Pissed off at being pulled over by friend AIBU

[LipsyGirl]

I was out with a friend who has issues walking. She’s the same size as me. The ground was uneven so she held onto me to offer more support which was fine, she joked and said if I fall over your coming with me.

She did fall over & I did go with her. I am actually pretty pissed off. Am I being a little precious? I don’t want to overreact.

I didn’t hurt myself bad just a banged knee & bruises etc.

When we fall our instinct is to grab on to anything that might keep us upright.

Your friend held tightly to you from instinct, not deliberately - she did it without thinking.

Yesmate I was indeed! 😂

She is probably terribly upset and embarrassed.

I doubt it was on purpose. I slipped on some ice once when I was holding my 5 year old's hand and it happened so fast I accidentally pulled him down with me. Luckily he thought it was funny, but it definitely wasn't deliberate.

I'd be pissed off too.

If you have walking issues, get some support : a stick, etc.

Hold onto friend and take them with you if you fall is no way to manage it.

I work with a lot of people who have an unsteady gait, and I absolutely would not allow or encourage them to hold on to me. That's a brilliant way to be seriously injured and out of work.

If they need a stick or a frame , then they should be using it. If they fall, (and they frequently do) there will be a plan to get them back upright which does not rely on using another person's body.

I know I'm differing from most of the people on this thread, but I what your friend did was dangerous and goes against all the training I've ever had around moving and handling with people.

People who are saying that they are happy to offer an arm to their friends--

You really need to stop doing that. Mobility aids are designed the way they are for a reason. They are as likely to pull a muscle and damage themselves as they are you. It isn't doing them a favour.

Whose idea was it to walk on uneven ground?

If it's soft ground, you can't use a stick because it sinks in and makes you more likely to fall - even before you allow for any hand or arm issues that make using a stick equally problematic as not using one.

Did she expect to be walking on firm, even ground?

I have warned people when they've ignored my need to be on level ground that if I go, they're coming with me - jokingly - but secretly, I'm thinking 'Dick'.

DP did this once. He 'forgot' about checking for accessibility and took me through the stupidest fucking route in the fucking world, with long walks to connections, multiple flights of stairs and no lifts or escalators. The happy, relaxed but tired me he usually saw changed into an absolutely silent, helpless rage. By the time we limped walked round a corner to find the next platform was only accessible by another 3 flights of stairs, I turned slowly and said 'You are fucking kidding me, right?'. By that point, he was practically carrying me, so if I'd lost my footing, there was no way I was letting him go.

I use a walking aid. It's really useful on flat, even, non slippery ground. It can be fucking lethal on sloping, uneven, or slippery ground. I suspect your friend using their stick might not have helped much in the situation. Mind you, I don't like a person helping me either - they tend to move unexpectedly and thus have you off balance.

@MitziK when we go out I follow her lead, as she knows what she’s capable of so I just follow. She proceeded to walk across a cobble grounded area & grabbed my arm to steady herself. It wasn’t slippery it was cobbled

I have mobility issues, my balance is shite, I used to fall over a lot. I would not ask anyone to help/offer any arm etc because I worry they’d also go over. Every time I fall, I promptly develop cellulitis which needs antibiotics. I’d use a stick if needed, not another person who might get hurt. I’d rather not be responsible for someone else, I have enough on my plate!

If you wait long enough, VAR might give you a penalty.

Cobbles can be worse than muddy slopes or stairs. They hurt, you can't use a stick even if you have one, because they slip and you can't risk putting any weight on them and every step involves constant readjustment of balance, position and angle.

They can be even more slippery, too - cobbles were often put in precisely because the area tends to be treacherous, to avoid horses breaking their legs or carts getting stuck.

But if it's a choice of cobblestones or muddy slopes in the cureent weather - or no other choice - what can you do? Sit down like a toddler and refuse to move? Or try to make a joke out of it to distract away from the fear and pain?

@MitziK I have no idea why she chose to go across them as there was flat ground you just had to take a short detour. Maybe it was easier for her to just hold on & hope

Your friend needs to go and see a physio and get a proper assessment of her mobility needs.
In our NHS trust the official guidelines for fallers are to let them fall and to avoid trying to break their fall or stop the fall. This is because you are highly likely to injure yourself as well.
Your friend needs to stop making unwise decisions. If she has mobility issues she needs to use her walking aid and stop walking over cobbles.
Hope you are ok.

OP,

On a practical note - I’ve got a disability which means I fall regularly, and in the moment of falling I can’t control my upper body either, so wouldn’t have been able to let go. It’s to do with the way my muscles work / don’t work.

From what you’ve described, the way your friend falls sounds similar, and this was just an accident.

No reason to be pissed off at her, she couldn’t have controlled it, but falling over is no fun and you’re allowed to be miserable too.

The other practical thing I wanted to say is that mobility aids can be useful - I use a walking stick some of the time - but they are not as straightforward as they seem, and can make things worse as well as better, depending on the nature of the impairment and the terrain and stuff. So it’s not necessarily selfish of her not to use one - even if she does at other times. It’s a very personal decision involving a range of factors.

Hope you are both OK and it doesn’t affect your friendship.

I think if you go out with your friend again you need to plan carefully between you the route you’re going to take in order that she can walk safely without holding onto you.

She needs to bring and use her walking aids.

I find her attitude rather cavalier and I’m not surprised you’re annoyed. You could have been badly injured.

If she’s embarrassed to use a stick, you can be there to give her moral support so she can get used to it, rather than give physical support, and that is fair enough.

Interesting seeing so many pps saying it's natural to grab onto something when you fall, but I disagree, it's actually more natural to break your fall, usually sending your arms out to soften the fall.
One icy morning last month, I was walking my 6yo to school, and I was holding his hand tightly - I slipped, proper feet up in the air, landed on my arse fall - I let go of him and my arms went flying outwards.
It's weird she mentioned you might go down with her, even jokingly, it wouldn't surprise me if this has happened to her with someone else before. @LipsyGirl could she use crutches instead? if she finds a stick "embarrassing"

It was cobbles? Fuck, that would be lethal with a walking aid.

It doesn’t make someone a more noble or even a more useful friend if they allow themselves to be hurt by someone. How ludicrous. I can’t understand all the criticism you’re getting here op. Your friend should have used her walking aid because she needs it. She can’t use you instead. I can’t help laughing thinking about all these posters saying what wonderful uncomplaining friends they are and imagining them falling on the floor with each other.

Cobbles are awful.

I’m unsteady on my feet and normally pretty good at sort of crumpling and not hurting myself too much. It’s instinctive to grab for something to keep you upright and cling on though. A couple of years ago I fell over in the kitchen and grabbed and clung to a heavy kitchen chair and basically landed on the floor and whacked myself across the head with it.

I was seeing stars and had a shocking black eye. So no, it’s not that easy to just “let go”.

WhoWants2Know agree with you and other posters. If you have a walking aid you should use it.

You’ve been shown how to use it for your mobility issues. Use it and not your friend. You will just end up causing issues for both of you

I'm sorry you got hurt. That's not nice. She probably is being a bit unreasonable not taking her stick or similar but I reckon (particularly if you're a young woman) it's probably quite hard coming to terms with not being able to be like everyone else. As crap as it is that you fell, its way more crap to have to be disabled. As for the joking, it could be how she deals with the embarrassment.
Whatever the mentality I would let it go and thank my lucky stars that I do have mobility. Then next time I'd have another friend for help or encourage her to bring her stick. Try to be kind though.

I feel for you OP.

I would hate to fall down in an avoidable situation like this, my knees are a scar magnet - even a fall without breaking the skin would leave me with an unsightly scar. First world problem, I know. But it’s just one of those things that I’d rather avoid and not feel self conscious about.

I had a friend who would purposely do something like this, eg they were ill they and they purposely coughed and sneezed on me for banter - in a “jokey” attempt to give me whatever they had, then they took offence when I said that was disgusting and they actually walked away and went home Hence why they’re an ex friend!

If you're pissed off at that, you're a pretty crap friend to be honest.