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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at being pulled over by friend AIBU

254 replies

LipsyGirl · 15/02/2020 20:47

I was out with a friend who has issues walking. She’s the same size as me. The ground was uneven so she held onto me to offer more support which was fine, she joked and said if I fall over your coming with me.

She did fall over & I did go with her. I am actually pretty pissed off. Am I being a little precious? I don’t want to overreact.

I didn’t hurt myself bad just a banged knee & bruises etc.

OP posts:
UnaCorda · 15/02/2020 21:47

It can't be nice to have mobility issues, especially if you're relatively young, but I don't think that gives you carte blanche to put other people at risk of injury and I don't think not wanting to end up battered and bruised makes you a bad friend.

What if the OP had broken a bone? How does this friend manage if she's on her own, or with someone elderly who can't support her?

Original poster
LipsyGirl · 15/02/2020 21:47

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer I’m not changing the wording for sympathy at all, another PP hit the nail on the head by saying when someone falls they feel like dead weight which makes it seem like someone is pulling you especially hard

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 15/02/2020 21:48

At least she checked, though her attitude to it sounds like she's done it before to others and doesn't think it's a big deal, which I would not be that happy about. I don't think I'd let her lean on me again even if she didn't have an alternative.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2020 21:51

Op, look just refuse to let anyone with mobility issues hold onto you for support in future ok? Because when someone falls. Mobility issues or not, they will try to cling onto what they can, because you instinctively know the impact of hitting the ground will cause damage.

And you should not hold onto anyone ever either, because you too could fall.

Pardonwhat · 15/02/2020 21:53

Delightful!

AutumnRose1 · 15/02/2020 21:56

Bluntmess - you again, quelle surprise.

Yes. I’ve fallen. It’s how I sustained most of my injuries, I’ve had a few.

After the spinal injury I mentioned, I never leaned on anyone, even when I stopped using a stick. But also, while falling, I’ve let go of someone so they didn’t go down too. It’s not automatic to drag anyone down, I don’t think.

And it a hell of a coincidence that this person announced it, didn’t bring her stick, then did it.

Like I say, very thought provoking thread.

AutumnRose1 · 15/02/2020 21:57

Una “I don't think not wanting to end up battered and bruised makes you a bad friend.”

Absolutely.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 15/02/2020 22:00

@AutumnRose1 you must think her friend is quite evil and sinister. You sound like you think she planned this whole thing out, to fall and bring her friend down with her.

saraclara · 15/02/2020 22:02

She panicked falling over and instinctively clung on to you to keep in an attempt to keep herself upright

That. It's the natural, instinctive thing to do. I've not seen anyone consciously let go of whatever they're using for support.

AutumnRose1 · 15/02/2020 22:03

Yes I doubt the friend planned to fall but she sounds like she wanted to drag her friend down if she did.

saraclara · 15/02/2020 22:03

Wouldn't most people, once it's clear that neither is hurt, just laugh about it?

Yesmate · 15/02/2020 22:04

@AutumnRose1 wow. You have really spun this. So the friend went out today with the intention of pulling the OP over and possibly injuring herself in the process?!

Hadjab · 15/02/2020 22:05

Yes I doubt the friend planned to fall but she sounds like she wanted to drag her friend down if she did

Are you for real? FFS

Namechangedforthis1357 · 15/02/2020 22:09

Do you think she did it on purpose @LipsyGirl?

If she has mobility issues and has had any type of physio she will have been taught the correct way to fall over. You don't just immediately let go of your walking stick/wall/"friend".

I thought it was just gravity innit?
WTF.

BackforGood · 15/02/2020 22:10

I think you have the right to be annoyed that she didn't take her stick out with her, as she clearly does need it to cover the ground you did on this day.

HeronLanyon · 15/02/2020 22:14

Given the intentional aspect creeping in are we diagram stage ?
I can’t believe this really. A friend asks for an arm for support and make a joke. Falls. Friend falls too. All an accident.
Obviously not pleasant for either of you.
Stick or twist !

BigChocFrenzy · 15/02/2020 22:14

YABU

It's instinct to grab tightly onto the nearest thing / person when you start to fall.
Not malice

Unless it's a long drawn-out fall, the concious mind usually can't react in time to think ot avoiding injury to the other person

She's very embarassed about her disability - hence why she avoids a stick - so she jokes about falling & dragging you down
She might even have been trying to warn you from previous experience, but making a joke of it

If you aren't strong enough to stay upright - and she will be a dead weight -
then before you go out next time, tell her politely you think it too dangerous for you both for her to hang onto you.
Then hopefully she'll bring her stick instead

Dickensnovel · 15/02/2020 22:14

My elderly father has mobility issues, and is much heavier than I am. He always insists I not hold his arm or do anything to help him, as he is afraid of pulling me down with him, should he fall. I hope his attitude is more common than what the OP is dealing with!! He has a walker and a motorized chair so he does not have to risk making someone else fall. Maybe OP's friend needs a rethink.

Original poster
LipsyGirl · 15/02/2020 22:15

@Namechangedforthis1357 as I have said above, no I don’t think she did it on purpose. I was just shocked she knew there was a good chance of her falling over & she did take me with her. Another PP suggested it sounds like she’s done it before, if that’s the case it’s not okay to hold onto people & drag them down on a few occasions

OP posts:
SpeedofaSloth · 15/02/2020 22:16

She should have had her walking stick with her. YANBU, OP. I wouldn't have been impressed either.

AutumnRose1 · 15/02/2020 22:19

yesmaye “ So the friend went out today with the intention of pulling the OP over and possibly injuring herself in the process?!”

Not what I said.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 15/02/2020 22:24

It’s not OK OP. If there is a next time say no to her holding on and suggest that she uses walking aids and does balance classes.

cstaff · 15/02/2020 22:26

Bloody hell OP. It was an accident, not intentional. If I was to live by your rules I would just leave my dad sitting in a chair or wheelchair whenever I go to see him rather than helping him to walk around for a bit. He has Alzheimer's so can't be trained to use a stick.

I might fall but so what. I can get up and walk away after as can you. My dad and your friend are the ones at risk. Some friend!

Toria70 · 15/02/2020 22:29

If she needs a walking aid, she should be using it. End of. Her vanity doesn't mean it's OK to physically hurt someone else.

To drag someone else down is thoughtless at best, and selfish at worst. It's horrid to fall, DH slipped on a pavement rushing the other day and banged straight down onto his knees. He was almost sick with it, and felt off balance for the rest of the day.

It's not nice for your friend that she's got this condition but sorry, she was an arse to drag you with her. Next time, insist she brings her stick.

Yesmate · 15/02/2020 22:35

@AutumnRose1 apologies. You were merely implying that at the point of the fall she intended to drag the OP down 🙄

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