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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

For contemplating leaving mumsnet?

220 replies

thewigglewalk · 17/02/2020 16:50

In the wake of the death of Caroline Flack, I have realised that enough is enough and I need to reduce the levels of negativity in my life.

I don't want to be part of anything that contributes to the downfall of any individual's mental health.

Not a big thing, but I deleted my daily mail app (I shouldn't have been on there anyway as it a truly disgusting newspaper).

I am also reducing my social media presence.

I have noticed that despite how much we highlight the impact of trolling and words online, mumsnet has far too many posts etc that are bullying and negative.

I don't want to take away how supportive this place is, but for some this is a hub for them to bully and make other people feel small.

Am I over reacting to delete my mumsnet too?

Does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:

Mlou32 · 17/02/2020 19:34

YANBU. There is a lot toxicity on MN and it isn't just limited to MN, it's all over the internet in fact.

I deleted all my social media for a month; facebook, Instagram, stopped going on MN. I noticed such a difference in my mood. I felt more free. Hours were freed up, hours that I spent mindlessly scrolling on SM. I really felt so different. I actually have no idea why I went back on it all and am considering removing myself from it all again.

Even just try it for a month and see how you feel, make your mind up then.

SonjaMorgan · 17/02/2020 19:35

It can be vile on here, lots of covert racism, sexism and daily mail reader points of view. But that life isn't it, lots of horrid selfish people. I am not exempt but I find reading other people's nasty comments makes me more aware of my own behaviour.

Mlou32 · 17/02/2020 19:35

YANBU. There is a lot toxicity on MN and it isn't just limited to MN, it's all over the internet in fact.

Even just try it for a month and see how you feel, make your mind up then.

daisychain01 · 17/02/2020 19:36

I genuinely do not want anyone to beg me to stay...

That's handy then

No honestly, OP think about it this way, MN is a reasonably well moderated forum, people have to behave well, if they don't they can be shown the door. There is also a lot of self-policing on here as well. In general, I find MN is a very pleasant experience - increasingly I find myself just not posting, rather than getting involved in a pile-in. Giving a poster a shoeing isn't nice or kind.

Twitter, Fakebook, Instagram can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. I dereged from Fb 5 years ago and never looked back. Twitter is a den of bile and hatred, Instagram, haven't got a clue but I can't imagine it enhancing my life.

If you're going off anything, it should be the big US behemoth platforms who don't know the meaning of the words social responsibility and they're thieving tax-dodgers too

Buy British!!! as they say. 🇬🇧

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 19:40

bet you post chain letters on Facebook, starting “ only a few of my real friends will repost this “ crap

That part of your post is actually quite funny

Why do people send those chain letters on Facebook!?

BirdieFriendBadge · 17/02/2020 19:41

YA definitely NBU

I've stopped posting on Facebook the last couple of months. Found knowing some people had seen my posts but failed to like them when they were giving other peoples posts the "oh babe your kids are so wonderful" treatment too rough on my mental health. (Goodness knows how celebs deal with bad press when being ignored is enough to make me cry!)

So now I share anything important with a very small group of family who I know want the updates of DC.

But I also know I need to be kinder. To everyone. All the time.

It's easy to get caught up on here. And it's horrible that it is easy. No wonder there are so many trolls out there.

It's a sad state.

So now I use Facebook just for the good parts of it. Animal photos. Keeping in touch with far away family and true friends. And the school/community updates.

My timeline doesn't show anyone's posts who could make me feel jealous or inferior or angry. And the improvement to my (admittedly fragile) mental health is pretty astounding.

And I am making a vow now that I won't be mean/negative online again.

Elliesmommy · 17/02/2020 19:44

YANBU I deleted my daily mail app today. Just as you said the negativity it breeds. I deleted fb and Instagram over the last 2 years. It's been wonderful. More time to do more positive things

SunshineCake · 17/02/2020 19:45

Says it all when someone posts about leaving due to the lack of kindness she has seen she is then given more unkindness. Some people won't learn. Some people are pathetic. We all have the capacity to be nice, supportive, friendly but some people prefer to chose to be horrible.

JosefKeller · 17/02/2020 19:46

I’m getting really uncomfortable with the strong opinion that if you don’t want to be bullied or berated on the internet then don’t use it.

it's true though. If you prefer, if you are not strong enough not to take everything personally and can't handle negativity, you shouldn't be on there.
Some people feel "bullied" because someone has an opinion, or because their "friends" didn't like a post.

I give you an example from another forum today:
Someone posted photos of new high bed made for a child.
One comment: looks great, fab idea, how did you secure the bed, I can't see anything on the photo.
One person took offence and went on a rant about keyboard warrior who criticise everything, that the parent obviously made the bed safe for the child, and people who can't say anything nice should just shut up.
It was only a question on how to replicate the idea...

There are some vile people online, but there are also normal people with different opinion. If you feel bullied and can't handle anything else than a "you are amazing hun", you shouldn't be on social media.

HoneyCupcake · 17/02/2020 19:47

YANBU.

I quite like the chat and parenting sections though- AIBU is horrendous.

JosefKeller · 17/02/2020 19:48

Perfectly illustrates my point:
Found knowing some people had seen my posts but failed to like them when they were giving other peoples posts the "oh babe your kids are so wonderful" treatment too rough on my mental health.
I am sorry but What?

PinkPoutingLilies · 17/02/2020 19:49

Because the OP, is just sympathy gathering.
That’s why I felt the need to be rude.

Because, of the Im leaving social media stance. On social media.

The implied angst.

The mention of the Daily Mail, that was a fail, as it wasn’t called the Daily Fail.

It’s all just so predictable and indicative of the “ for the sake of my mental health brigade”

Some people are genuinely suffering.
Others announce everything to the whole world for sympathy.

It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last

Dont indulge this type of exhibitionism, it doesn’t do them any good

@TruffleShuffles

MimiLaRue · 17/02/2020 19:49

it's true though. If you prefer, if you are not strong enough not to take everything personally and can't handle negativity, you shouldn't be on there

I tend to agree. Of course it would be nice if we could all go online and not have any nastiness but thats never going to happen is it? you cant police every single person online. We cant control others actions but we can control our own and we need to take responsibility for ourselves. If that means deleting SM for a bit then so be it. We need to have realistic goals if we are to achieve them and expecting everyone online to be nice and kind is simply not realistic, no matter how much we would like it to be. WE live in the real world unfortunately, not the ideal world.

HitItAsHardAsYouCan · 17/02/2020 19:49

YANBU Op.
I left MN after the 2015 General Election (returned recently). Posters were calling people cunts and murderers because of their voting choices. I didn’t want to interact with people like that and I think sometimes the moderation (or lack of it) leaves a lot to be desired.

ssd · 17/02/2020 19:50

Op, you must do what's right for you. Maybe just take a break, see how you feel before disappearing forever?

HuntingCuns · 17/02/2020 19:50

I Flounced ostentatiously about 16 years ago, but here I am again.

TruffleShuffles · 17/02/2020 19:52

That is so far from being the level of abuse people receive online though @JosefKeller. You only need to scroll through comments on the likes of ladbible or other highly subscribed pages to see posters being told to kill themselves or die. I don’t think the OP is feeling uncomfortable as people just have a different opinion to her.

PinkiOcelot · 17/02/2020 19:53

You do realise this isn’t an airport? You don’t need to announce your departure!

Jezebel101 · 17/02/2020 19:56

The problem is that some people see any criticism as bullying.

Peoples limits vary but if anyone is feeling bad when they're interacting online, it's a signal to step back. People survived without the internet 30 years ago, and people can survive without it now.

ssd · 17/02/2020 19:56

@HuntingCuns .. I've never flounce, but I was recently put on hold by mn as I got mad one night and posted something out of line. I knew I shouldn't have done it but I was mad about something. Mn closed my account down a bit until I saw sense. I just had a red mist moment.
Anyway, I realised how much I'd miss mn if I was deleted forever, so I got a grip and apologised.

I think I've been here too long to flounce or disappear, it's sort of part of my life now.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 17/02/2020 19:56

Because the OP, is just sympathy gathering.
That’s why I felt the need to be rude.

Because, of the Im leaving social media stance. On social media.

The implied angst.

The mention of the Daily Mail, that was a fail, as it wasn’t called the Daily Fail.

It’s all just so predictable and indicative of the “ for the sake of my mental health brigade”

Some people are genuinely suffering.
Others announce everything to the whole world for sympathy.

It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last

Dont indulge this type of exhibitionism, it doesn’t do them any good

OP has quite clearly asked for peoples opinions on this. Its not a departure announcement.

But thanks, you've proved the point.

Aridane · 17/02/2020 19:56

OP - I hear you. I would just block the sections that are riddled with meanness, hate speech etc . Then You’re left with the bits that aren’t going to offend - eg Telly Addicts, Gardening, Mental Health

Sparklingbrook · 17/02/2020 19:57

That was said first on the thread at 17.18 @PinkiOcelot.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 17/02/2020 19:57

I Flounced ostentatiously about 16 years ago, but here I am again

You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.....

Aridane · 17/02/2020 19:57

This is not an airport, there is no need to announce your departure.

Nor is there any need for you to announce that This is not an Airport

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