Pissed off at being pulled over by friend AIBU

[LipsyGirl]

I was out with a friend who has issues walking. She’s the same size as me. The ground was uneven so she held onto me to offer more support which was fine, she joked and said if I fall over your coming with me.

She did fall over & I did go with her. I am actually pretty pissed off. Am I being a little precious? I don’t want to overreact.

I didn’t hurt myself bad just a banged knee & bruises etc.

What on earth?

I have mobility problems and I fall. I would be mortified, mortified, if I injured another person because of my issues.

I mean, fair enough to ask a kind friend to support me if I thought it would mean we both stayed upright. But if I'd accidentally pulled someone over, I would be incredibly apologetic. I'd also be reviewing how I managed things, so as not to do it again.

I'm at so many responses on this thread. I'm also a bit at the friend's "joke" and response to the fall, because it really does sound like she was expecting this to happen.

You don't have to say "Yes" to physically supporting a friend who might injure you in the process. You're not an inanimate mobility aid; you're a person with the same rights as her. It's totally not OK for her to just use you, knowing she may well injure you.

It would be a bit closer to OK if she had explained the high probability of a fall, so you could give informed consent to take the risk. But of course what you'd probably have answered was, "I'm not taking that risk. I'll support you, but only if we go around the cobbled bit."

Also going against the grain a bit here - I’m sure you’re understanding of your friend’s issues but it isn’t really fair for her to cause you to suffer too when she does have walking aids available to her. You’re fine this time but what if you were more seriously hurt?
Obviously you have to approach this sensitively, but I think it’s fine to say next time that actually you’re not physically strong enough to be able to support her, and although you’d like to help her as much as you can could she please bring her stick. And of course you can help by carrying her bags etc, but you shouldn’t be her only support if you physically can’t manage it.

I've 'taught' them how to let me down gently if they feel me start to stumble or fall.

Yes, this. If you know what's likely to happen, you manage it properly and teach the person helping you how to manage it.

And for all the people saying "she didn't do it on purpose"... That's like saying a person who knowingly drives a car with no brakes and then hits someone "didn't do it on purpose." It's a completely predictable result, which in this case the "friend" did in fact predict. She didn't fall deliberately – but she damn well deliberately set up Lipsy to fall, without proper warning.

Really not nice behaviour by this friend.

Wow! Some of you are brutal. I’m not a mean person at all, as I’ve said on replies. Perhaps she couldn’t let go. I understand it may have been difficult. She has held on to me numerous times & ive never thought anything if it. But I will insist she takes her walking stick with her next time. Given the chance to offer support again, I would still have said yes, I’m not a nasty person at all

I'd second the idea that your friend needs a walking aid, if she has issues re balance. She has a duty to take care of herself and may also need to wear sensible shoes, make sure she is wearing glasses if she has any issues to do with vision.

Yes, you can offer an arm if she is coming down off a stile. But it's not appropriate to use another person as a balancing aid on a regular basis - because of the risk of inflicting the sort of injuries you have mentioned.

VARs required.....

I wouldn't be happy if she said" If I go down you're coming with me ". And then it actually happened ! I wonder if these women saying you are in the wrong , would smile sweetly and say it's fine whilst getting up off the pavement 😂😂. I dont think so unless they are angels rather than humans . Some people take friendship a bit too far. Buy her a stick and then you will have a bruise free body. Unless she wacks you with it.

Does she not use a stick or crutch. I'm severely disabled with arthritis and wouldn't dream of hanging on to someone else instead of using my crutch. It just seems a bit odd to me

She should probably have let go of you when it became obvious that she was going to fall, but if she already has trouble with her mobility, she may not have that sort of physical control and co-ordination. Not fair to blame her for a disability and a fall that she hardly chose! And I don't think that her making that joke (which she probably regretted after it came true) was actually implying that she intended to fall down with you coming tumbling after, to quote the old nursery rhyme.

But she does need to use some sort of walking aid. Maybe she didn't expect uneven ground on this particular journey; but she should take a stick with her, just in case.

Personally, I’d take the knock on the knee for any of my friends should their mobility be an issue.

I’m pretty sure it’s a natural instinct to grab on when falling.

It was an accident.

The fact you even have to ask is a concern frankly.

Oh YABU

What delightful mate you are!

Definitely think it’s instinct to try and grab something (or someone) to break your fall. I have saved myself many times from falling down the stairs by grabbing the banister (definitely instinct as you don’t have time to think). I have also watched my 4 year old Dd twice grab the nearest thing to her when messing around on armchair/bed with her little sister (not yet 2). Unfortunately on both occasions it was her little sister. There is no way she was going to stop her from falling and oldest Dd is bright enough to know that. It is just solely instinct.

You should not be at risk when helping her-you matter too. I'd encourage her to look at finding an appropriate walking aid and perhaps asking the gp for a physio referral. Some physio teams can practise outdoor mobility. Some multi-professional rehab teams can practise routes/activities to find the safest strategies. I hope you are both ok.

Maybe she could look at buying a wheeled outdoor Walker-it may or may not be appropriate but there are things she can buy herself if the physio waiting list is horrendous.

@littlemisschocolate I will suggest this, she said she’s okay, but she did say she’s fallen 4 times this week so IMO she does need to either use her stick or look at other options before she does really hurt herself

I don’t think that you are being ridiculous at all. I’m am disabled and walk with two crutches. If I had hold of a friend instead and I stumbled I would let go so only me went over. Why would you pull someone with you and maybe suffering a hip fracture ?

Reality check needed IMO what's the big deal? You sound like a nice person , but maybe have a think about why you're annoyed enough to post ! Seems super precious

I should add that, while I don't think it's reasonable to be 'pissed off', I do think it's reasonable to protect yourself. Professional carers are taught not to carry out tasks in ways that could put themselves at risk of injury. If you are likely to be frequently assisting your friend when walking, then in a sense you're an informal carer, and could perhaps contact Carers UK or the Disabled Living Foundation, to ask for specific advice. She too needs to use her walking stick more regularly if she has had a few falls,

Maybe ....just maybe.....NO ONE is to blame ! I know . Shocking thought eh ? When did the world lose the “accidents happen” approach to life ?🤔

If she's fallen 4 times this week then she needs to get in touch with her community nurses for a referral to the falls team.

I spend a great deal of time surrounded by people with mobility issues and I would never allow them to hold on to me because I have been given a great deal of training in how to support them appropriately. (Not because I'm a selfish bitch. I am, but that's by the by). You do not help someone by allowing them to become dependent on someone else's body to mobilise.

There is one way you can safely assist someone to move-- it's called a wheelchair. If she insists on relying on other people to move around, that's the way to do it without injuring anyone.

And I'm very sad for the people who are upset at the thought of your children having friends who don't like being pulled over. But would you prefer for them to make use of whatever aids they need to be as independent as possible, or that they feel entitled to use other people's bodies and remain dependent on them?

"Oh it must be so terrible being able bodied"
It's not a competition for who can accumulate the most pity. OP asked if she was unreasonable to be irritated. I think she was only unreasonable for not being assertive in the first place and saying she wouldn't be used as a walking aid.

Yes but it's not a random accident because it is part of an ongoing condition and it needs to be managed in such a way that doesnt put friends and family in harm's way. I second disabled living foundation-a very good service.