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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My SIL (soon to be ex-SIL) has gone batshit crazy over my gift of a fitbit to her 10 year old DS

244 replies

fitbitcrazy · 13/02/2020 22:07

So it was my nephew’s 10th birthday and I gave him a fitbit which he absolutely loves - in fact his older brother who turns 11 shortly has asked for one too. The problem is his mum (my SIL soon about to be ex-SIL) has gone batshit crazy and said that it was a ridiculous gift to give a child. Apparently she is going to have words with me....AIBU to have given this gift? (just to add my nephews are both fit and active boys). I am totally perplexed as to what her issue is.

OP posts:
Dozer · 14/02/2020 09:33

It was overstepping.

And as PPs say there are risks with regard to EDs etc.

Cheeseontoast4 · 14/02/2020 09:34

Fitbits and the cheaper equivalents are very popular at my DCs school ... I can only think she’s worried about it getting lost or damaged or the cost

bingbangbing · 14/02/2020 09:37

Fags were very popular at my school- that and Diet Coke was the popular way to stay thin

ActualHornist · 14/02/2020 09:40

I think she’s being weird.

My kids want one, I might get them one at some point. I know their personalities are such that they won’t get obsessed with the calorie counting aspect. And my sister would know that. Although she’d always check with me first to make sure she wasn’t duplicating presents.

adaline · 14/02/2020 09:48

Fitbits and the cheaper equivalents are very popular at my DCs school

Smoking weed and underage drinking was popular when I was at school.

Just because something is popular, doesn't mean it's healthy or a good thing for children to get involved with.

Plenty of people have written about their DC's negative experiences with fitbits. Despite what some posters claim, they clearly do cause problems with some kids - nine year olds shouldn't be counting steps and feeling guilty because they haven't done enough exercise that day!

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 09:50

Considering that 51.8% of people in my town are overweight/obese according to my hospital I think there are worse things than starting to get children to consider their activity and their health.

I don't think you can compare a device to encourage activity and drugs. Which literally have zero benefits.

TheGoatIsHere · 14/02/2020 09:51

For nephew number 2 I would be tempted to just get them an amazon gift card to the value of a fitbit.

BrimfulofSasha · 14/02/2020 09:51

10 year olds should see sport as play not as exercise. I would not be happy if my sister bought my DD10 a fitbit, I certainly would ask before buying my niece 11 one.

As for the older son getting a smartphone- it is his parents decision what technology they deem appropriate, I assume the phone is because he will be starting high school this year?

adaline · 14/02/2020 09:55

Considering that 51.8% of people in my town are overweight/obese according to my hospital I think there are worse things than starting to get children to consider their activity and their health.

Young children absolutely should be active - as part of their daily lives and because it's fun. Not because their watch has told them they've been too sedentary that day, or because it's telling them they ate too much over the weekend or similar.

It's a parents job to ensure their children is getting regular exercise, and it's something they should be doing from a young age. If you want to get a child to become more active, sign them up for a fun activity. Take them to do something like gymnastics or to a roller disco or let them have a go at rock climbing!

adaline · 14/02/2020 09:56

I don't think you can compare a device to encourage activity and drugs. Which literally have zero benefits.

But both can be equally addictive, that's my point. Some people smoke weed because it's beneficial to them - because they have chronic pain or arthritis or cancer. Others find it makes them paranoid and causes all sorts of problems.

You never know whether it will help or hinder you until you're addicted and it's too late. Why would you take that kind of a risk with a primary aged child?

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 09:59

Then that is a risk assemble to for the parents.

Including the father.
Who OP has permission from.

No longer OPs problem.

adaline · 14/02/2020 10:05

Who OP has permission from.

That doesn't mean the mum has to like it, though. They might be separated but that doesn't mean the DH can unilaterally make decisions like that without it having an impact on the other parent.

Nowayorhighway · 14/02/2020 10:07

I agree with your SIL, this is a stupid present for a ten year old child and totally pointless.

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 10:08

She is more than entitled not to like it. And post separation OP doesn't have to care.

Warmfirechocolate · 14/02/2020 10:13

Including the father. Who OP has permission from.
Again that is just devisive to advocate for that.

adaline · 14/02/2020 10:13

She is more than entitled not to like it. And post separation OP doesn't have to care.

If she didn't care, she wouldn't have posted on here in the first place.

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 10:17

Well she's come to the conclusion that it was fine and she's going to carry on with her original plan.

She was only concerned because she received information from a third party that the mother was kicking off.

Considering she hasn't contacted the OP as of yet there is actually no issue at all.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/02/2020 10:34

OP you have the fathers permission, if she doesn’t like it the watches can stay at their fathers house when he has contact.

Unfortunately with broken families, there is going to be conflict however it’s best for either party to come to a solution that lessens the others “feelings”

Personally both my highly active children love their apple watches, there is no negative response with my children.

Winter2020 · 14/02/2020 11:28

I had a conversation with my husband about whether we would like to get our 10 year old boy a fitbit as we have them ourselves and are enjoying monitoring our steps etc. (this conversation was not based on this post but previously)

We decided against as he can be quite perfectionist and I could easily see him becoming upset if he hadn't hit his daily step goal and saying "I'm going to be unhealthy/unfit etc"). We could set an artificially low goal so he always hit it but that won't help if he competes with other kids or is told "we should all take 10,000 steps a day" etc.

He can already get uptight if he can't get to sleep. Probably based on us saying in the past "stop messing around/go to bed - you will be tired tommorrow" so I can see low amount of sleep readings and labels on his sleep such as "poor" coukd cause a lot of anxiety.

I didn't know there was a child's fitbit - we were just thinking the normal one but decided against.

If my sis bought one for him I would think it was generous but that she hasn't appreciated the problems it might bring. I would let him try it and if it caused upset I'd take it off him. I think you should check with their mum about buying the other child one now so that both have the same.

Dozer · 14/02/2020 13:47

10,000 steps is meaningless anyway, health wise.

damnthatanxiety · 14/02/2020 14:47

So we have to check before buying gifts now? don't buy a doll as it might be seen as gender stereotyping....don't buy a Nerf or other 'gun' as people don't want their dc playing with 'waepons'....don't buy makeup as it buys into the patriarchy...now don't buy a Fitbit as it might create an obsessive disorder. I think some parents already have some obsessive disorder - a control freaky overthinking disorder.

Dozer · 14/02/2020 14:48

Yes sure, if like OP you’re going to show poor judgment about gifts, then yes, check with one of the parents! Trickier when they’ve split up, of course.

BlackCatSleeping · 14/02/2020 14:53

I think it’s polite to check with parents before buying an expensive gift or an unusual gift. Of course no one is going to care about a coloring book and crayons but some parents might not want a 5-year-old to have makeup.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/02/2020 02:07

Nothing against the OP's brother because I don't know what he's like at all, but it's disingenuous to say that "oh well the father's ok'd it so it's fine" - some fathers are not considerate of their children's wellbeing over them having cool and expensive stuff.
I used to have a neighbour who had split from her DD's father - the child was 3. He bought her a tv for her bedroom and then created an absolute shitstorm in the front garden, including ripping up the picket fencing and throwing it at the neighbour, narrowly missing the 3yo herself, because her mum had (IMO, rightly) decided that she was too young for a tv in her bedroom and was using it in the main house.

Both parents should agree on what is appropriate for their child, but if they don't, then it's better to hold off on giving something that one parent doesn't approve of, even if the other one agrees with it, unless you KNOW for a fact that the refusal is out of spite.

mathanxiety · 15/02/2020 03:31

damnthatanxiety

Do you honestly believe that a nerf gun or makeup would be suitable gifts to lob into a home? How about sending someone a kitten in a box at Christmas?