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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at being pulled over by friend AIBU

254 replies

LipsyGirl · 15/02/2020 20:47

I was out with a friend who has issues walking. She’s the same size as me. The ground was uneven so she held onto me to offer more support which was fine, she joked and said if I fall over your coming with me.

She did fall over & I did go with her. I am actually pretty pissed off. Am I being a little precious? I don’t want to overreact.

I didn’t hurt myself bad just a banged knee & bruises etc.

OP posts:
TakeNoSHt · 16/02/2020 21:54

FFS she didn’t plan to fall! Have a bit of respect for her walking issues and i’m guessing disability. She warned you that if she falls you’ll probably fall too. When anyone goes to fall they grab what is closest to try and save themselves-that was you. Get over your self and check that your friend is ok, she’s probably mortified and worried you won’t want to go out with her again. If i was talking to your friend directly i’d be asking her to seek help from the likes of occupational therapy and use a stick for support, theres lots of people who need one so no shame or embarrassment in needing a little bit of help and stability

Toomuchtrouble4me · 16/02/2020 22:01

Why did she have to hang on to you? Since you knew she had issues walking you should have offered her support and held a bracing arm for her. You should be ashamed of yourself, not annoyed at her. Some friend!

TakeNoSHt · 16/02/2020 22:20

Had to use 2 sticks myself from the age of 27 and no matter where i was was constantly falling. I felt ashamed i would not be seen again by friends and i have indeed lost most of them through being young and disabled. Try to be more supportive please

Original poster
LipsyGirl · 16/02/2020 22:24

I have no intention of discontinuing our friendship.

I think it’s harsh to say I should be ashamed of myself too. We spend a few day’s a week together, I’m not bitching about her. I’m asking a question to access whether I’m unreasonable to be irritated by this

OP posts:
Bawbags · 16/02/2020 22:37

I'm going to go against the grain here and ask why is it better that two people fall to the ground than one just because the one doesn't want to take her walking aid?

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/02/2020 22:38

@TakeNoSHt - RTFT. OP has checked on friend Friend wasn't mortified. Just laughed about it. Friend already has a stick for support but chose to use OP instead of bringing it with her. It's all there - all you had to do was read the OP's comments.

TakeNoSHt · 16/02/2020 22:42

I read the all the comments but still feel she doesn’t get it. Not much of a friend to take to
Mumsnet to rant. Maybe friend has seen this post and that will hurt more than anything

SecretsInSpitalfield · 16/02/2020 22:54

Why should OP get pulled over and have a bruised knee Ffs?? I’m sorry but even the way her friend said ‘if I fall you fall too’ F that! It’s not ops fault that said friend had ‘walking issues’ ..

OP of COURSE you’re not being unreasonable! Some people on this site make me want to scratch my eyeballs! As if they’d be ok with someone pulling them on their arses and giving them scratches/bruises!! What utter nonsense!

Flipflopalops · 16/02/2020 23:05

This thread would have zero comments if 2 men were in this situation!

frazzledasarock · 16/02/2020 23:10

If your friend has issues with balance and walking, why on earth isn’t she using her walking aid? And why’d she choose to walk on a cobbled surface when that would exacerbate the issue?

Next time remind her to take her walking stick.

Original poster
LipsyGirl · 16/02/2020 23:31

@TakeNoSHt can you explain what you feel I’m not understanding please?

OP posts:
VortexofBloggery · 16/02/2020 23:32

YANBU. No good deed goes unpunished! What will you do if she asks to lean on you again without her stick? Will you risk it again? Do you think she'll ask?

Original poster
LipsyGirl · 16/02/2020 23:35

@vortexofbloggery I honestly don’t know. I don’t think I could leave her to struggle on her own. But I will be making sure she brings her walking stick with her in future.

I think she will ask again as I haven’t made a huge issue of it as I don’t want her to feel bad but was unsure if I should address how unsafe it is - hence the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
LipsyGirl · 16/02/2020 23:37

When I say unsafe I mean for her & myself, luckily I managed to put my pens over her waist & fall behind her. If I fell on top of her I could have really hurt her

OP posts:
Original poster
LipsyGirl · 16/02/2020 23:37

Arms over her waist**

OP posts:
GlomOfNit · 16/02/2020 23:55

Unreasonable? To complain when, after agreeing to support a friend who has a mobility disability, she loses her balance and inadvertently pulls you over? Nahhhh, course you're not.

Your friend - what a cow, eh? Make her crawl along the ground next time, that'll learn her to think she can ask a friend who is lucky enough to be more stable than she is to give her a hand.

LolaDarkdestroyer · 16/02/2020 23:57

She just didn't want to look a twat on her own. She should have had her stick end of.

VortexofBloggery · 17/02/2020 00:03

lipsygirl sounds like you need to have a chat with your friend. Let her know your boundaries. People have training on manual handling for a reason. You've certainly drawn out some sensitive souls tonight though! Wine

PerkingFaintly · 17/02/2020 00:18

Suggestions for that conversation.

"Hi friend. I don't think it really works that you just use me when we're on ground that's tricky for you. You pulled me over and hurt me, and I wasn't able to stop you falling anyway, so there was no point in it. So I'm not going to be doing that again.

"We'll have to find some other way. Maybe we can choose our routes to avoid tricky ground. Maybe you use your stick, or look at getting a walker. I'm more than happy to help you where it's appropriate. But I'm not going to be pulled over like that again."

If she pushes back, keep repeating, "There's no point; we'll just both fall over." Possibly alternating with, "OK, well, what do you suggest as the solution."

And to be very positive about the friendship, "I'd really like to go out with you to X. But I'm not going to be pulled over. So, how shall we manage it?"

Vulpine · 17/02/2020 00:21

Yanbu

comesavemenow · 17/02/2020 00:33

I have had elderly relatives who would be embarrassed to use walking sticks and would use the help of younger relatives. I always used to have pain in my arms because I had to help one of them frequently. She would just put all her weight on our arm and when she went down we would go down with her because there was no escaping it.

Petlover9 · 17/02/2020 02:10

She ought to take a walking aid like a strong cane, it is no good both of you being lame

meyouandlulutoo · 17/02/2020 08:19

I'm going to go against the grain too. I don't have mobility issues as such, but have been known to stumble on uneven ground which is not so bad when I'm outwalking in countryside, but quite another thing on cobblestones which can be difficult to walk on for anyone. I think she was stubborn for insisting on taking that route instead of the smoother pathway. But I do think you realised it was going to be difficult for her to traverse cobbles and perhaps on this occassion you should have insisted on going the least hazardous way - you could have said you don't like cobblestones if you want to spare her feelings. I do understand that you don't want to assume she can't manage it just because of her disability and she probably wants to be just like 'everyone' else.

janetta30150 · 17/02/2020 09:01

I have mobility problems, and do use a walking stick. I still fall when my knee locks. Glad you're not my friend.

annamie · 17/02/2020 09:12

@TakeNoSHt

I read the all the comments but still feel she doesn’t get it. Not much of a friend to take to
Mumsnet to rant. Maybe friend has seen this post and that will hurt more than anything

Given the number of people with mobility issues who have supported OP on this thread, I would suggest that you don’t get it @Takenoshit

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