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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

172 replies

12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 07:59

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

OP posts:

mclover · 14/02/2020 08:36

It's weird to sleep in our bed but not weird to piss in bottles ...

rookiemere · 14/02/2020 08:38

I'm glad you're moving, sounds like both your DPs and ILs are making a mountain out of a molehill. Peeing in a bottle because it's too far to walk downstairs . Using age as a get out clause for mobility and toilet visits to make your DCs move from their room at the grand old age of 63.

Our DPs have slept in our bed a couple of times when we were away and there were relatives from abroad - but I didn't really like it and I stressed that the bedsheets needed changing afterwards as they - well DM as DF wouldn't ever change sheets - have a relaxed view about changing bedding.

I hope your new home solves the issue

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/02/2020 08:38

Buy the in laws a commode or something if they won't walk downstairs. There's no way they get it all in the bottom. They're incredibly gross.

Get 2 single beds for the spare room so they can both have an easy exit.

Happy days.

Lunafortheloveogod · 14/02/2020 08:39

Wrong set of parents... the non bottle pissers can take any bed they fancy lol. The only option in our house now is the martial bed or sofas so parents would get priority.

flouncyfanny · 14/02/2020 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flufferbum · 14/02/2020 08:42

Your DP is the problem here. Pissing in a ducking bottle? Wtf 🤮

chatwoo · 14/02/2020 08:43

@flouncyfanny "Are We(e) being Unreasonable"

MzHz · 14/02/2020 08:44

Pissing in bottles because he cba to go to the loo is beyond lazy and revolting!

I wouldn’t give up my bed. My oh wouldn’t either. Ok so we wouldn’t have to, but I’ve always thought it weird that anyone would have you put out of your own bed so you can accommodate them. Id be mortified to inconvenience someone to that extent, especially when there’s an offer of paid hotel!

ineedaholidaynow · 14/02/2020 08:44

So does your FIL walk downstairs with his plastic bottle full of wee for everyone one to see?

Reminds me of my gran’s old house that used to only have an outside loo so bedrooms had a chamber pot in them. She kept the chamber pots even when she had a toilet put in the bathroom.

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/02/2020 08:46

So even if your parents have your bed they will piss in a bottle.

No I wouldn’t want that going on in my bedroom never mind the bed

butterpuffed · 14/02/2020 08:47

All Weeing Bottles Used so BYO [Bring Your Own]

LittleSweet · 14/02/2020 08:48

I'm assuming it's dark in the bedroom when he pees into the bottle... How good is his accuracy? I think that's really unhygienic and disgusting. I wouldn't want that happening in my house. I don't think you should have to give up your bed as there is a double bed in the spare room.

user1480880826 · 14/02/2020 08:48

Your in-laws piss in a bottle?! That is vile. What do they do with the tissue that they use to dry themselves with after if there is no toilet to put it in? Or do they just drop on your sheets?

caffeinefix · 14/02/2020 08:48

Pissing in a bottle! That's just laziness, and frankly disgusting.

FreakyToes · 14/02/2020 08:49

@Oliversmusarmy it's the PIL that piss in bottles, not OPs parents.

user1493494961 · 14/02/2020 08:49

MiL must have a good aim.

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/02/2020 08:49

Either way it’s disgusting

Fernie6491 · 14/02/2020 08:49

dottiedodah I would 100% let them sleep in your bed ! They are coming to help you and not many 60 year olds are "nimble" enough to climb over each other in the night TBH!

As someone in their early 70's I feel insulted you think I'd be unable to climb over my DH to get out of bed! Ageist? Not much !

WikkiTikkiWoo · 14/02/2020 08:50

My in laws didn't like sharing a bed due to FIL's snoring. So when they visited when I was 39 weeks pregnant they insisted on having the spare bed and our bed, and I slept on sofa with DH on floor beside me. I wish I'd known the phrase CF then. And on so many other occasions with them

Zebracat · 14/02/2020 08:52

Pissing n a bottle is so so nasty. I think you should give up your bed for this one-off.

NailsNeedDoing · 14/02/2020 08:52

You don’t have the right to Chuck your do out of his own bed and give it away to someone else just because you think that solves the problem. It doesn’t solve the problem, it just shifts it onto another person.

Your parents have the choice of a hotel or the spare bed. If they don’t like either of those options, then it’s them being fussy, not your dh.

MerryDeath · 14/02/2020 08:52

you have people in your house peeing in bottles?????

i don't know where to begin

WitsEnding · 14/02/2020 08:53

I always gave up my bed for my parents ... but now I'm older my side of the bed is always The Side Nearest The Bathroom.

user1470132907 · 14/02/2020 08:55

Is it a natural part of ageing to be up a couple of times a night to pee? Sounds like they should all be addressing that tbh.

Anyhoo, if your bathroom is downstairs and they’re up to pee a couple of times a night, sounds like a hotel or else air bed in the lounge. Can actually get pretty decent airbeds these days and would fit in a cupboard.

If your parents won’t accept your offer to pay for a hotel then fine to offer them spare room. I also really don’t like other people sleeping in my bed - feels weirdly intimate. And doesn’t sound like they’d be much better off in your bed!

Puddleshook · 14/02/2020 08:56

I bet OP wishes she'd never mentioned the bottles thing as it's actually irrelevant to the question being asked!
I can only hope in the new house there is a better bathroom arrangement for the in-laws!

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