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Original poster

Colleague relying on me for lifts!!

272 replies

Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 18:40

Hi guys
I'm new here and haven't posted yet but need some advice for my dillema!
My work is an hours drive away and quite tricky (but not impossible) to get too via public transport. A girl started on my team September last year and asked if i could take her too and from work every now and then as she had a driving test booked in..
Fast forward nearly 6 months and she has failed three tests. She now completely relies on me for lifts and I recieve a text every evening (usually at 11pm) asking if i can bring her in. She hasn't had ANY lessons just practices with her partner.
She pays me, but not as much as I ask her for and it's usually a lump sum on pay day which amounts to less than we have agreed.
On top of this there have been two occasions where I've not been able to bring her in last minute and she has rung in sick saying she feels physically "too weak" to get the train!!!
Ive tried to speak to her about feeling pressure to get her into work but she hasn't picked up the hint. She's quite defensive and Im sure that if i say i no longer want this responsibility she will argue that I'm going that way anyway (i pass her house).
But its taking a real toll on me as this journey is my wind down time, and I do feel pressure to work my plans around her!
I'm torn between being straight with her and ending all lifts as i think even just saying two a week would become more than that. Or lying and saying that I'm moving house 😂 i rent at the moment so it's not too unbelievable. Obviously I don't feel comfortable lying, but I think i need to put my own wellbeing first and this is really getting me down.
I wouldn't mind, but she has never got public transport in and we have nothing in common to talk about (she's actually rather opinionated). And also why would you take a job you can't get too??!
Sorry rant over, it's just really getting me down. I need reassurance that I'm not being a complete b* for not wanting to do it anymore, or advice of how to get out of this situation!
Just an add on, i told her to get lessons two months ago and wait to rebook her test. As far as i know she's made no effort to find a driving instructor 😣

OP posts:
Poohpooh · 14/02/2020 16:10

@DollyDaydream70 OP is stressed out and just wants to chill out in her car for the hour it takes to work. After paying for insurance, road tax, MOT, petrol, tyres etc she is entitled to this!!

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 16:17

@Poohpooh I get that. I'm merely stating what I would do in the situation. I did also state that OP is NOT being unreasonable. I just think it's nice to be nice.. and like I said, ask for a contribution in order to cover all of the things you mentioned, tax, insurance etc. I personally would never ask anyone for a life, I would rather only be reliant on myself to get from A to B. I'm just giving my opinion and my opinion is that I couldn't drive past somebody's house on my way to work and not offer them a lift if I knew them and knew I could save them the stress of public transport.

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 16:19

@Poohpooh lift not life 🙄

SoCrimeaRiver · 14/02/2020 16:22

OP, have you tipped off the likely replacement driver so she knows she's likely to get a spike in requests for lifts and can decide she needs to go to work via her weekly shop to avoid this woman always wanting a lift.

If she's only been at work 5 months, she's still on probation isn't she? Lots of sick leave for someone still on probation, that.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 14/02/2020 18:14

@DollyDaydream70 Non-drivers always say that, but when they actually do drive, they change their tune and find that their "I would do this etc" was something that they knew nothing about and were kidding themselves. Your response still shows that as a non-driver, you simply don't get it. If you do start driving, then, you will get it.

I also think the OP has been MORE than nice for 6 months. Been insulted in her car for her taste in music, insulted for her opinions, and, not been paid the agreed amount. That's what being 'nice' (otherwise known as doormat) gets her. The OP has been more than nice, and has done her bit.

Howyiz · 14/02/2020 19:50

So @DollyDaydream70 you would like your colleague to do you a huge favour but also to read your mind so you don't have to ask?? Hmm
Also did it escape your notice that the OP has asked for a contribution which the CF agreed to but the CF doesn't give her the agreed amount.

cuparfull · 14/02/2020 20:11

I know the government would like us all to car share but I never hear a whisper about how taking payment for the journey means you're entering into a hire contract like a taxi.
Anyone regularly carrying a passenger for reward should really inform their insurance company which would undoubtably result in an increased premium because of the extra liability. Any whiplash injury for instance would then involve two people rather than just one.

Graphista · 14/02/2020 20:51

@DollyDaydream70 you give non drivers a poor reputation.

You cannot possibly know what you would or wouldn't do as a driver until you are one, you don't know the reality of it.

Op has as been said MORE than helpful to this person who hasn't even shown simple good manners and gratitude.

It IS an inconvenience to drive another person even if their home is en route.

Another person in the car adds to fuel costs, wear and tear on the car and depending on the passenger can add considerable stress too.

Even with an address to pick up from en route that means allowing additional time to stop and for them to get in the car, not always quick and easy depending on location, even if the same st still means assessing traffic and finding a parking place, then getting back into the stream of traffic (again not always easy) and if (as I suspect is likely with this passenger) they faff, run behind, forget things and have to go back etc it can be a real pain in the arse!

All things that I think many cf passengers fail to consider when bemoaning "well its easy for a driver to pick up on the way"

Why do you think taxis are the most expensive public transport?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2020 21:09

I just think it's nice to be nice..

Oh here we go Hmm

You know what’s nice? Making someone’s lunch for them. Maybe your colleague would like you to make her lunch every day and hasn’t asked you. Are you going to offer to do it for her Dolly?

Poohpooh · 14/02/2020 21:21

I just think it's nice to be nice..

I hate this with a passion too. It's too try hard.

Jimineycricket · 14/02/2020 21:22

I used to work with someone very similar to this. She was younger than me (19) and did pass her test but basically didn’t want to pay her petrol driving to work. I used to drive her frequently and when it was her turn she’d be ill/car broken down etc etc. I always ended up picking her up and often got to hers and had to wait 15-20 mins as she was “ tired” it’s a ball ache and Cf”s bank on you being to nice to call them out on it.

SallyLovesCheese · 14/02/2020 21:33

Yes, it's "nice to be nice" but really, having someone else in your car for two hours a day who is neither your best friend or family (although even those would grate after a while!)? The occasional lift is nice, but 600 minutes a week in a car with someone you kind of know is surely a chore?! I could understand being nice if it was, maybe, 10 minutes each way, but 6x that is ridiculous!

There is someone at work I sometimes give a lift to. She lives in my village and gets the bus. There's only one day we're both at work together but she never expects I'll be able to give her a lift. If I don't have a meeting I'll offer and she's always grateful. She doesn't offer payment but if she did I'd refuse, as it's only round the corner from mine.

Minionbums · 14/02/2020 21:43

Sorry if I’ve missed this, but I can’t see how far out of your way you have to go to pick her up and drop her off?

GiantKitten · 14/02/2020 22:32

That’s not relevant, Minionbums

Motoko · 14/02/2020 22:32

It really doesn't matter. She could live next door, but that doesn't mean OP should be obligated to drive her colleague.

Drum2018 · 14/02/2020 22:46

She's quite defensive and Im sure that if i say i no longer want this responsibility she will argue that I'm going that way anyway (i pass her house).

@Minionbums did you read the op? It's irrelevant anyway as op does not want to give her a lift and that's reason enough to have told her she won't be doing it anymore.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/02/2020 23:29

Imagine if both you and a colleague, with whom you have nothing in common and who constantly criticises your interests and mouths objectionable opinions all the time, lived in houses either side of the place where you both work - literally 20 seconds from your house door to the office door.

If the colleague then told you that she didn't like to be on her own and/or pay for lighting and heating of her home for an hour before work and an hour afterwards, so of course you wouldn't object if she came and sat with you for those two hours, would you? Drinking your tea, eating your cereal, moaning about how you're getting yourself ready for the day, what you're listening to or watching as you do, never mind the fact that she never offers any contribution towards the food and drink.

Who would object to that, eh? After all, It's no trouble for you as you're both in virtually the same place and getting ready to head to the same building.

Would THAT be acceptable to the people saying "Oh be nice, you're going to the same place anyway" ?

Same principle, just a slightly different location.

AlexaAmbidextra · 15/02/2020 12:40

I wouldn’t give anyone a regular lift. I love my alone time in the car. If that makes me ‘not nice’ then fuck it.

Nicklebox · 15/02/2020 15:02

I agree with OP do not give in to her. She is not your problem

Cloudyapples · 15/02/2020 15:14

Op you need to warn the other girl she might ask! As otherwise she could get sucked in to this too. Give her a heads up so she can prep her excuse!

girlywhirly · 15/02/2020 15:35

I wonder how many sick days she has taken in the last 6 months that weren’t genuine illness, but not wanting to find alternative ways of getting to work. Maybe the supervisor could have a word along the lines of a 6 month interim assessment, to find out how she is getting along with the job, is she happy, as she seems to have had a lot of days off sick.

It isn’t in the company’s best interest if she is skiving and not doing what she is paid to do, and she could be looking at a disciplinary meeting if she isn’t careful.

billy1966 · 15/02/2020 16:27

CF's like this do not make good friends so why would you bother your arse a accommodating them.
They use people.
If they are called out on it, they get stroppy and nasty and then ignore you.
They have a script.
Once you know it, you can spot them and avoid them.

Basic rule.....anyone who asks you to do anything that puts you out without being extremely apologetic and appreciative of the first time you do something for them is a potential CF.

Back away.

ittooshallpass · 15/02/2020 16:57

Just setting my alarm for Sunday...

girlywhirly · 15/02/2020 17:15

Just saw that it’s a 15min walk to the station! Bloody hell, I used to walk 35mins each way to work at 6mo pregnant, in all weathers. Seriously though, someone needs to spell out to her that soon she will have no one else to scrounge lifts from, and if she won’t shift her lazy entitled backside by foot and train, she could lose her job.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 16/02/2020 10:30

@ittooshallpass OP said the CF has this next week off.

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