AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

[12mealsaday]

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

I wee in a bucket when camping.

Some people do think it's a 'thing' to not let guests have your main bedroom. My ex-h and his family definitely think it's a thing and would put guests in really inappropriate sleeping arrangements rather than give up their own bed. I could never understand it. My own parents do this to a lesser extent - they would let close family (i.e. their own children only) sleep in their bed but no one else, e.g. if they were away and I had friends staying, they would expect me to sleep in their bed and put guests in my bed, which to me seems a massive faff (multiple changes of bed linen etc) compared to me just staying in my own bed and putting the guests in theirs. They also wouldn't be keen on giving up their own bed if they were home, I'd like to think they wouldn't go as far as the OP's ILs, but the more I think about it the less sure I am.

Geez, your ILs are lazy sods. Will your ILs still be peeing into bottles when you move house.

You could get a vintage chamber pot for them and they could just open the window in the morning and chuck it out whilst screeching gardeyloo.

@SW16 that's different. You're camping

Just what is so special about a 'marital' bed - what an old fashioned phrase!

Urinating in a bottle is just disgusting - they are not old - surely they can get downstairs during the night? If I was reduced to that, I would just give up!!

Not really the point, but surely a woman pissing into a bottle is roughly the same as her pissing all over the floor?

Anyone who pissed in bottle in any of my bedrooms would 100% not be invited back.

Why do you even know this, like it’s normal information?

Buy them a tent!

Mantrarays and if she can piss in a bottle, surely she can make it out of bed and to the bathroom!

Pissing in a bottle takes some balance!

You could get a vintage chamber pot for them and they could just open the window in the morning and chuck it out whilst screeching gardeyloo

Get them a bloody night toilet or whatever it is that invalids pee in!

Bottles!?? What's wrong with you?

I feel a bit bad that your DH doesn’t want people sleeping in his bed, but you’re making him.

We currently only have a sofa bed for guests and my in-laws don’t think it sounds comfy (it’s a futon company one), so they don’t stay. They think we should turn our ‘gym’ (room filled with crap and some exercise equipment)into a guest room with a real bed for the once in a blue moon that they turn up; or give them the keys to our house when we go away so they can use my bed. I disagree. We live in a city with plenty of hotels nearby.

Maybe I’m really odd, but the thought of other people, including my in-laws sleeping in my bed, gives me the proper ick. My bed is my sanctuary. You either enjoy the facilities I have to offer, or you stay in a hotel.

Also, you can’t stay in my house if you think it’s ok to pee in a bottle.

It's good you've agreed to give them your bed but is there a special reason why your partner doesn't want to? Or is, it just how he was brought up (as,you say his parents wouldn't want to sleep in your bed)? If there is a proper reason then you need to consider his views. Still hopefully this will be the last time it's an issue.

I would not want other people sleeping in my bed either. And they are 60 fgs not 90!

Wby would I care ifmy parents slept in my bed? I slept in theirs a lot as a kid!

Your parents needs shohld come before yours when they are staying as guests - I can't imagine making one climb over the other when they need a wee at night.

Peeing in plastic bottles? That's vile. Wtf is wrong with your DH that he thinks this is the better option. I would 't be comibg to help you with childcare anymore.

I'd just pay for a hotel and book it they are helping you out after all.

Your DH should see their point of view.

As for peeing in bottles. Vile.

I'd book the Travelodge for next time they help you out too.

People are so weird about things sometimes. It's just a bed, why should it matter who sleeps in it? I wouldn't have a problem with people sleeping in my bed when I'm not in it and I'd give up my bed in a heart beat for my parents or my in laws if they were struggling that much in the guest room. Your DH is being really weird and unreasonable OP, but you know that now already :)

I can’t get over the Piss bottle ... what the actual fuck ?!

WTF?! Can’t believe I’d just read that you have people weeing in bottles. thats the weirdest thing I’ve ever read.

If the woman was saying her DH wanted her to give up her bed for his parents when she didn't want to, but he did it anyway by announcing in front of everyone, people wouldn't think that was acceptable. A bed is available for them, they have also had the offer of a hotel. Both perfectly reasonable solutions except nope, they aren't happy with those so they get what they want whilst 50% owner of the marital bed gets turfed out against their wishes.

Also OP your comment about your parents annoying your DH because they don't accept boundries says a lot. Do you respect his too? It doesn't seem like it.

63 isn't old at all!?! Why is everyone weeing all through the night with such urgency? DF and DFIL both need a prostate check. The bottle thing is just not on, PIL both need to sleep downstairs near the toilet to stop that. For tonight get a comfy sofa bed or camp bed, then your DM can sleep on that and leave your DF in the spare room, or vice versa. I wouldn't particularly mind someone sleeping on our bed, but only if it's necessary and given you have spare beds it isn't.

Will posters stop banging on about the bloody pissing in bottles! FIL does it through his choice! No one is forcing him and it has absolutely nothing to do with the current situation!

We don't have a spare room so always give guests our bed and we sleep on air beds in the lounge. I don't sleep well when I'm not in my own bed but I would hate as a guest in someone else's house to not be in a proper bed as I just wouldn't be able to sleep. It's only the odd night

You are massively unreasonable. You did get the memo about the free childcare, right?