"Well I make 100% of the money"

[sandscript]

Who is BU?

I'm a happy SAHM but this weekend, with storm Dennis, we were stuck indoors with baby and toddler DD.

DH stayed in bed till 2.30pm on Saturday and we had a big row about it. Sunday was much the same, and when we were arguing I said I do 100% of the childcare and need a break or at least some help from time to time. His reply "well I make 100% of the money".

This comment is still really bugging me. I feel like I should get a job just to shut him up and he'll have to do 50% of childcare which he definitely won't.

@oxfordnono12 what appalling things to say.

@Oxfordnono12

Would you accept your partner speaking to you like this?

So it’s fine for the OP to start the argument with her DH by stating that she does 100% of the childcare, but it isn’t o.k. for her DH to counter, logically and truthfully, with “Well, I make 100% of the money.” Mmmm-kay.

By the way, your post to TabbyMumz was a low blow and nasty.

I read somewhere that being a SAHP was more stressful than being a CEO

I don't see how this can be the case

A"nd I'm sorry, but I find it offensive to be told what I do isnt work,"
I havent told anyone it isnt work for them. I've said for me i cant see it as work, and if anyone thinks different that's fine .

"FWIW Tabby said that she doesn't believe looking after your own children in her mind is classed as work, not that it isnt challenging or hard work, just the terminology of work doesn't feel appropriate."

Thankyou Shrubsie. That is correct, I've said quite a few times that it can be extremely hard. I didnt see oxford's post as it got deleted, am I'm glad I didnt as it sounds like she is a bit unhinged. I just cant use the terminology of my children being classed as work. As I've said, my Mum was a sahm, she never referred to us as work, you'd have to poke her eyes out with a poker before she would ever say that.

"I read somewhere that being a SAHP was more stressful than being a CEO"

"I don't see how this can be the case"

I think it depends on the ages of the children. Of course when they are younger it can be more challenging. But I recall when I was about 6, and my mum was a sahm, her time was taken up going to coffee mornings, and crochet class and reading books. That's not to say it wouldnt have been harder when we were all toddlers etc.

I read somewhere that being a SAHP was more stressful than being a CEO"

You're comparing apples with oranges here. I've been a sahp for a few years with young children, and I've held a senior role, trust me, being a sahp is far easier and less stressful. But it wasn't something I could have done forever, so I choose to work. It's the same with any kind of career, some people like and excel at being a sahp, some are creative, some analytical, some like senior roles. I take my hat off to any sahp, I couldn't cope with it. But that's just me.

@tabbymumz because you don't do it as a SAH (I'm aware you look after your children outside of your job, I'm not belittling your circumstances. If I were in your position I would be making the same choices as you). It is work. And that is no detriment to my children who I love very much and are complete blessings. I see you've ignored the rest of my balanced arguement and are still sticking with this pedantic nonsense. You're coming across as being very sanctimonious.

"see you've ignored the rest of my balanced arguement and are still sticking with this pedantic nonsense. You're coming across as being very sanctimonious."
Confuddled, apologies that I didnt reply to everything in your whole post...it was quite long and it was the comment I replied to that stuck out at me. You are entitled to your opinions and I am to mine. Just because you dont agree with me doesnt mean you should say I am being pedantic or sanctimonious

"I feel sorry for you! You childminder is cuddling your child if she/he falls and hurts themselves, your minder sees your child grow an develop more so than you."

That's actually fine you feel this way. I dont feel sorry for myself. My kids were very well looked after and were really happy with the childminder, she was brilliant. She took them for days out everywhere, they were never stuck indoors all the time, and that's what we wanted. She was like family. There was plenty time for cuddles from me at home. I've seen my children develop just as much as anyone else and I'm proud of what they have become. Wont say anymore as have been called sanctimonious, but suffice to say, we are all very happy with the situation. We all make our own decisions and I'm really pleased I went to work as with partner now not able to work, I'm the main earner.

Seriously, an invoice is not a totally crazy idea - a friend suggested this to me: quiz.thirdshift.co.uk - it literally tells you how much your childcare and other work around the house is worth in ££ as well as how many hours of work you do compared to him - could help to have a conversation about how much you're actually doing?