My SIL (soon to be ex-SIL) has gone batshit crazy over my gift of a fitbit to her 10 year old DS

[fitbitcrazy]

So it was my nephew’s 10th birthday and I gave him a fitbit which he absolutely loves - in fact his older brother who turns 11 shortly has asked for one too. The problem is his mum (my SIL soon about to be ex-SIL) has gone batshit crazy and said that it was a ridiculous gift to give a child. Apparently she is going to have words with me....AIBU to have given this gift? (just to add my nephews are both fit and active boys). I am totally perplexed as to what her issue is.

The OP should have been aware that a Fitbit is a controversial present.

Why? How?
I had no idea that fitbits were controversial. I've only heard of them as positive things.
Does everyone now have to google "is (insert present) controversial?" beofre buying it?

And having to check with both parents when they're separated is just too much to ask of every relative giving a gift. C'mon now, who does that in real life?

which is far worse in my opinion

Yeah, mentioning it to a "mutual contact" v bitching to potentially hundreds with the option of a slot in the Daily Mail too.... 🤔

If you say so.

Why and How are fitbits controversial?

It has been explained quite extensively on the thread.

Oh come on! A calorie counter and exercise tracker? And you don’t think that could potentially cause trouble for a young kid whose parents are splitting up? That’s very naive.

@SoupDragon I absolutely say so. If someone has a huge beef with me, I'd far rather they vented here, with my anonymity intact (even if it went to the DM) than blacken my name to people I care about.

There is far greater problems in this country with obesity than with anorexia or other eating disorders. Primary school children are increasingly very overweight and do very little exercise. We all know the long term impact on our physical and mental health of obesity Underweight children are very rare in primary schools. Most children with fit bits learn pretty quickly that you can add steps by waving your arms around a bit. Used with parental guidance oersonally my opinion is that they can be useful for children to keep active and to be aware how active they need to be to get 'enough' steps.

It’s for parents to decide whether devices like this are appropriate for their DC. Not for other family members.

People keep saying parents.
Stop embarrassing yourselves. You just mean mothers.

The father has approved. But just like typical MN that's not good enough. It needs the vagina seal of approval.

My son loves his. He is really I to his sports and loves to see how many steps he has completed a day. My fil got him it for Christmas. I would ask the parent before buying but purely to see if it is something they would get use of as they are quite expensive. Still not sure on her reaction? 🤔

ddraigygoch yes I do mean mothers. Mothers do the vast majority of child rearing. In many cases destroying their bodies, finances, career prospects, and severely limiting their relationships and their own happiness in the process while men often carry on as normal.

Yes, mothers should have the final say.

Well thankfully the father can accept this gift for his children.

If a woman wants absolute control she can go trot into a sperm bank.

I don’t mean mothers, I mean parents. A calorie counter and fitness tracker is something both parents need to agree as suitable. Especially when they’re divorcing, which makes it more important to make joint decisions to avoid the good cop/bad cop scenario the OP is pushing for.

Seems some posters on this thread are going to turn into those nightmare MILs who give children wildly inappropriate gifts without thinking about the parents' feelings or rules at all!
No doubt they'll be giving tablets and phones to 5yos because THEY think they're a good generous gift, no care as to how the parents feel about it!

It is NOT acceptable to just assume whatever you give must be taken with a thank you and gratitude, if it's not an appropriate present.

Electronics, IMO, should always be checked with the parentS in case they have rules about it. So should e.g. drumkits, brass instruments, giant toys - we've had threads on here where parents with tiny living spaces have been bought giant presents from unthinking relatives who expect gratitude and nothing else, when there is literally no space for these giant presents - it's SO rude to just expect that without considering the recipient!

A family member of mine was similar in that she only ever considered her own feelings when she gave gifts, never the recipient - and then got stroppy when the recipient didn't fall over themselves with gratitude for the inappropriate/ careless gifts.

It's unrealistic to expect communication over presents to happen once a marriage has broken up. And why is it the OP who is in the wrong and not the SIL for bitching about her behind her back? That's not okay, she should speak to the OP directly.

Wouldn't that be unrealistic since the marriage has broken up?

Or does the communication requirement only work one way?

I don’t see why you expect your SIL to express gratitude for gifts given to your nephews.

DH or I would thank someone for a gift given to DS because he’s a baby. If it’s from husband’s side of the family he would normally be the one to thank them, my side and I’ll do it. My nephew is 2 and he says thank you for gifts. Ok my sister or her husband have to prompt it/coach him a bit. By school age I’d expect most children to have a grip on saying thank you (perhaps with a prompt) and by Ten I can only imagine my involvement might be asking if they’d thanked the gift giver if I hadn’t been present - frankly I wouldn’t even do that if my husband had been there.

Is your family wealthy and SIL from a less privileged/rich family? You clearly look down on her; perhaps that explains the impending divorce?

Do what you like. The children are of the age when they’ll soon recognise the situation for what it is. Luckily it sounds like mum is going to be the resident parent.

A family member wanted to give one to my dd and I said no because it would feed into her worries about being fat. Kids don’t need to measure their steps they just need to get out and have fun.

Fitbits (or similar, my kids have a Garmin Vívofit Jr) don’t encourage you to “burn off your lunch”. They just count steps, active minutes and sleep.

Just wondering if your other nephew has had his birthday and how did SiL take the gift of a second fitbit for her child?
Hope everything is going well regardless. :)

90% of people don’t like the idea of the Fitbit. As a parent I can totally understand it. Kids are growing up worrying about weight. Even at such a young age now. I wouldn’t get one for my children purely because of this. I have two very tiny skinny children. I wouldn’t want the pressure of it on them

So far we don’t know WHY she is upset. Maybe it’s the price. Maybe not. We don’t know her. You do

Heed the advice. Even if it perplexes you. You asked for advice. We gave it

I’d would rather a day out. Than a physically gift. Nothing more special than love and family days out.

Instead of vouchers. I would do another day out. Like the Harry potter world. That’s a good one.