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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you want your own snacks in the house you can buy them yourself?

360 replies

notyoursnackbitch · 17/02/2020 15:49

We have two very young DC. I plan and cook all meals, including doing the online food shop. I also work 4 days a week. DH works long hours from home 5 days a week.

He has just stormed out of the kitchen because he "never has any fucking food in this house" after I told him not to eat the snacks I was about to give DC.

AIBU to think at, approaching 40, he can buy his own fucking snacks if he wants them? Am I now everyone's personal snack bitch? And why would he think it's reasonable to eat food that's been bought for our 1 year old?!

OP posts:

woodchuck99 · 19/02/2020 09:27

When we do a shop we ask each other who wants what

So does OP! Read the thread!

Crinklesmile · 19/02/2020 09:29

Yanbu.
I buy (weekly) all lunch box food/bars/crisps etc and keep them in two boxes, one for the children (wotsits/milkyways etc) and one for my dh (cereal bars/mccoys/other stuff he likes)
Those two boxes are off limits for random snacking. There is plenty else in the cupboards, lots of fruit and biscuits/crackers etc. I can't be arsed doing multiple shops a week, and dont do online. If we are having a night in or watching a movie etc usually dh goes on a treat run and gets what we all want.
On a side note- he wouldn't eat stuff bought in for the kids.
I agree too with a previous poster, sometimes a budget wont allow to just keep buying more!

woodchuck99 · 19/02/2020 09:32

That's what we do. Whoever does the shop that week asks and, perhaps amazingly for this thread, we also notice if we run out of things the other likes and get a little more the following week.

The amazing thing about this thread is that apart from the number of stepford wives, so many posters don't seem to be able to read. OP has already said that she asked her DH what he wants and is not asking for tips on how to make sure that he doesn't suffer from lack of snacks in the future. The issue is that her DH is blaming her for his lack of foresight and also for the fact that despite working at home he has failed to notice that he has eaten all his snacks and not bothered to go to the shops to get some more.

phoenixrosehere · 19/02/2020 09:32

we also notice if we run out of things the other likes and get a little more the following week.

Doubt the DH does or he would have said something or shocker got it himself.

We ask each other since we may not want the same things each week vs just assuming the other person wants a repeat or we grab said items ourselves if we’re able to.

FemiLANGul · 19/02/2020 09:47

When we do a shop we ask each other who wants what

Wow, that's a groundbreaking idea. Wonder if the OP thought of that? Might need to RTFT to check.

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2020 10:03

woodchuck99
I don't think DH and I tell each other "please put in 3 packets of... As I ran out last week when you only bought 2".
I ran out of nice tea last week. DH bought two boxes this week because he'd noticed earlier in the week when we were talking that I'd mentioned running out.

The OP's DH has been unreasonably stroppy and his language for the situation was out of order, if he desperately wanted a particular snack there and then he should suck it up and go to the shop, but I can't get on board with the idea that adding a little extra to the shop so you don't run out is the end of the world.

woodchuck99 · 19/02/2020 10:13

I ran out of nice tea last week. DH bought two boxes this week because he'd noticed earlier in the week when we were talking that I'd mentioned running out.

Yes, but would you have tantrum if he hadn't noticed that you had run out of nice tea or would you think that as it is only something you drink, it would be more up to you to notice especially if you were home all day?

Nobody has said that "it is the end of the world". They are just taking making the point that it won't help and even if it did in future it is irrelevant to the question of whether he is being incredibly unreasonable now.

frazzledasarock · 19/02/2020 10:37

It’s interesting how people live.

I’ve not got much space (or money come to that) in our house for endless of snacks.

DP is the snack fiend in our house, so he buys the snacks, he will keep buying snacks, but I pointed out the massive dent in our budget it caused, told him to buy himself snacks regularly but for the rest of us once it’s gone its gone till we do our next monthly shop. I make snacks at home, because I have time right now.

DP has stopped buying so much snacks for himself as well, and will eat cheese and crackers if he fancies something in between meals. He will also sit and share it with the children.

Ex used to eat all the snacks in the house, he’d even take crisps off the dc to eat himself.

And I would absolutely really be pissed off if DP started getting stuck into ingredients for a meal I wanted to cook. I remember a colleague telling me how her brother and his girlfriend had eaten the ingredients for Sunday lunch dessert for breakfast. Her mother was really angry and made them replace the ingredients. I didn’t think adults behaved like that!

But then outside of abusive ex I didn’t think people considered it normal to expect never ending crisps, and cakes in the house!

GreenTulips · 19/02/2020 10:49

I take it it was about 3 o’clock in the afternoon? Two hours after lunch?

How would this have been acceptable in an office environment? What would he have done them?

I don’t understand all this ‘advice’ to OP to order more, or communicate more blah ....

He’s a grown up. It’s no OPs responsibility to police his snacks or magically know what he wants and when.

He has legs, a wallet and a local shop.

Bet he wouldn’t buy OP snacks!!

iklboo · 19/02/2020 11:26

Is MN broken? Can posters not see the full thread or all of the OP's opening post? I can't think of any other reason people are posting stuff already discussed at length or in the first couple of paragraphs.

nowayhose · 19/02/2020 11:46

Good grief ! The volume of posters telling the OP that she is being unreasonable is amazing !!!!

So they all think it's OK for your DH to scream and yell at you that there is never any food in the house ???? WTAF??????

He is a grown man FFS ! HE can fuckin well go shopping if it's not done to his majestys satisfaction !!!!

How DARE he treat you like a bloody servant !!

nowayhose · 19/02/2020 11:49

Very , very sad to see so many posters advising the OP to placate the abusive DH by buying more and thinking about HIS needs more !!!!

WTAF is happening here ? Have mumsnetters all become Stepford Wives ????

nowayhose · 19/02/2020 11:55

Actually OP, why don't you re-post your AIBU in Relationships instead ?

You'll probably get a different response entirely.................

LolaSmiles · 19/02/2020 14:43

woodchuck99
I don't see your point as I've already said that his tantrum and language was unacceptable.
I'm responding to some of the ridiculous claims that it's utterly unreasonable for the person doing the food shop to add more in next time because this is enabling an abuser, he's demanding a never ending supply of snacks etc.

I'm on maternity leave and DH does the bulk of the food shopping. I'd be pissed off if his response was like some on this thread suggesting it's a massive chore when really he's just adding a few things in the trolley. Sometimes I text him and ask him to pick up a snack/pudding for me on the way home. Based on this thread he's totally under the thumb and I'm some sort of arsehole because as an adult I should go myself. We'd consider this as give and take within a relationship and neither of us would be impressed if the other had the attitude that some posters on here have.

From the OP's updates it sounds like this snacks situation is the straw that broke the camel's back and as i said up thread I think his attitude is out of order, she is BU over snacks but there's bigger issues at play.

woodchuck99 · 19/02/2020 15:11

I don't see your point as I've already said that his tantrum and language was unacceptable. I'm responding to some of the ridiculous claims that it's utterly unreasonable for the person doing the food shop to add more in next time because this is enabling an abuser, he's demanding a never ending supply of snacks etc.

Nobody has said it is unreasonable for someone to add extra food if they want to . They are pointing out that it is not her responsibility to anticipate his requirements and make sure he always has enough snacks. It's perfectly reasonable to ask him what he wants and add that to the trolley and to not want to do more than that with regard to snacks.

frazzledasarock · 19/02/2020 15:11

But Lola, OP’s scenario is nothing like yours. OP is adding her H’s snacks to the shopping as per his requests, she’s adding things she knows he likes too. But he expects there to always be snacks available for him in the house and itv not wants to eat the last of the dc’s snacks.

Also the shop is right on the OP’s doorstep if he needs more snacks for himself.

And OP didn’t refuse to pick up additional snacks on the way home from work, where she’d pass sis or on the way home.

You would be an arse to screaming and swearing at your DH if he told you the snacks you were wanting to eat were the last portions for your dc, instead of going to the shops a few yards outside your house especially if you also worked from home, so could take a five minute break.

Lweji · 19/02/2020 15:45

I'm surprised nobody picked on the side fact that the OP is feeding her very young children processed junk snacks.

ferntwist · 19/02/2020 16:28

YANBU. He can help buying food and planning and buy his own bloody snacks!! Especially as he works from home. He could be in any time for a delivery. Selfish entitled bully.

whostoletheeyeoutyourteddybear · 19/02/2020 20:25

Send the lazy fat man child to the shop! And for all those saying you need to provide his snacks... She ain't his mother!!!

expat101 · 19/02/2020 20:42

And this is why I keep an on going shopping list on the bench. So anyone can add what takes their fancy and it gets bought next shopping trip. Not on list, doesn't get bought and I'm not a mind reader.

glennamy · 20/02/2020 15:43

WOW _ just buy more snacks for all if you do the shopping...

AutumnCrow · 20/02/2020 15:50

Thank you for that fresh and original structural analysis ^^

femidom12 · 20/02/2020 16:49

Hi OP can you convert your garage into a snack holding area so you can buy more snacks in bulk so hubby is kept happy?

mantarays · 20/02/2020 16:56

Haven’t read the whole thread, but my attitude to this would depend on how many snack foods had been eaten in the last few days, how much we were spending on them, what I had left for the kids and so on. Can’t see why he shouldn’t usually be able to eat what he wants.

mantarays · 20/02/2020 16:58

And I wouldn’t be okay with being sworn at.

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