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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AWBU to not let them sleep in our bed?

172 replies

12mealsaday · 14/02/2020 07:59

Parents are visiting for 2 nights to help with childcare for one day today. We are very grateful.

We have spare bedroom with double bed but there's only one way in and out of it as bed is against walls (can't be moved and we've just bought so moving in 6 weeks where this problem will solve itself).

Parents don't want to sleep in it because go to loo couple of times in night and Mum (63) says she's not nimble enough to climb over Dad to go to toilet. She ended up sleeping last couple of hours on sofa 😔

Every time they visit they want to and get upset if they can't take mine and DH's bed (also awkward, have to shuffle down bed to get out but not climb over).

DH thinks it's weird having them sleep in our bed. His parents don't do it and they are similar age, they use plastic bottle to wee (our loo is downstairs) and they're happy with that (have offered them our bed same as I used to offer it to parents before DH put his foot down and they refused).

I've suggested they stay in hotel, it does work out easier to be honest if they do, but they want to stay with us. House is small and it doesn't help that my parents don't respect boundaries so generally can piss DH off.

Is there some unwritten curtesy I haven't heard of that people can't sleep in your marital bed? Is DH BU by putting his foot down and making them sleep in spare room? I would like to give them our room tonight as don't want Mum on sofa.

OP posts:

Ellie56 · 14/02/2020 11:25

not many 60 year olds are "nimble" enough to climb over each other in the night TBH!

You know that for a fact do you? Way to generalise not to mention very rude and insulting.

LakieLady · 14/02/2020 11:37

I'm nearly 65, and despite arthritis I can still get up and downstairs to piss when necessary! MIL still manages to do this and she's in her early 80s. Your DF is gross.

We also manage to clamber over each other to get to the lav when we're in our motorhome.

I do understand your DH's reluctance to let them sleep in your bed though. I feel very territorial about my bed and wouldn't like mine or DP's parents sleeping in it (although are now sleeping for eternity so that's not an issue lol).

I have a couple of very close friends, who I know are scrupulously hygienic, that I would feel ok to allow to sleep in my bed, but they're the sort of friends who are so close I'd also feel comfortable wearing a pair of their knickers if it ever became necessary.

Can't you put off their visit for the 6 weeks until you move?

FagAsh · 14/02/2020 11:38

Such disrespectful treatment, honestly is this real, and arent you embarrassed writing this down?! Put them in your bed ffs

BrendasUmbrella · 14/02/2020 11:50

Why do you say your IL's piss into bottles when it's just your FIL? He's not both of them!

Just buy an airbed and they can sleep on the living room floor.

Nowayorhighway · 14/02/2020 11:54

I just started laughing at them peeing in bottles, it’s so disgusting and ludicrous.

Just give them your bed, your DH is being weird. You can always change and wash the sheets.

Ellie56 · 14/02/2020 11:58

Assuming you change the sheet and mattress protector I can't see what the problem is letting them have your bed. You don't have to give them your duvet and pillows.

FizzyIce · 14/02/2020 12:20

And as for the clambering over someone to get out of bed , my dad is 71 and he’s more nimble than I am !

butterpuffed · 14/02/2020 12:27

My DH once had a pee in a bottle
Not just a little but a lottle
It went all over the floor
Till I shouted No more
Do I have MNetters permission to throttle

Herringbone31 · 14/02/2020 12:36

That’s disgusting. I’m sorry. But the bottle thing is just awful. I don’t think I’d even allow that. Who empties and washes it?!? Ewwwwww

My in laws are angels though. They wouldn’t wee in a bottle and I’d let them have my bed. For sure.

Herringbone31 · 14/02/2020 12:36

A marital bed too?

It’s just a bed.

MzHz · 14/02/2020 12:56

Does your mum have a history of martyrdom @12mealsaday?

Ohffs66 · 14/02/2020 13:03

No-one sleeps in our bed apart from me and DH. I would be really pissed off with you if I was your DH it's not your decision alone as to whether your DPs sleep in your bed, and you've just totally ignored his feelings on the subject by announcing it in front of everyone. Not on at all IMO.

Deadringer · 14/02/2020 13:14

It's just a bed, a thing. These are people, people that are important to the op, and they are doing her and her dh a favour. Disgusting to be so selfish.

MyuMe · 14/02/2020 13:49

A reason why I never offer to babysit my DN anymore is my sister never makes me up a bed. Tells me to do it myself

Won't even be respectful with the bathroom doesn't even ask if Anyone needs the loo first before lying in a bath all morning with her kid the next day.

Upon protest from me I get told you're not an old lady you can wait

Why do people thinking it is ok to treat guests with such contempt particularly when they are giving you free child care.

Celticrose · 14/02/2020 13:55

@ineedaholidaynow

Sorry I read your comment as wank downstairs

Celticrose · 14/02/2020 14:00

Just buy them one of those aids you see in those catalogues you get in magazines. It then belongs to them and they take it home to deal with. Glad our spare room has a ensuite. (Good thinking on the part of my DH)

aSofaNearYou · 14/02/2020 14:07

I think it's really weird that people are so against others sleeping in their bed. The sheets, maybe, but the bed? What kind of things do you all get up to in your beds that somebody else using yours would seem like such a problem? They're just laying down on your mattress. How disgusting do you think there are? Do they wet the bed?

Cookiebear2010 · 14/02/2020 14:14

No one sleeps in my bed but me and DH. Nothing to with the fact that it is our "marital" bed. Its my little sanctuary. I don't sit on my bed with my outside clothes on only Pj's. I was 100% with your DH until i realised he thinks its ok for his DF to piss in a bottle! If that was my FIL he would NEVER stay in my house again. Absolute pure laziness on his behalf! His poor wife having to live with him if that is his standards.

user1471523870 · 14/02/2020 14:39

I have no problem with anyone sleeping in our bed. In fact I gave it up to my parents in a couple of occasions and I am planning to gave it to my inlaws next time they visit, for similar reasons.
Not ideal but also not worth even thinking twice about it. My problem is that I need to get in and out to get my clothes from the wardrobe, but as they normally only stay few days that's a non-issue.

BabbleBee · 14/02/2020 14:43

I’m baffled about the bottles! Are we talking an empty coke bottle or one of the proper ones you get from the pharmacy?!

painintheholeSIL · 14/02/2020 14:48

This thread is hilarious

JRUIN · 14/02/2020 14:52

Can't believe what I've just read! I and my ex husband never hesitated to give up our beds when my in-laws came down for a week at a time, and they were coming for holidays NOT to help us out with childcare. I feel sad for your parents OP. Don't you have any respect for them at all?

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