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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague relying on me for lifts!!

272 replies

Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 18:40

Hi guys
I'm new here and haven't posted yet but need some advice for my dillema!
My work is an hours drive away and quite tricky (but not impossible) to get too via public transport. A girl started on my team September last year and asked if i could take her too and from work every now and then as she had a driving test booked in..
Fast forward nearly 6 months and she has failed three tests. She now completely relies on me for lifts and I recieve a text every evening (usually at 11pm) asking if i can bring her in. She hasn't had ANY lessons just practices with her partner.
She pays me, but not as much as I ask her for and it's usually a lump sum on pay day which amounts to less than we have agreed.
On top of this there have been two occasions where I've not been able to bring her in last minute and she has rung in sick saying she feels physically "too weak" to get the train!!!
Ive tried to speak to her about feeling pressure to get her into work but she hasn't picked up the hint. She's quite defensive and Im sure that if i say i no longer want this responsibility she will argue that I'm going that way anyway (i pass her house).
But its taking a real toll on me as this journey is my wind down time, and I do feel pressure to work my plans around her!
I'm torn between being straight with her and ending all lifts as i think even just saying two a week would become more than that. Or lying and saying that I'm moving house 😂 i rent at the moment so it's not too unbelievable. Obviously I don't feel comfortable lying, but I think i need to put my own wellbeing first and this is really getting me down.
I wouldn't mind, but she has never got public transport in and we have nothing in common to talk about (she's actually rather opinionated). And also why would you take a job you can't get too??!
Sorry rant over, it's just really getting me down. I need reassurance that I'm not being a complete b* for not wanting to do it anymore, or advice of how to get out of this situation!
Just an add on, i told her to get lessons two months ago and wait to rebook her test. As far as i know she's made no effort to find a driving instructor 😣

OP posts:

londonscalling · 13/02/2020 05:07

And don't give in to requests for one off/occasional lifts. That will be a slippery slope!

LorenzoStDubois · 13/02/2020 05:38

You're very generous.

I would only give her notice for another full week.
This will never end for you, unless YOU stop it, or you / her leaves the job.
She sounds like a cheeky biddy.

Penners99 · 13/02/2020 06:21

Well done OP!
A friend of mine started a new job, second day was told by his manager that he would be giving lifts to and from work to this long time employee. This would add about 10 mile to a 15 mile commute. No talk of payment made.
Next morning friend turned at at pickup point on his 125cc motorbike with L plates. Asked of colleague if they had full bike licence (No). Drove off and went to work.
Was a few words has at work, but he was never asked how he got to work!

StiffUpperQuip · 13/02/2020 07:32

@Penners99 that's genius!. I'm so glad the new employee didn't allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

Surely providing transport to other staff members on the order of bosses would make it part of your job and would therefore require a more expensive business insurance and the driver should be claiming mileage (which is around 45p a mile so an hour long drive is at the very least 30 miles aka £27) plus two hours of extra billable working time?
OP, if your manager tried to coerce you back to transporting their staff member to and from work, thank them for the kind offer of a pay rise and company car but you're not interested in the increased working hours so will have to decline..

EvaHarknessRose · 13/02/2020 07:45

Resist giving explanations to her or manager just keep saying 'it wasn't working out for me' and DO NOT get involved or show any interest in conversations about her travel arrangements. Rise above.

Insideimsprinting · 13/02/2020 08:03

Classic example of giving an inch and them taking a mile.

Sometimes the only way to stop cf behaviour is the blunt approach, go and rip off her plaster!!!!! One swift move should do it. If she is brazen enough to take the piss be the same back.

dottiedodah · 13/02/2020 08:10

Look its your car and your time ,she is encroaching upon (not "sharing")!Whether you pass her house or not isnt the point is it? Tell her you cant take her and thats that .Just be truthful and say you need an hour to yourself on the journey ,and its your "downtime". If she doesnt like it its tough !

Mummyzzz044 · 13/02/2020 08:12

I totally get where you are coming from!!
I used to give this lad a lift to work. Never paid me. Going the same way, sometimes he wouldnt even come to the car and i would end up leaving without him. Never apologised

Still carried on taking him because I didnt want to fall out with his sister who I was friends with.

Butterymuffin · 13/02/2020 08:42

Yes, bet she will text on the Sunday night after her week off asking 'as a one off'. Just say no!

amusedbush · 13/02/2020 09:08

Can we start taking bets? Put me down for a text at 10:53pm on Sunday 23rd asking for lifts until payday because she can't afford a train ticket.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 13/02/2020 09:15

I would hate this...it becomes very restrictive....I often stop on my way home from work to do my food shop or some other errand...how can you do that if you have got to drive someone else home every day....sod that !!!

PepsiLola · 13/02/2020 09:29

I'd make a point of telling your managers today, in case she pulls a sickie on the Monday

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2020 09:39

I felt that if anything the reaction would be guilt trip, play nicey nicey but make me feel bad

Thing is she can still engineer that - with the manager, who'd clearly prefer you to roll over so the whole thing goes away

Which is why I suggested effectively "getting in first", with an explanation-free remark that things have changed and you won't be doing it any more

alliwantisabitofpeace · 13/02/2020 10:04

Glad you got it sorted.. I would just check that you are insured correctly to be driving colleagues to and from work.

olympicsrock · 13/02/2020 10:24

Well done!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/02/2020 10:35

Can we start taking bets? Put me down for a text at 10:53pm on Sunday 23rd asking for lifts until payday because she can't afford a train ticket.

7.08 on Monday 24th - the bus hasn't turned up to get her to the station.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/02/2020 10:51

I have a feeling that she will 'report' you to your manager

Hmm, does her name begin with 'B' and is her professional wardrobe of choice a fluffy fuchsia dressing gown? You really can't win, can you?

If you have two cars: reported!
If you have one car, but don't let somebody use you and it as their own personal 'pay what you like' taxi: reported!

I'm going with got her bike out of the shed for an early start to the railway station and buckled her wheel in a pothole right outside her house, which she can't afford to replace until after pay day. Oh, and she also sprained her ankle, so she'll just need a lift for another month or two.

She didn't argue with what you told her, as she sees it of no weight or import anyway and your feelings won't affect her at all. She doesn't care if she has to do it on contract (assumed regular) basis or pay-as-you-go (texting with a sob story to ask for a one-off favour - every single evening) - as long as she gets what she wants.

FilledSoda · 13/02/2020 11:11

Just checking in to see what tactic she comes up with

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/02/2020 11:36

Hmm, does her name begin with 'B' and is her professional wardrobe of choice a fluffy fuchsia dressing gown? You really can't win, can you?

Excellent!

I'll bet she can't park for toffee, either.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/02/2020 11:42

I'll bet she can't park for toffee, either.

Do we actually know that B has ever passed a test? Her parking demonstrations would suggest possibly not!

Little grey cells are now working hard, all of the pieces of the jigsaw starting to fit together.

WhenPushComesToShove · 13/02/2020 11:46

Following to see if she texts on the Sunday evening 😂

RedPanda2 · 13/02/2020 11:46

Do you get on? I loved car sharing with a colleague, we could offload the day and get support and have a laugh. It helped that she was an amazing person though.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/02/2020 11:49

Okay, since we're running a book on this, here's my fiver's worth:

Manager is visited by the CF and then calls OP in to delivers a smiley-smiley "now what's all this nonsense about? You know I don't like friction between my staff - what are you both going to do to resolve it?"

With the emphasis on what OP will do of course ...

RedPanda2 · 13/02/2020 11:51

Apologies, just read the full thread..well done OP

CruCru · 13/02/2020 11:51

Out of nosiness, what does she do when you’re on annual leave? Or if you are sick?

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