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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off at being pulled over by friend AIBU

254 replies

LipsyGirl · 15/02/2020 20:47

I was out with a friend who has issues walking. She’s the same size as me. The ground was uneven so she held onto me to offer more support which was fine, she joked and said if I fall over your coming with me.

She did fall over & I did go with her. I am actually pretty pissed off. Am I being a little precious? I don’t want to overreact.

I didn’t hurt myself bad just a banged knee & bruises etc.

OP posts:

rainbowbear10 · 17/02/2020 09:34

i can see it from both ways. supporting a friend as they have mobility issues. i do it with my elderly father.... what if you fell awkwardly and had got hurt badly or worse broke your hip. one thing helping a friend with support when they are out but not for them to joke about it ... Does she used a walking aid !

Nekoness · 17/02/2020 09:47

It’s instinct to grab on to something steady when you’re falling, but it’s also instinct to LET GO if you feel the steady thing stops being steady and starts falling.

If you’re hanging on to a piece of furniture as you’re falling, and you realise the furniture isn’t steady and you’re actually pulling it to fall on top of you - your instinct is to let go!

Physical therapists don’t let falling patients drag them down because when a patient clings on as falling, they gently help them fall rather than offer any “steadiness”... so the patient instinctively doesn’t grip and drag them because they don’t feel “steady”

So I call bullshit - she dragged you down in panic. Your problem is you fought her and resisted being pulled down. If you helped her fall down gently, she wouldn’t have dragged you down and injured you too.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/02/2020 09:52

Christ Almighty! Is everyone supposed to be trained as a physical therapist?

PTs and a range of other people who help people unsteady on their feet are trained to do this.

The OP isn't and nor should she expect to be.

Given the number of people with mobility issues who have supported OP on this thread, I would suggest that you don’t get it @Takenoshit**

I agree entirely!

MrsLow10 · 17/02/2020 10:36

I have mobility issues, I'm use a crutch, as I don't like a walking stick. I think they're for elderly people, and I'm only 32. I still feel embarrassed when I'm using it, but if I don't I can't go anywhere. If I fell while holding onto a friend, I'd be mortified, and I would feel even worse if I found out my "friend" was online bitchin about it.

Daisy20150 · 17/02/2020 10:41

I think you are over reacting

JessicaBlack101 · 17/02/2020 10:42

After reading that she dragged you down, after joking that you're going with her......
I'm in a petty mood today, so next time, YOU fall and you pull her down. Even things up a bit. And send her ads for walking frames.

Original poster

LipsyGirl · 17/02/2020 10:45

I don’t necessarily think I’m talking bad behind her back just asking whether I’m being unreasonable. I intend to have a conversation with her now I know I’m perhaps being unreasonable but she should be using her walking stick for her own safety more than anything

OP posts:

leadbetter5 · 17/02/2020 10:54

OP what if her feeling is "my friend offered to help me with my mobility problems by allowing me to hold onto her. When I started to fall she didn't try and stop me from falling, she just fell with me, AIBU to think she should have tried harder?"...

Original poster

LipsyGirl · 17/02/2020 11:13

@leadbetter5 I don’t understand what your implying?

OP posts:

Merryweather80 · 17/02/2020 11:31

Why does she not have a walking aid? A walking stick, crutches or similar? She would be much safer and much more independent.

Merryweather80 · 17/02/2020 11:49

Don't let get choose the suitability of the surface next time either. Flat and not wet or icy.
The sticks physio give people with the four pronged feet are by far the safest.
I'm glad you both came off lightly but she really shouldn't be using you as a support. There are a number of ways you could be injured.
I say this as a disabled person who uses a wheelchair or crutches.
Insist that she uses her mobility aids, otherwise you'll both need them.
Some people are quite stubborn about using them, but they are given for reasons such as this.

PerkingFaintly · 17/02/2020 11:55

Well, you don't have the right to order her to use her stick. It's her decision to make for herself.

But you do have the right to decide that you won't be used as an alternative to the stick, especially on ground where (you now know) there's a high chance you'll be pulled over.

leadbetter5 · 17/02/2020 12:22

@LipsyGirl I'm just saying think about it from her point of view. Maybe she's annoyed about it too for whatever reason?

Just grow up, accept it was an accident and don't waste any more time thinking about it.

annamie · 17/02/2020 12:49

@leadbetter5 easy for you say, you're not the one with a bashed knee.

Grow up and have some sympathy.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 17/02/2020 13:04

I have 2 grandmas who both need walking aids. One uses it, no problems, gets around and is very independent. The other one leans on my grandad who now has black bruises all over him and she has fallen so many more times than the other one. When you have mobility issues you have a responsibility to yourself ans others to use your equipment, it is there for a reason, to help!

FizzyIce · 17/02/2020 13:30

She needs to be sensible and use a walking aid .
You can’t expect a human to be a support in that instance if you won’t use one .
My nan is incredibly unstable now , has fallen so many times but when she’s out she uses a wheelchair as she can’t risk ending up in hospital again

HeadachesByTheDozen · 17/02/2020 14:39

You are not being unreasonable, some of the posts on here attacking you are ignorant and disgraceful. Is it possible for her to get a mobility scooter?

EngiNerd · 17/02/2020 16:45

Wow. Have some empathy ffs and be thankful you don't have walking issues.

Candymay · 18/02/2020 05:32

@PerkingFaintly your post sums up word for word how I feel about this situation. I am shocked at the nasty comments the op has received here.

What on earth?shock

I have mobility problems and I fall. I would be mortified, mortified, if I injured another person because of my issues.

I mean, fair enough to ask a kind friend to support me if I thought it would mean we both stayed upright. But if I'd accidentally pulled someone over, I would be incredibly apologetic. I'd also be reviewing how I managed things, so as not to do it again.

I'm shock at so many responses on this thread. I'm also a bit hmm at the friend's "joke" and response to the fall, because it really does sound like she was expecting this to happen.

You don't have to say "Yes" to physically supporting a friend who might injure you in the process. You're not an inanimate mobility aid; you're a person with the same rights as her. It's totally not OK for her to just use you, knowing she may well injure you.

It would be a bit closer to OK if she had explained the high probability of a fall, so you could give informed consent to take the risk. But of course what you'd probably have answered was, "I'm not taking that risk. I'll support you, but only if we go around the cobbled bit."

Catting · 18/02/2020 05:42

Someone upthread said that she did it so as to not look like a twat on her own, and I totally agree.
Her having mobility issues doesn't make her some sort of saint who is incapable of doing wrong.

It sounds like she uses you, literally and figuratively.

Original poster

LipsyGirl · 18/02/2020 10:29

I will be suggesting alternatives for her, as I said above she does have a walking stick but she rarely uses it. She’s only in her 20s so I can understand but she needs to look into other options as it’s just not safe. I doubt I’m the first person to fall over with her

OP posts:

Dilligaf81 · 18/02/2020 11:10

You don't know that you would let go, you would try but you cannot fight instinct.

I'm unsteady on my feet and need a walking stick. I'm young for a stick and it is embarrassing so I always take it with me. The only time I haven't wanted to is when I have the feeling the person I'm with is embarrassed by it. It was an accident, I'm sure your friend is mortified.

PerkingFaintly · 18/02/2020 19:19

One great adage I've learnt on MN adage is that you can't change other people's behaviour, you can only change your own behaviour.

I think that's absolutely the case here. You cannot solve this problem for your friend or tell her what to do. You can only set out clearly what you are prepared to do and not to do. Then then protect those boundaries and don't be guilted into things you're not comfortable with.

Merryweather80 · 18/02/2020 21:12

Using one crutch instead of a walking stick may carry less embarrassment for her.
I use my wheelchair or my crutch where I can, have been doing so since my teens so twenty years. I'd rather do that and be safe than hurt someone else. You can buy some really nice coloured and designed ones now. I can recommend smart crutch. X

Original poster

Lipsygirl · 18/02/2020 22:51

Thank you all for your comments/support & recommendations it’s much appreciated. I hope she takes my suggestions on board on how to keep herself safe

OP posts:

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