To return this cheque?

[MAFIL]

I've received a cheque today from an organisation that I have been embroiled in a legal dispute with for some time. They have finally admitted their fault and compensated me. All good, except the cheque is payable to Mrs MAFIL and, unsurprisingly, given its my name, my bank account is in the name of Dr MAFIL. Now I expect my bank will probably accept it, given it has the correct first name and surname on, but this has really pissed me off. I have been communicating with these people for over a year and on every occasion I have referred to myself as Dr. Nor do I ever recall disclosing my marital status as it is wholly irrelevant to the matter in hand. (I am married as it happens but my husband has a different surname.) The casual sexism really annoys me. As a middle aged woman it is assumed I must be married? And I am not entitled to the courtesy of my professional title?
I am tempted to return the cheque and insist on a new one being issued. But on the other hand, it has been such a battle to get to this point, half of me wants to just bank the money and forget about it. Given their general ineptitude to date, who knows when the new cheque will arrive.
WWYD? Send it back? Shrug it off and bank the cheque? Only complain if the cheque is refused by the bank? Bank it but send a letter complaining? Something else?

People she's a medical doctor.

People she's a medical doctor.
kind of gather that, but the "bachelors degree" comment was funny.

What a complete and utter load of scutter. Take the money and cop the fuck on.

I sort of get what you mean, and think this has been completely de-railed by the Dr thing. There was actually no need for them to include a title at all, they could have just made the cheque out to A.N.Other, or Anita Other, however they have randomly/sexistly chosen to add Mrs to the front with no evidence or requirement. It would irk me, but not enough to bother complaining. I would just rant a bit (poor DH gets my rants mostly) and move on.

I was going to say pay it in and forget about it but the number of belittling sexist posts on this thread has changed my mind. Of course it matters!

Still though, if it's taken you a year to get the money I would pay it in quick. And then complain in the most persistant and annoying way you can.

But bluerussian they don't know I am a Mrs. That is the whole point. They know I am a woman on account of my (obviously feminine) forename - they have decided that I am married all by themselves.

Dear god woman get over yourself for heavens sake

They know I am a woman on account of my (obviously feminine) forename - they have decided that I am married all by themselves.

If they're assuming you're married, they're assuming your husband is married too. Not sexist.

Today a workman came to my house and said "are you Mrs DPsName?" And I said yes because it's easier than being a dick and saying "no, we're not married, but you're at the right house." That doesn't make him sexist. That means he's assumed we are married.

How precious

Who the fuck cares? You sound way too far up your own arse!

Bloody hell!! That is all.

If you're a medical doctor who goes on to get a PhD, does that make you a Doctor Doctor

people who want that should come to Germany. I've worked with a professor with 2 doctorates and officially that's how he had to be addressed: Herr Professor Doktor Doktor…

I use to deal with a company who changed my sex from female to male on every cheque they sent me for years. It was only when one particulary keen bank cashier refused it that I asked the company to amend their records. Life's too short to get worked up about things like this.

Given the time and effort that goes into getting a doctorate (assuming it’s not honourary) then I can understand it pissing you off. And I don’t see it as a stealth boast in any way.
However, under the circumstances and because you’ve already been battling them for a year I’d be inclined to bank it and let it go. Personally, I’d be weighing up the aggro versus the result and I come down on walking away.

Yes BigGlasses I would have been perfectly happy with no title. My initial and surname. Fine. My forename and surname. Also fine.
But to ask me for my title, forename and surname and then write a cheque unilaterally is not fine. Ms would have been one thing - it is what I choose from drop down menus for titles if Dr isn't an option - but assuming I am married, and that if I am married I use the title Mrs is not ok.
Of course, it makes little difference to me. I would actually prefer it if it was a personal slight, but it isn't, it is a sign of deeply ingrained societal sexism, which is a far more troublesome thing.
I have to confess that I am surprised by the number of people who can't see that.

So, you're going to make a stand by giving them money? Have I got that right?

Who gives a toss. Youv got the cheque so stick it the bank.
What a pathetic thing to whinge about.

What else do you do to support and encourage real change in the system? Because you could have spent the amount of energy you've spent on this in forming some kind of campaign group fighting for women's rights instead.

Heck, you could fund it with your windfall.

Isn't illegal to hold yourself out as a doctor without the relevant qualifications?

You can use whatever name you wish, but I thought 'Dr' 'Professor' etc were protected titles?

Dr Squared here...PhD and PsychD...if someone was giving me money, they could call me what they liked. I get called Mrs, Ms, Miss all the time by people who I have dealings with,, and a lot worse :-)...the vet who treated my dog last week called me MrsScoobs...the car dealer I met with yesterday called me MissScoobs, despite seeing my drivers licence with my title. Any students addressing me as 'Dr' are soon told to use my first name as I think it is hilarious to assume that years of being a professional student myself and acquiring (too many) degrees means I have to insist on such formality.

Not calling you 'Dr' might have some anti-feminist agenda, but it could just be a fair guess that most of the population (male and female) don't have such a title...I suspect most people with the title of 'Dr' are too busy doing the professional job they trained hard for, and haven't got much head space for other people's perceptions or manner of address. Most medical professionals I work with do not insist on their title being used outside work, for example. Consultants are usually Mr, Miss etc anyway.

Bank your cheque, enjoy the funds...

Also, and may I be the first to say it:

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!!!

(sorry, couldn't resist)

Bank it and move on. Life’s to short.
There are people dying in the world, people battling cancer, kids in abusive homes.
This is a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things. Be glad you’ve got your money and it’s over. :)

🥱