To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

It's a title, not a pronoun. A pronoun is used instead of a noun, not in addition to a name. HTH

I totally get where you are coming from OP I would be annoyed I have a hard won title too and I expect it to be used I would bank the cheque and then complain though

An ordinary degree or even a Master's will not give you the Dr title, although you vpcan put BA or MA after your name. You need a PhD to have the Dr title, or if going down the medical route, need to have qualified as a Medical Doctor for this. IMO you have worked bloody hard and deserve your title to be acknowledged.

It would annoy me too, OP. I also use Dr as a gender neutral title (which I'm entitled to - I'm not just making it up ) and I think it's only courteous to use the title people have given, just as it's polite to check the spelling of their name, or their gender if required in context (e.g. pronoun selection). It's just manners, and I do think there is an element of misogyny - women are less likely to be given their correct titles in all sorts of contexts.

However, I would still cash the cheque and move on. You already know this company as useless, there's nothing to be gained by dwelling on it.

Am I thick?
I don’t understand why it’s sexists to be called Mrs 🤔or is it just sexist to assume you are a Mrs 🤔
Just cash the god damn check 🤣

If you’re a medical doctor complain and wait their time for the replacement - giving them a laugh for their troubles. If you’re not a medical doctor no one cares but you and the other non medic
Cal doctors who cling onto the title like a badge of honour. If you can’t fix my ailments you’re not a doctor to me.

GiveHerHellFromUs Are you jealous. Its her name and she has done a lot of work to earn the title Dr. Especially if it's an academic title as gps are not really Dr. in the true sense. I complain if people get my title wrong, and I use Mx. I also have a first name similar to a much more common name and I refuse to ever let anyone off if they call it me. There is one letter different at the end of my name. MAFIL communicated with her correct title and it is not unreasonable to expect the person corresponding has the basic skills to use it, it would indicate that they are neither reading her correspondence properly or taking it seriously

RE sexism and MRS. Men do not disclose their marital status to every stranger they have dealings with every day of their lives, so why should women. If you use miss or mrs you are giving personal information beyond just marital status, perhaps assumptions can be made regarding sexual experience for instance. It denotes a belonging, which is outdated. Bugbabe1970 you could do some research and reading on the use of such titles, how they came about and then you can make an informed decision as to which you prefer to use.

My DH worked in a lab where the ID badge machine just gave people titles at random 😂 whatever you put in. He was grateful to be Mr (I'll pretend I'm a surgeon) as other colleagues had ended up as Rev. Very few actually had Dr though! I suspect a similar issue with the machine that created your cheque. Mrs is probably a default. Some machines only seem to have Mr or Ms these days too which annoys me as I'm neither.

@Bikerider2020 It's one thing disagreeing with the OP. It's another to resort to insults and accusations of boastfulness. In general I haven't seen anyone saying 'actually I don't think the title is particularly important because XYZ reasons'. What I've seen is personal insults, jealousy and a fair bit of spite.

Not from me, not from a lot of people @Vanhi, so don't feel that you can dictate that every women must show solidarity.

I think the OP is being petty and I'll stand by that, she's in AIBU and she asked.

Nobody other than you cares. It's no more of an oversight than companies repeatedly spelling my name wrong. If the bank are happy to cash the cheque then move on.

It's not a slight against you or your title, just a careless oversight. Don't read more into it than that.

@Bikerider2020 I've expressed disappointment at the spitefulness and name calling. I would hope for some support for the OP's achievements, even whilst thinking her use of her title might be wrong in this instance. Nowhere am I trying to dictate anything to anybody.

And I do get tired of the idea that AIBU is carte blanche for nastiness. Robust argument, fine, but there is a person on the receiving end of all this.

@Vanhi Again, not everyone was nasty and again I won't show "solidarity" to someone petty! You agreed with a post that said all women should! In fact why doesn't OP stop showing up women by being so petty! She got what she wanted and is still whining! If she feels that strongly that she had to be addressed by her gender neutral title, then she can destroy the cheque!

Incidentally traditionally unless you are a medical doctor it’s considered bad form to use the title Dr except in the professional pursuance of that role.

This is utter nonsense @Candodad.

That’s interesting how it works in your country, @AngstyAnnie. Here in the U.K., if a woman becomes a medical doctor, earns a PhD or professional doctorate, then her title for all purposes becomes Dr. Officially, she is no longer Miss or Mrs or Ms (although of course there’s nothing to stop her using them if she prefers). But it is absolutely correct and proper for those who have earned the title to use Dr in all aspects of their daily life for that is their correct title.

@BowStreetStunner you can’t use the title Dr unless you have a medical degree, a PhD or a professional doctorate.

@amispeakingenglish no I'm not jealous.

I respect that OP chooses to use a title she's worked hard for.

Would you return a cheque after a year long dispute if someone missed an a off the end of your name, or whatever the difference in spelling is? Would you really cut your nose off to spite your face?

Bank it, move on and grow up.

@MacBlank Are you a proper Dr, or just a theory Dr?

It seems you are labouring under a common misapprehension! Those with a PhD or professional doctorate (what I think you’re calling a “theory Dr”) are in fact the only “proper” doctors! Those with a ‘just’ a medical bachelors degree are given the use of the title as an honorific.

Omg. Is thread still running? You are full of self importance and an idiot. No don't return. Screw it up and toss in bin. Then you you are both winners 😂😂😂

I have been browsing a renowned plastic surgeon’s website, he evidently prefers Mr over Dr as that is how he is constantly referred as.

I read something about consultants actually dropping the Dr title as a show of experience/seniority

This would annoy me too. But I would probably bank the cheque and then write to them to tell them of the error. I can't bear being called Mrs Loca. It's no one's business whether I'm married or not.

I have been browsing a renowned plastic surgeon’s website, he evidently prefers Mr over Dr as that is how he is constantly referred as

Er. Yes, because he's a surgeon. All surgeons revert to "Mr".

Bank the cheque and write an email notarising your displeasure if you must.
I’ve been divorced 15 years and still get Mrs! Who cares