To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

This is a man's world.

Titles... how quaint!

I assume it's a British thing and goes back to your country's obsession with class/social status etc. as where I'm from (not here) no one would use "Dr" in any capacity other than relevant work related correspondence... be that a medic or someone with a doctorate.

Man, woman or beast you would be considered thoroughly wanky to insist upon being referred to as Doctor So and So - and rightly so!

What I've always wondered is when someone refers to themselves as Dr how do we know they are a Dr and why is it relevant outside the professional context? I never use any titles without seeing the original certification, and I advise you all to do the same.

I have a rather nasty neighbour (whole other post) who lives sending us rather nasty letters signed Dr Nasty Neighbour. Tbh I have so little respect for the stupid woman that when I reply I only ever put 'nasty neighbour'. Nothing sexist about it, just really don't like it being rubbed in my face.
I hate to point this out, but maybe it's a final "flip the bird" at you if you have caused a host of problems, especially as they are incompetent enough to owe you any amount of money.
Just bank the money and remember that the title Dr may be much less important to anyone else than it is to you

Jeeez, just bank the cheque Dr Precious, and move on.

AngstyAnnie - totally agree! No, we are not all like this in the UK and the OP is being pathetic. Bank the cheque/send an email/navel gaze - who cares? Get some perspective here.

Just bank it and be done with it. You are being very pretentious.
There is a parent on dc primary school whattspp group who refers to herself as Dr blah blah. This really pissed off the other mums on the chat group as no need. No one is better than anyone else.

I can't believe that I'm the only one who wants to know what the legal dispute was over! Come back Dr. @MAFIL and enlighten me please. My nosiness is getting the better of me!

As I'm not a doctor, I can't really comment on whether it would bother me or not. If they had already annoyed me, then yes, it might be a final insult, but I very much doubt I'd bother demanding they re-issue the cheque.

I received a cheque from an organisation last year, they'd incorrectly assumed my marital status. My bank refused it

My FIL is a Rev and he gets a little annoyed when his title is dropped for Mr by people who should know. I believe rightly so. I think Dr is also a title that you earn and it's OK to refer to yourself as such, but in this case, I wouldn't bother taking it any further, they are not worth the effort, bank the cheque and relax.

It’s a company that you already have had significant problems with and you already see them unfavourably, so who cares? What will a complaint do? Sometimes you just need to cut your losses and move on, do you really want to drag this out any further?

Yawn... bank the cheque

Why create the drama? The company won’t care - they’ll just say meh, put it in the system to re-issue, and you’ll be waiting a few weeks. Spend your energy on something that really matters.

I'd get a grip and and bank the cheque

Wow how boastful are you?

YANBU to be irritated at the wrong title on the cheque. It's sloppy and inaccurate. And annoying.
It's a final little protest on their part.
Personally, I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of making me wait another few months so they can carry out this teeny admin correction. And drag it out they will. Let's face it, it'd only be you suffering not them, and for what? The principle of your title?

Bank the money, enjoy your win, put it all behind you, and look ahead to the future 😊

I think you've been given a hard time on this thread. You are a medical doctor and worked hard, and continue to work hard to have that honorary title. You are not unreasonable at all, and i would be annoyed as well.
( I'm a dentist that occasionally uses the title doctor professionally but don't want to add that to the debate 🤨🤫. )
On a practical level. It could end up being a total pain in the neck returning the check and asking for it to be reissued. I'd firstly try and bank it. Then possibly complain after, then leave it...

Oops "cheque" not "check".

As a medical doctor I'm delighted not to use Dr. I am Dr maiden name and Mrs married name. We did have a patient with a PhD who complained to us as when we went to the waiting room to call him in we called him Mr not Dr X. 2 page complaint letter....and we have to reply fully....not like I've got anything better to do with my day!

This thread reminds me of this clip:

DR EVIL - 6 years of evil medical school
m.youtube.com/watch?v=C41o5a6NeNE

Not really sure why this is a source of amusement. Surely we should all be supporting successful women to be be recognised as such rather than tearing each other down in such a spiteful way? Just because not everyone has done what op has done in terms of achievement doesn’t mean she’s not entitled to a bit of solidarity from other women here.

Yes, this. There's an awful lot of spite and resentment on this thread. No-one's saying they're better than you. All the OP wants is a gender-neutral title. If I hear that someone has worked hard for something and been rewarded with a title, or grant, or letters, or whatever, I just congratulate them on their achievement. I don't have a go at them for being boastful and try to put them down. I don't take it as some sort of personal slight on my abilities or some kind of one-up-man-ship. Cool, your're a reverend, Dr, CBE, whatever. Well done. What's the problem?

@Vanhi I'll show solidarity when it's fitting, not someone being stupidly bloody minded a d making more work for themselves and others! Jeez she won, got the cheque and is still not happy.

oh dear, you have not been given the proper pronoun. Hate crime?

If it is a nice sum of money and they cash it really is there any point holding it up over something so petty.. also age discrimination here probably but how old are you, as it is graduates that are precious about letters after their names.. Do you put your title on the end of you email signature so everyone knows you have a degree 😄😄 I never bothered 15 years ago as my degree is not worth the paper it is written on these days 😄😄 Also GDPR has got everyone’s nickers in the twist About whether they are Ms Mrs Miss DR Vicar Knighthood Love Island Finalist Bla Bla just don’t disclose it if it is not red starred these days 😄😄