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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

172 replies

12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 07:59

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

OP posts:
Enchiladas · 14/02/2020 08:01

Wow yabvu

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:03

@Enchiladas - I don't mind if they have our bed. DH doesn't want it.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 14/02/2020 08:04

Wow.
Your in-laws piss in bottles? Your mum sleeps on the sofa when she comes down to help you with childcare?
If it's that difficult to host your parents then don't do it. But don't ask them to look after your kids!

Chocolate1984 · 14/02/2020 08:04

There is clearly a problem with the bed. Clean your sheets and let your parents stay in it.

I can’t believe your OH thinks his parents peeing in a bottle is evidence everything is ok.

frillyfarmer · 14/02/2020 08:04

Personally I would find it unbelievably weird if either mine or DH's parents wanted to sleep in our bed, I absolutely would not have that.

However, your spare room also sounds as though it isn't workable as an option. Given they are providing you with childcare, I would book them a hotel and pay for it.

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:05

Should also clarify I've suggested they stay in hotel BEFORE visiting in the past as an attempt to solve/avoid the problem. Not while they're here, would never do that.

OP posts:
honesttogod · 14/02/2020 08:07

I wouldn't want my parents sleeping in my bed unless it was a last resort. Can't you find alternative childcare to make it easier for everyone until you can sort the problem out?

nocluewhattodoo · 14/02/2020 08:07

A sofa bed in the living room would surely make more sense for guests who need to be up and down to the loo a lot in the night. I wouldn't like anyone else sleeping in my bed, and I also wouldn't like guests using bottles for piss in the night.

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:07

@CodenameVillanelle I know, I'm not having her do that again tonight. It hasn't happened before, in the past they have been fine in spare room.

Should clarify in laws REFUSE to sleep in our bed, they think it's too weird to do that.

OK, I am more than happy for me and DH to sleep in spare room. Will broach with DH today.

OP posts:
RedRedBluee · 14/02/2020 08:09

Yanbu I wouldn’t want them sleeping in my bed either.
Can’t your mum sleep on the other side?

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:09

@nocluewhattodoo with landlord's furniture we don't have enough space.

Have suggested hotel before that we help pay for and they refuse.

OP posts:
PerkyPomPoms · 14/02/2020 08:09

Jesus, they have to pee into bottles?! These people are doing you a favour and you can’t change the sheets and let them have your bed? Wow.

FrangipaniBlue · 14/02/2020 08:10

get rid of the double in the spare room and put 2 singles in with space down the middle...?

I think it's a tricky one - it's really not nice for your parents to struggle getting in and out of bed and as for the PILs using a bottle that's just awful (and a bit in humane?) but I don't like other people sleeping in my bed either
so I can sympathise a bit with your DH.

My bed the only place that's "mine" and my bedroom is my zen place.... the thought of someone else sleeping in there makes me uncomfortable!

malmi · 14/02/2020 08:11

Swap the beds round so your bed is in the spare room for the visit. Or just the mattresses. Whatever makes it seem not icky.

FamilyOfAliens · 14/02/2020 08:11

I can’t get past giving grandparents a plastic bottle to pee in - your DH must really hate them.

You don’t ask for childcare from people - presuming it’s unpaid - and then treat them like shit in the process.

BillHadersNewWife · 14/02/2020 08:12

His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee

Wtf?? They're in their SIXTIES!! Why are your inlaws pissing in bottles in your house?

Also, can't your Mum and Dad swap sides? Is your Dad ok to climb over?

Deadringer · 14/02/2020 08:12

Pissing in a bottle? That is shocking. I would hate anyone sleeping in our bed but in these circumstances it is the only sensible solution. Your dh is an arse.

Butterymuffin · 14/02/2020 08:12

At least this will be the last time it's a problem if you're moving. Is there really no other childcare option? Otherwise I would pay for a hotel - not 'help' pay for it, pay it ALL - and tell them that you've already booked it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/02/2020 08:13

Hmm I don't really like people sleeping in my bed, but you have to look at it logically. If you stay in a hotel etc, there have been hundreds of people sleeping, and doing Al sorts in that bed before you, so don't really see the difference. What does your dp think they will do in your bed that he is so digisted by?

BillHadersNewWife · 14/02/2020 08:14

Also...why do people find it weird to have their parent in their bed? Just put a mattress protector and and change the bedlinen!

Surely you all realise that the hotels you stay in won't even be as clean and your parents are probably far cleaner than a lot of the stinking guests in hotels!

MummyOfBoyAndGirl · 14/02/2020 08:14

Hmm peeing into bottles!?Envy That is absolutely horrific even as a one off I don't understand why your PIL would have done that.

Can your parents not put the pillows on hen opposite side of the bed? Ie sleep where the feet would go. Then surely it's easier to get out the bed

CalmdownJanet · 14/02/2020 08:15

I can't get passed your In-laws pissing in bottles instead of walking down the fucking stairs Envy

MoveOnTheCards · 14/02/2020 08:16

Swapping beds (with fresh bedding) for a couple of nights is weird but pissing in bottles is OK? Envy (not envy) Confused

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:17

OK this has escalated.

Our loo is downstairs. They would piss in a bottle regardless of which room they were in because they think its too much of a faff to go downstairs to the loo. They chose that solution.

I've just been downstairs to sort this out. The issue is Mum having to climb over Dad to get to toilet and it's easier to do in our room than in spare room, so I've said simply in front of DH that means they'll sleep in our room.

Problem solved.

OP posts:
Cokezeroisyummy · 14/02/2020 08:19

Ugh, the thought of someone peeing into a bottle in my house. I'd give my parents my bed in a heartbeat and DH would aswell, especially if they were doing a childminding favour.