To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

'Dr' is OP's correct title. What's so wrong about expecting people to use it?

Just bank it. I never use my Dr title it's bloody pretentious

Mary Beard is that you??

What?!? .... just WHAT?!! Please do yourself a favour and delete this thread.

Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff...

Guess you should stop being such an arse.and address your letters as ms or Mrs
..

@MAFIL
Are you a proper Dr, or just a theory Dr?

If a proper Dr, I can understand..... I'm the slightest way possible, almost borderline, couldn't actually give a fuck!

If just a theory Dr, then, just bank the cheque. You beat them down and won, so be the pleasent Victor, and bank the cheque.

...
Personally, I bet your chq is more than my fiancee n me have to live on for a year, despite me being disabled and my fiancee having cancer.

I have an unusual name, and I don't care how it's done or appears on a chq, so long as it's valid and can be spent.

I certainly wouldn't be on mums net to GLOAT about a win, and show everyone how far up ya arse you have your head to go on about the title on a sodding chq. Banks don't take notice of the title on a chq, so long as the details are correct.

Whether you call yourself, Dr, rev, Mr, Mrs or Ms. Only time titles become important is if you're not entitled to use that title, IE call yourself a lady (hahaha) and your not a lady/lord etc ... Unless of course you buy a title for a £200!

I'm glad all you have to worry about in life, is being pedantic 😜

Get over yourself! I’m an emeritus Professor. I held a chair in a medical specialty until retirement and have always used my maiden in that context. I use my ‘Mrs’ title and husband’s last name most of the time privately because, frankly, I have nothing to prove.

Your post is just an unnecessary boast.

Yanbu. However I would bank the cheque. I also disagree with women being expected to 'show's marital status using a title when men are just 'Mr'. I use 'Ms'.

You have got a fair amount of grief for this on here..... but I suspect it’s probably been a long and drawn out road creating much angst and anger to get here with this organisation.

I am definitely not a Dr.... but I can empathise that it’s just another unnecessary annoyance in an unpleasant situation - from your perspective just a principle that should be valued - but ask yourself is it one that is worth extending your consternation with the whole situation? The reality here is that you will only fuel your own anger and angst more by returning it - how long until the replacement and will they start another argument or even renege the offer altogether? And you can’t draw a line under that until the matter is fully closed legally. So bank the cheque - your bank will accept it. Titles have no real legal basis in the U.K. so as long as it has your name it’ll be fine. As soon as it’s cashed you can start moving on and put the whole thing behind you.

The win is in getting through the war intact, not every battle is worth fighting. You’ve already won.

I can understand that you are irritated, instead of using your professional title they've made an assumption based on your gender. Not good in this day and age.

Also your dander is likely already up so I can understand why this might be making you feel fighty. However the personal impact on you of legal action is probably quite heavy enough. I'd say bank the cheque as it is and take a big relieved breathe that it's over.

Ignore the faux outraged posts that you should have the absolute temerity of being both a woman and a doctor and expect the world to accept it by using the title you've earned. Men's achievements are rarely so easily dismissed.

I care about whether people call me "Dr".

Because I'm a Professor.

@skidley - you’ve made me laugh! My son who is a QC is so scruffy out of work that once, while waiting for his partner outside a supermarket- complete with his rescue greyhound - a kind old lady tried to give him some money for a cup of tea. I still laugh about it.

Also it’s worth noting that in my earlier career having passed certain exams, I rescinded my Doctor title and I was very proud to be ‘Miss’. Likewise, my male colleagues were very proud of being entitled to be ‘Mr’.

You are correct it is casual sexism it happened to me when I got a new ID badge at work they automatically put my title as Mrs when I went to tell the IT department the guy said he just assumed because of my age I was married! I was a bit annoyed at the casual sexism but you do have to pick your battles.

I also have a bachelors degree but have never and would never use
The term doctor tbh I had no I could I am a teacher so will stick to Miss.

Back to the original question cash the cheque and move on!

Jesus woman just be glad they finally paid up and bank the bloody cheque! Do you really think that if you send it back you'll get another one issued using your correct title?!

Bank it and move on. I get upset when holiday hotels book myself and my daughter in as Mr and Mrs. My husband died so it really annoys us. Its incompertance mixed with generalisation. Not good enough.

Send them a video of you tearing it up, eating it and asking for a new cheque in your full and correct name.

I am Queen Funguy. I always insist this must be on all correspondence.

Take a copy. Bank the cheque & wait until it clears. With a red marker, circle the MRS & writs:
IT’S DR YOU KNOBS
and send that to them. Problem solved.

Like it, dreamTheMoors!
OP you've had a bashing on this thread which I think is really unfair, even for AIBU. I'd have been pissed off too, and then I would have stewed on it for a while, and then thought 'fuck em' and cashed it whilst sticking two middle fingers up at my online banking when I saw it cleared.
Casual sexism isn't ok, bashing people for being upset by casual sexism isn't ok.

Is it a company that you could write a review about, such as on Trustpilot?
Meanwhile bank the cheque, in case it gets lost in the system.
If there is a way to publicise their ineptitude I would find it and show them up - bank the cheque first

Stop being a jobsworth and making something out of nothing

I totally understand how aggravating it is that they have not used the correct title however, as they have finally paid out I would just bank the cheque and just forget about them. Ultimately they are insignificant to you and you have won the case and been financially remunerated.

This would annoy me as I always get addressed as Mrs when I’m Dr but I’d take the cash and run ....

Just bank it FGS!
Blimey I have a doctorate and worked really flippin' hard for it. I have never ever asked anyone to refer to me as Dr. or ever worked up that they have used the "wrong" title. I have much bigger problems to take care off