Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

172 replies

12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 07:59

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 14/02/2020 08:19

Can't believe all these precious people who don't want anyone else sleeping in their bed, it's like bloody Goldilocks.

Mummyshark2018 · 14/02/2020 08:20

Why can't your mum sleep in the outside so she doesn't have to climb over your dad?

CalmdownJanet · 14/02/2020 08:20

Downstairs the bathroom is downstairs not miles away, it's disgusting, I mean beyond weird and vile and rude. They wouldn't step foot upstairs in my home again if the lazy bastards could walk down a stairs to go to the toilet. I mean your in-laws piss in bottles yet it's your parents sleeping in a bed your husband finds weird Confused. Gross just gross

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:21

To clarify, they're peeing in a bottle because our toilet is downstairs, not because of the bed issue.

Yes I'm happy for them to use our bed, especially in the circumstances, their age and they're helping us.

OP posts:
Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:22

@Mummyshark2018 they both have toilet runs in the night and Dad gets priority (another set of issues there)

OP posts:
SuddenArborealStop · 14/02/2020 08:22

It's too much of a faff for two grown adults of not that advanced in age to walk down a flight of stairs to a toilet, they would really rather piss in bottles Hmm

ineedaholidaynow · 14/02/2020 08:23

Could one of them sleep in one of the DC’s beds so no climbing over a double bed required? And the DC share for that night

CalmdownJanet · 14/02/2020 08:23

Eh ta we get it, it still isn't normal or any less gross and the fact everyone seems ok with it is just so odd.

Do you not have an image of your mil squatting over a bottle burned into your brain, there isn't enough mind bleach in the world, how does that even work Confused

yogo · 14/02/2020 08:23

Pissing in plastic bottles?

No. No. No.

LettertoHermoine · 14/02/2020 08:25

HOW does a 60 odd year old woman piss into a bottle? I am literally baffled with that one. How is getting out of bed and squatting over something with an opening so small that you would have to either piss on yourself or the floor easier than going downstairs to the toilet.

Sorry but the thoughts of having bottles of my in laws piss in one of my bedrooms with give me severe anxiety.

SW16 · 14/02/2020 08:28

Glad you have it sorted OP.

I cannot think of a reason why they can’t sleep in your bed for a night. It’s just the compromise that enables you to have childcare.

And once you move this will all be a non-issue.

Have a lovely night out.

Savingshoes · 14/02/2020 08:29

Send your husband to a hotel.
Your mum shares a bed with you and your dad in the spare room.
That way, only half the bed is being used by your parents and your father can spread out, do the midnight wee dash without the need of an undignified wee in a bottle.
Honestly, glamping sounds more up market than staying at yours and your parents are trying to do you a favour.

Gazelda · 14/02/2020 08:29

I'm really surprised that anyone would rather their parents pee in a bottle than let them sleep in their bed.

I'm also surprised at anyone who doesn't let their parents sleep in their marital bed.

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:29

@LettertoHermoine think it's just FIL that does it.

OP posts:
SW16 · 14/02/2020 08:30

I do think your DH has a cheek objecting to swapping beds for your parents, when his think it fine to piss in bottles Grin. It is possible that his views have been... subject to unusual influence.

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:31

@SW16 I agree, DH was so firm about it and his parents as well, that I thought it was a "thing" I didn't know about. Mind you I'd find it weird sleeping in someone else's marital bed.

OP posts:
LettertoHermoine · 14/02/2020 08:31

@12mealsaday ahhh that makes more sense!!

MyuMe · 14/02/2020 08:31

Why doesn't your mum sleep on the side nearest the door?!
Why is she climbing over your dad?

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:32

@Gazelda his parents would piss in bottle regardless of which upstairs room they were in because toilet is downstairs.

OP posts:
Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:33

@Savingshoes it's tempting!

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 14/02/2020 08:33

Every day’s a school day

Original poster
12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 08:34

Should also say my parents are happy, they're having a lovely time here, they are being well looked after (otherwise!!). Its all good in our house at the moment but my DH can be a bit of a stubborn ass sometimes and it cranks up with my parents as they get on his grill a bit.

OP posts:
Lunafortheloveogod · 14/02/2020 08:35

I wouldn’t let them sleep anywhere with a bloody carpet Envy. Parents on both sides are the same ages and both have downstairs loos they walk to regardless of the time.

If it’s just fil and he refuses to go to the loo, needs to be on the outside etc I’d be collaring him to the gp, could well be urgency issues he’s masking as convenience.. ie “I can’t be arsed” is more like “I’d piss myself on the way”

madmother1 · 14/02/2020 08:35

What does AWBU mean???

dottiedodah · 14/02/2020 08:35

I would 100% let them sleep in your bed ! They are coming to help you and not many 60 year olds are "nimble" enough to climb over each other in the night TBH!

Swipe left for the next trending thread