haven't been said. They almost wilfully misinterpret what the OP says to try to catch them out. And there is little of the forthrightness tempered with kindness that there used to be.

Now, people are often just forthright in a really horrible, pile on type way. I have seen threads where the OP has discussed that they believe they have been raped and their depiction of events has certainly suggested that, where some posters have said "you aren't a victim, you haven't been raped, you consented, you need to take responsibility" and then just continued to post "this is not rape" on further posts. Just breathtaking nastiness.

I don't know what the answer is apart from reporting this behaviour, but I am starting to think that the hands off approach to moderating isn't working that well now.

[thewigglewalk]

Cool...so many of you are right, I shouldn't have posted.

Thanks for the feedback!!

[Sparklingbrook]

Of course you should have posted @thewigglewalk, you can post whatever you want.

[DowntownAbby]

I think you should crack on and delete your account.

[SirChing]

@thewigglewalk Of course you should have posted. It's a forum precisely for that. It's just that, at the moment, it is cool for people to seem really cynical and "tell it how it is" (in other words talk shite in a way that supposedly exonerates them from any effect on the feelings of others).

[beckywiththeshithair33]

I feel that social media has got cruel over the years and some of that has transcended into unnecessary nastiness that can lead to a lot of hurt.

The issue I find it arrogance. People are so convinced that their opinions are right. They talk as if what they believe is fact. They talk about celebrities as if they know them and what goes on behind their closed doors. All because they've read the biased bullshit printed in the disgraceful British press.

In some ways it's the same on here. People having relationship issues told immediately that their partner must be having an affair or to LTB because there are relationship issues. People arguing and being offensive over differing parenting styles. No respect or tolerance for any opinion that differs from their own. And in fact a fair amount of hostility towards it too.

I'm not a beacon of positivity and I don't believe kindness will solve everything. We should be able to disagree and have debates but we should also be respectful and not stick the boot in when it's not needed. Some people seem to get genuine pleasure from upsetting others and they are the ones who contribute to this toxic society and people feeling desperate enough to commit suicide.

[Notimeforaname]

I understand your point OP.

Recently I had someone calling me names because I was nice about them having a different opinion to me
Cursing over and over again because I wasn't annoyed with their difference of opinion.

It just made me laugh though.

[Babdoc]

Any online forum will have its share of trolls and unpleasant people posting cruel or goading comments.
If they’re particularly offensive you can report them, but otherwise simply ignore them. That really bugs the attention seekers!
I fine the majority of posters are intelligent, witty and helpful. There is a wealth of specialist knowledge here on MN, in every conceivable specialist field. You can access advice from lawyers, doctors, vicars, psychologists, tradespeople, you name it. By leaving, you would be cutting yourself off from a valuable resource - why not stay, be selective who you engage with, and ignore the crap?

[Notimeforaname]

Some people just goad and argue for the sake of it.
Just be happy you don't have their mindset.

[MimiLaRue]

I feel that social media has got cruel over the years

I dont think people have become "more" cruel, bullies will always be bullies, I think the problem now is that you cannot escape it. For example, if you were being bullied at school in the 90s or at college or work or wherever, you'd go home and it would be a welcome respite from the nastiness. It was a safe haven. Then you'd gather your strength to face again it the next day.

But now, you cant get away from it. You go home and its there- on your computer, iPad, phone, tablet etc on twitter, on instagram, on facebook etc etc- its now in your home and you get notifications on your phone (most people have their phone with them at all times). Twitter is active 24/7, as are other media sites so your "safe haven" has been invaded and you literally cannot get away from it. There is no respite from it at all. Unless you literally delete everything.

[SirChing]

@beckywiththeshithair33 100%. Call the nasty ones out on it though, and all of a sudden they are the victims and how dare anyone be so hurtful as to criticise them. Lots of "dishing it but can't take it" on here.

[AnneOfTeenFables]

People post about lots of things. It's just a bit odd if you're asking people to discuss 'thinking' about leaving. Most people float in and out of social media as it suits them. They don't need to discuss or justify it. In fact, for some people, asking them to share their reasons wouldn't be healthy. I hope you got from this thread whatever you wanted to get.
I agree with Mimi that MH is complicated. The superficial response of be kind and ask people to be uncritical is neither sustainable nor an adequate response to MH issues.
I've found it quite eye opening how little people understand MH issues by their responses to the current news stories. So many people and organisations trying to raise awareness and yet current social media comments show most people don't understand MH difficulties or DV or the media, or even the CPS, at all. It hasn't stopped them from pontificating though.

[Bluntness100]

If you don't like it don't use it, there are plenty of sites to choose from. There are approx 16 million members on here, people come and go all the time. There is no need to announce you're leaving and why. We wouldn't have any normal threads if everyone did that. 🤣

[whiskybysidedoor]

You’ve always got remember with mumsnet and social media in general that it’s not real. Over the years you notice on here that if it gets a bit quiet someone posts something controversial and off it goes again. Parking or a birthday party issue usually gets everyone going, then if that fails a good MiL one or the like. It’s like clockwork.

The daily mail is what it is, but looking at it today seeing people trying to get exposure off the sad death of CF is quite nauseating but honestly normal people do see through it.

You don’t have to flounce you just have to put in perspective. All these social media sites exist to make money, its important to remember. On them no one cares about reality, just look at Facebook and Instagram. It’s not true, it’s not real, let it amuse you, help you, entertain you but never give it power over you.

[AlanRickmanFanClub]

YANBU if that's how you feel and no I don't feel the same. If I did I would simply leave and wouldn't feel the need to make a thread about it.

[heartsonacake]

So go. We don’t need to be told.

[ItsPeanutButterJelly]

I'm with you, OP. I deleted my Tattle Life account this morning and imagine Mumsnet will go the same way

[bringincrazyback]

YANBU in the slightest, OP. I feel the same way, have done for some time now. There are some wonderfully kind and supportive boards and posters on other parts of MN, but AIBU's been going from bad to worse for a while now and the sneering over 'flouncers' on this thread serves to heighten my feeling that this isn't a place where I should be spending my time. It seems as though any sentiment that can possibly be perceived as being in any way soft-hearted is taken as a rallying call for those who still retain a playground bullying streak to display it loud and proud, and the sheer needless nastiness of some posts is disgusting.
Considering what AIBU is descending into, plus the way the trans debate is being allowed to hijack so much else that's worthy of discussion on Mumsnet, I'm seriously considering a break from here.

[NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace]

No, I don't feel the same. My mental health is absolutely A1 and I can't see it being affected by anything that anyone posts here. I'm resilient: it'd take something major to seriously trouble me.

I enjoy the interaction and ..... I'm staying to chat

[bringincrazyback]

Surely you are better staying and posting positively?

What's the point, though, when some people sneer at positivity too?