To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

Grow up and just bank it. Why cut your nose off. Its money!

A medical doctor eh?

Just bank the cheque and move on. They've paid up after a dispute, so you've made the important point.

Returning a cheque over this is a complete nonsense. Do you honestly thing whoever's desk the cheque lands on for reissue or the organisation itself will give a shit?

DCokeford it's the slow typing arthritic fingers rather than my reading comprehension.

Anyway, I have no interest in unpleasantness. It just saddens me that a site set up to be supportive can turn into the polar opposite.

It may be irksome but probably best now just to bank the cheque and move on. You're entitled to be addressed by your correct title and maybe they did it deliberately or maybe not but is it worth any more of your time?

I would bank it and then write a stern letter. It matters.

When I set myself up as a Limited Company I got all manner of post trying to get my custom.
It might seem petty but I did write to a couple who assumed I was Mr Brave, I assume because I am the Director. If a company can't make an effort to address people correctly they're not getting my custom.

Consultants are usually Mr, Miss etc anyway.

Nope. Surgeons are Mr/Mrs/Ms. Physicians are Dr. Consultants are Mr/Mrs/Ms or Dr depending on whether they’re a consultant surgeon or a consultant physician.

WTF. The OP is a medical Dr of course she should be correctly titled. I got pissed off at the bank when they put Mrs on my bank cards because I had used Ms on the forms ( I never use Mrs) but if I’d spent 5+ years on my degree and hours and hours of medical training I’d be fucked off not to be given the courtesy of my title. In this case I would probably just pay the cheque in but it would really annoy me.

@MAFIL

Fuck me.

I don't know what's more depressing, the original everyday sexism that OP posted about - or the eye rolling, scoffing and insults she has received here for pointing out said sexism.

Nice to see how some people here treat women who flag up sexism. Great example to your daughters and sons.

OP, I would totally send it back (if I could afford to wait for reissue) and insist on it being reissued correctly, ideally with no title at all. (When men start denoting their marital status within their name, then I will too - except they won't, so I won't).

Oh and I'm very happily married, I just don't see the relevance of that fact to any organisation I'm dealing with in a personal/professional capacity unrelated to my DH or my marriage. Organisations aren't dealing with me as an appendage of my DH, they are dealing with me and they can get their fucking paperwork right, or they have it pointed out.

@DameFanny

Wow they'd done complete crab-bucket fuckwits on this thread. 'call me what you like if you're writing me a cheque' 'is that all you've got to worry about' 'boasting much'

Jesus fucking Christ you lot should be ashamed of yourselves.

Someone works hard to get qualifications, qualifications in this case that directly put good back into the community, and you think she's being precious because some knob at a bank can't be bothered to read any of the letters she's written? Should I call you all Gerald and you can fucking like it because names don't matter?

Jesus fuck. I'm ashamed of you.

You are OBVIOUSLY taking the piss yeah?

If not, then all the LOLz, and LMFAO!!! And also, calm the fuck down luv...

There are some batshit whackjob reponses on here! OTT reactions or WHAT?!

@DameFanny I am completely in agreement with everything you say. In fact I'm waving flags in your honour.

Lolz.

Just to remind people, the question OP asked was

"The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?"

And MNers reply (these are actual quotes)

You're pathetic
Stealth boast
You've pissed me off
You sound utterly miserable
Get a grip
Grow up
You're rather immature
Chill out a bit
Cop the fuck on
Dear God woman get over yourself (this is a particular highlight)
You sound way too far up your own arse
Precious
Ridiculous

Seriously?

There must be an awful lot of people's blood pressure on here going through the roof and this didn't even happen to them.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles And all the comments are well justified too.

I can't believe how many people have completely got the wrong end of the stick on this thread (and with the stick held at the wrong end, have gone on to beat the OP with it)

It doesn't matter that the cheque isn't made out with the OPs Dr title on it. She doesn't care too much about that. She cares that they have arbitrarily/sexistly called her Mrs, with no evidence she was married, but that is what society expects from a woman of a certain age. Why in this day an age must all women be defined by their marital status, particularly when it wasn't given so they have made it up! Ok it's not a big problem, but casual sexism matters, would people have been happy for her to receive a cheque on pink paper cause she's female? It's not that different. Judging by the level of responses most posters would be "Oooh pretty!"

Good post @webuiltciscityonsexistroles.

Bank it and move on! There are worse things in life!

Not everything that makes you feel inferior is a stealth boast

This doesn't make me feel inferior in the slightest. In fact, if anything it makes me feel better about myself because I am many things but at least I'm not that petty

Well thanks for the flags @ThePlantsitter

I guess the impulse to be a cool girl and not one of those awkward women that sticks up for themselves is still too strong in many.

Turkeys and fucking Christmas.

My sister is a vet, she is Dr in Australia but not England. It really isn't worth the headspace. Be glad you finally got the cheque.

OP. Are you sure that you're just annoyed because you're perceiving this as sexism? There's not even a little bit of you that is annoyed because they're not respecting your authority?

And are you sure you only use Dr because it's a sex-neutral option? There's not even a little bit of you that uses it because you think it will get you additional respect and better treatment?

Because people spend years and years achieving all sorts of difficult things that they should be proud of - many of them providing them with all sorts of honorifics. But the vast majority of people don't use them outside of the context in which they're relevant.

@PoppyFleur

In fairness, you were the one who started it by being so snarky about reading comprehension