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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague relying on me for lifts!!

272 replies

Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 18:40

Hi guys
I'm new here and haven't posted yet but need some advice for my dillema!
My work is an hours drive away and quite tricky (but not impossible) to get too via public transport. A girl started on my team September last year and asked if i could take her too and from work every now and then as she had a driving test booked in..
Fast forward nearly 6 months and she has failed three tests. She now completely relies on me for lifts and I recieve a text every evening (usually at 11pm) asking if i can bring her in. She hasn't had ANY lessons just practices with her partner.
She pays me, but not as much as I ask her for and it's usually a lump sum on pay day which amounts to less than we have agreed.
On top of this there have been two occasions where I've not been able to bring her in last minute and she has rung in sick saying she feels physically "too weak" to get the train!!!
Ive tried to speak to her about feeling pressure to get her into work but she hasn't picked up the hint. She's quite defensive and Im sure that if i say i no longer want this responsibility she will argue that I'm going that way anyway (i pass her house).
But its taking a real toll on me as this journey is my wind down time, and I do feel pressure to work my plans around her!
I'm torn between being straight with her and ending all lifts as i think even just saying two a week would become more than that. Or lying and saying that I'm moving house 😂 i rent at the moment so it's not too unbelievable. Obviously I don't feel comfortable lying, but I think i need to put my own wellbeing first and this is really getting me down.
I wouldn't mind, but she has never got public transport in and we have nothing in common to talk about (she's actually rather opinionated). And also why would you take a job you can't get too??!
Sorry rant over, it's just really getting me down. I need reassurance that I'm not being a complete b* for not wanting to do it anymore, or advice of how to get out of this situation!
Just an add on, i told her to get lessons two months ago and wait to rebook her test. As far as i know she's made no effort to find a driving instructor 😣

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 18/02/2020 20:18

Still no texts from her?

HarryElephante · 19/02/2020 04:44

And the community spirit dies a little more.

overnightangel · 19/02/2020 05:03

I will keep you posted on the 23rd for any "i have no other way to get to work" messages.

👀

Juliette20 · 19/02/2020 06:14

ANYONE MAKING A PROFIT So, as I suspected, common sense applies, if you just cover your costs, this will not affect your insurance.

londonscalling · 20/02/2020 15:50

My husband and I worked at the same place (and obviously live together too). One of us is happy in the morning and the other is grumpy. One likes to arrive early and the other leaves everything to the last minute and rushes around. We both found each other's way of doing things too stressful so would travel separately. Smile Despite what I've said about us both, believe it or not we are happily married. If we can't even travel into work together then why should you take a stranger?

gingerbiscuits · 20/02/2020 17:19

Be blunt - tell her it's not happening anymore & that's it! Stand firm & don't let her bully you. It's not your responsibility to get this lazy, cheeky bitch into work every single day. She's massively taking the piss. She needs to get off her ass & sort out her driving situation &/or investigate public transport. You've been a saint/bit of a doormat for letting her get away with this behaviour for so long. Don't bother making excuses - just be honest & don't feel at all guilty about it!!

Hellbentwellwent · 22/02/2020 08:46

HS she been in contact about Monday morning yet op @Sarbr3

Nquartz · 23/02/2020 09:24

Just checking in for the last minute frantic requests for a lift tomorrow as her alternative lift mug 'fell through'

redwinefine · 23/02/2020 16:52

YABU if you expect her to change. Tell her it doesn't work for you. End of.

Original poster
Sarbr3 · 23/02/2020 19:36

Just to update you all, she's back from AL tomorrow and no word as of yet. The other girl has already had her on her case from the day I said I couldn't any more. She "pre paid" her £20 for lifts!! Funny how she can stick her hands in her pocket before pay day when it suits..
Any how that girl is off this week so she will have no choice but to (for the first time) get public transport into work 😮 I've warned that girl who was already very aware of what she was like and she's completely understanding of why I've cut her off. She plans to do the same very soon! Will keep you updated but nothing as of yet..

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 23/02/2020 19:42

Whatever way she messages you (assuming she does) just don't open is so she'll know it's unread. If you do open it, either ignore it or just say 'as I told you, I am no longer giving lifts' and ignore any further messages.

MelAndShoe · 23/02/2020 19:56

Well done op. Be prepared for massive guilt tripping tomo

FraglesRock · 23/02/2020 20:12

Desperately waiting for a train strike tomorrow...

Lillyringlet · 24/02/2020 12:16

Wow... It will be interesting when she gets cut off from the other girl too...

FraglesRock · 26/02/2020 22:46

How it gone so far op

MadeForThis · 27/02/2020 10:21

Any contact? Has she spoken to you at work?

Butterymuffin · 27/02/2020 10:29

She must have got some other mug to drive her in.

Longwhiskers14 · 01/03/2020 11:22

How have things been at work, OP?

tiggerkid · 01/03/2020 11:42

I recieve a text every evening (usually at 11pm) asking if i can bring her in

If you are one of those people, who don't feel comfortable saying "no", try not responding to 11 pm texts and go in to work as normal by yourself. If she asks you about it, tell her you've not seen the text or it was too late by the time you got to it. Then on the way back, tell her you are meeting a friend or going somewhere else and can't take her back. She should, hopefully, start getting the message after 2-3 times.

But, as suggested earlier, generally it would be better if you just told her upfront that you've done your best to assist but can't keep doing it.

tiggerkid · 01/03/2020 11:53

You have to pass her house to get to work anyway, she gives you a bit of money towards the petrol, and you are doing your bit for the environment by car sharing. Unpopular opinion but I think YABU

If only the world was as black and white as you describe it, everything would have been so simple to resolve! But, unfortunately, the world has more than fifty shades of gray! Here are some that the OP mentioned in her original post:

  • the journey to and from work is the OP's personal wind down time
  • she has 0 in common with this colleague and nothing to talk about
  • the few times she's not been able to give the expected lift, the said colleague phoned in sick, thereby putting pressure on the OP to keep giving her lifts
  • the colleagues does pay her but LESS than the agreed amount

These reasons alone are enough for her to put her own needs above the environment. She is not a bloody Greta Thunberg, The Pope or Mother Theresa! She doesn't have to sacrifice everything for the logic of the black and white world!

BumbleBeee69 · 06/03/2020 14:56

How is it all going OP? any updates on CF's lifts 🌺

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