Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

172 replies

12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 07:59

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 14/02/2020 09:27

I'm surprised anyone wants to stay with you. You sound like the perfect hosts!

SW16 · 14/02/2020 09:28

Qwerty but the OP’s actual AIBU / current situation is solved.

Nobody thinks the OP is forcing the ILs to piss in bottles.
It’s an interesting detail, worthy of comment.
There’s de-railing, which this is not because the AIBU is concluded, and there’s thread policing...

bobstersmum · 14/02/2020 09:29

Those saying they'd never let their in laws sleep in their bed, how do you go on in a hotel when literally millions of people have slept in the same bed? A bed is a bed, just lock the sex toys away!

Sleepycat91 · 14/02/2020 09:29

What if they slept the other way around in the bed side by side? Would just have to shuffle down to get out the bed then? I wouldnt like anyone else sleeping in my bed tbh. I couldnt imagine how they would piss in a bottle without getting it on the floor🙈 i can see how a bloke manages it but i couldnt aim properly to wazz in a bottle🤨

Zurina · 14/02/2020 09:30

As someone in their early 70's I feel insulted you think I'd be unable to climb over my DH to get out of bed! Ageist? Not much !

It's not ageist. Neither of my grandparents would be able to do that and they are 71 and 67 - well, they probably could climb over eachother but it woukd be very difficult for them. Not every one of every age has the same physical abilities.

PileofToss · 14/02/2020 09:33

@Qwerty543 sorry but I don't think pissing in bottles is a reasonable 'choice' when you're staying in someone else's house. He's not washing his hands, then getting back into their bed and presumably touching various things in the process? Rough.

I'm sure OP wishes she'd never mentioned it, and has possibly realised by now that pissing in a bottle rather than walking downstairs is not only very much not the norm, it's also absolutely disgusting.

OP if you're moving in 6 weeks anyway I don't really get why this is such an issue.

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2020 09:35

Your husband's a bit of a twat.

loutypips · 14/02/2020 09:36

Wtf his parents piss in a bottle so they don't have to walk downstairs? What if they need a poo, do they do it in a carrier bag?!?

And your dh isn't willing to let your parents sleep in your bed as it's easier for them, bearing in mind they care only there to help you out. Is he worried that they are going to have sex in your bed?
Obviously your dh and parents have some issues!

AgentPrentiss · 14/02/2020 09:38

Ewwwwww if someone pissed in a bottle in my house they would never be welcome back!!!

What the actual fuck!

catinb0oots · 14/02/2020 09:41

Is a marital bed different from a normal bed?

1forsorrow · 14/02/2020 09:43

I'm older than your mother and if I stay with any of my kids I sleep in the spare room. If your mother has disabilities that is different but normal healthy 60 something I think the spare room is fine. We often choose to stay in a hotel as I think a busy young family has enough to do without worrying about entertaining us so we sleep in hotel, have breakfast there and then go and spend the day with them, maybe take the children out to give them a break.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/02/2020 09:45

They are coming to help you and not many 60 year olds are "nimble" enough to climb over each other in the night TBH!

My nan is 85 and crawled around on the floor with my DD yesterday then stood up while holding her.
I mean, my knees don't cope well with that but it doesn't phase her.

Laiste · 14/02/2020 09:46

''I've said simply in front of DH that means they'll sleep in our room.''

And if you were my DH saying that to me i'd tell you to fuck off. No one has the right to TELL me someone else is going to sleep in my bed.

Y have just been VVU

RaininSummer · 14/02/2020 09:46

I dont get why its weird to swap beds, with clean bedding, when it's sensible logistically. If I was in the position described, literally, I dont think I would be offering to look after your children.

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 09:46

@PileofToss I never thought it was the norm, they sort of sheepishly admitted they did it. It's not something I consider a reasonable solution.

OP posts:
1forsorrow · 14/02/2020 09:47

I don't like people sleeping in my bedroom, it isn't just the bed, your bedroom is a private place, sort of a sanctuary so I don't think it is specifically the bed, well it isn't for me.

Bathroom12345 · 14/02/2020 09:49

My father lived on his own for the last 40 years and used to pee in bottles even though his bathroom and bedroom were downstairs. Purely laziness and his house was a pig sty. Now lives in a care home but was living like this for years. He said he washed out the bottles every day (he didn’t!)

Seaweed42 · 14/02/2020 09:51

Your DH probably likes his control of you and your attention not to be diverted elsewhere to others who 'control' you, like your parents.
He gets annoyed when your parents are there because your attention goes to pleasing them and Diddums feels neglected. Therefore he stages a protest by demanding he sleeps in his own cot.
You feel torn apart in all directions now by trying to please both parties.

diddl · 14/02/2020 09:55

Well if it's also difficult to get out of your bed at night then it seems that they might as well have the guest bed imo.

What's your sofa like?

Maybe they should each have the bed one night & the sofa one night?

caringcarer · 14/02/2020 10:00

OP I do hope your new house has toilet upstairs to stop you in-laws weeing into bottles. I thought only some lorry driver s did that. Put up parents in hotel and pay for it. They are doing you massive favour with childcare. Just a thought but could your parents not want spare room as smells of wee from oils.

snappycamper · 14/02/2020 10:01

One of those moments where you realise how weird people can be Hmm

TeaAndCake321 · 14/02/2020 10:01

I’d not have my parents or my in laws sleeping in our bed, it’s our space I just don’t want them sleeping in there. I’d buy a sofa bed for the living room or buy a decent air bed. My parents stay at Christmas we have a high air bed that is basically a double bed, takes about 5 min to inflate (plugs in) once everyone is ready for bed. They used to sleep on it in the spare room but we now have 2 children so there isn’t enough space to put it up in either of our children’s rooms. My parents don’t mind and say it’s very comfortable.

Heartofglass12345 · 14/02/2020 10:06

My mum is 62 and works full time as an NA in a hospital and is probably fitter than me lol.
My sister babysits for us now and again, we live a 40 minute drive away so we usually stay in a hotel and she stays at our hours. She sleeps in our bed, we change the sheets before hand and have a mattress protector, why is someone sleeping in your bed weird?

TomeOfSomething · 14/02/2020 10:10

pissing in a bottle in a house where there is a toilet available is not fucking normal, its extremely grim!

Meaniebobeanie · 14/02/2020 10:12

Very unreasonable your husband I would never do this to my in-laws or parents and neither would DH especially as they are doing you a massive favour