Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To return this cheque?

414 replies

MAFIL · 13/02/2020 15:14

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

OP posts:
redwoodmazza · 13/02/2020 15:15

Bank it - then move on!!!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/02/2020 15:17

What a pathetic stealth boast.
Nobody other than someone with the title of Dr actually cares.

John470322 · 13/02/2020 15:18

Pay in the cheque and once it has cleared and you have the money write to tell them what prats they are.

Ellisandra · 13/02/2020 15:19

Is the accounts payable person who raised the cheque anything to do with the person/team you’ve been corresponding with?

My council tax changed my name to my husband’s when he rang to say he’d moved it. I was raging. I rang up all ready to give them hell, and the woman I spoke to calmed me down instantly saying, “goodness, that’s totally out of order! I’m really sorry - I’d be so cross if it were me!”

It was one person’s mistake, borne on outdated assumptions, not a systemically misogynistic council tax process.

Yes, it’s casual sexism. But whether I challenged it would depend on who I thought had made the mistake, and why.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 13/02/2020 15:20

Blimey jus bank the cheque and move on...

Life is too short to get worked up about this shit

Iliketonamechangealot9876542 · 13/02/2020 15:20

You’d be better posting this maybe in the feminism chat? Rather than AIBU - as he’s you are being unreasonable

Alsohuman · 13/02/2020 15:21

Pay it in and forget about it. Life’s too short.

lemonsandlimes123 · 13/02/2020 15:23

Is your doctorate of any relevance to the matter in hand? If not then there is no reason for you to have been using it other than some sense of intellectual superiority, in which case, get over yourself and bank the cheque.

araiwa · 13/02/2020 15:24

You go girl!

c0ffeeandcake · 13/02/2020 15:26

🙄you sound like fun

Penners99 · 13/02/2020 15:26

This is Mumsnet, thought the cheque was to be cancelled not cashed???

c0ffeeandcake · 13/02/2020 15:27

Actually you've really pissed me off!!!! Out of all the things you could find to complain about, you've got this?! There are so many things going wrong in the world and you're getting your nickers in a twist over the title on a cheque??

NotSusanna · 13/02/2020 15:28

If you've been in a legal dispute with them for some time, it's fairly petty to get riled over something as unimportant as a title.

Bank the cheque and get a grip.

Drum2018 · 13/02/2020 15:28

🙄 you obvioulsy have little to worry you. If you are happy with the compensation amount just bank the cheque.

MAFIL · 13/02/2020 15:32

I don't have a doctorate lemonsandlimes just a lowly bachelors degree like vast numbers of other doctors. But it is a great title for not identifying sex or marital status.
Though in fact I would object to the assumption that I am a Mrs every bit as much if I was a Miss or a Ms or a Mx or whatever other titles there are.

OP posts:
Likefootball · 13/02/2020 15:32

Just cash the cheque, you'll get your money , end of matter.

trianglular · 13/02/2020 15:33

Oh my fucking god. You have 'won' and you still want to cause agro?

Bank the cheque, grow a smile, move on with your life. You sound thoroughly miserable.

PineappleDanish · 13/02/2020 15:34

Problem is, that if you return it, it'll get lost in the system and you'll wait another few months to get it reissued.

As long as the surname is correct the bank should accept it. Just pay it in, and move on.

LimpidPools · 13/02/2020 15:36

Well, I'd be irritated too. But at least they've allowed you to keep your own surname and not given you your husband's Wink

You already know they're inept, so just take the money and get them out of your life. Sounds like they've had far too much of your energy already.

GaraMedouar · 13/02/2020 15:36

Bank it!

PineappleDanish · 13/02/2020 15:36

If you're a medical doctor who goes on to get a PhD, does that make you a Doctor Doctor?

MegaClutterSlut · 13/02/2020 15:36

Sounds like you like making more work for yourself and other people. Cash it and move on. I'd have thought you would've been keen to get it over and done with tbh.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/02/2020 15:38

I agree with you that they should given you the correct title or no title at all. But you have your money. Pay it to the bank, if they refuse to cash it due to wrong title (which I doubt) then ask the company to reissue.

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/02/2020 15:38

Ha ha get a grip of yourself.

namechanger2019 · 13/02/2020 15:39

I am a doctor (PhD in astrophysics) and this sort of thing winds me up too. But you won't get much sympathy on mumsnet, just accusations of stealth boasting and being petty. Imo this is a feminist issue. My Dh is also a dr and people seldomly get his title wrong (only my daughter's school). More often than not we get Dr and Mrs his last name, when we are Dr his last name and Dr my last night.