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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague relying on me for lifts!!

272 replies

Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 18:40

Hi guys
I'm new here and haven't posted yet but need some advice for my dillema!
My work is an hours drive away and quite tricky (but not impossible) to get too via public transport. A girl started on my team September last year and asked if i could take her too and from work every now and then as she had a driving test booked in..
Fast forward nearly 6 months and she has failed three tests. She now completely relies on me for lifts and I recieve a text every evening (usually at 11pm) asking if i can bring her in. She hasn't had ANY lessons just practices with her partner.
She pays me, but not as much as I ask her for and it's usually a lump sum on pay day which amounts to less than we have agreed.
On top of this there have been two occasions where I've not been able to bring her in last minute and she has rung in sick saying she feels physically "too weak" to get the train!!!
Ive tried to speak to her about feeling pressure to get her into work but she hasn't picked up the hint. She's quite defensive and Im sure that if i say i no longer want this responsibility she will argue that I'm going that way anyway (i pass her house).
But its taking a real toll on me as this journey is my wind down time, and I do feel pressure to work my plans around her!
I'm torn between being straight with her and ending all lifts as i think even just saying two a week would become more than that. Or lying and saying that I'm moving house 😂 i rent at the moment so it's not too unbelievable. Obviously I don't feel comfortable lying, but I think i need to put my own wellbeing first and this is really getting me down.
I wouldn't mind, but she has never got public transport in and we have nothing in common to talk about (she's actually rather opinionated). And also why would you take a job you can't get too??!
Sorry rant over, it's just really getting me down. I need reassurance that I'm not being a complete b* for not wanting to do it anymore, or advice of how to get out of this situation!
Just an add on, i told her to get lessons two months ago and wait to rebook her test. As far as i know she's made no effort to find a driving instructor 😣

OP posts:
JRUIN · 12/02/2020 19:44

@JRUIN well then, she can use public transport instead.

Well yes she's going to have to now isn't she? Because God forbid someone should do something to help another person out especially if, horror of horrors, they might have to speak to the person!

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/02/2020 19:47

What would she do if you got a different job?

Wanteddownunder · 12/02/2020 19:48

Situations like this is where not giving a fuck really comes into play. Cf like this rely on you not wanting any awkwardness and keeping the peace.

dustibooks · 12/02/2020 19:49

I agree with other pp - talk to your manager and explain that it was only supposed to be a very short-term arrangement and you wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place if you had known it would go on for so long. Also mention that she isn't paying you what was agreed.

It's her responsibility to get herself to and from work.

Time for some determination from you, I think. Tell her that after this week, you won't be able to give her lifts any more (And if she asks why, then "I don't want to" is a perfectly good reason). She will then have her week off to figure out bus/train/walking routes, won't she?

StoneofDestiny · 12/02/2020 19:49

my routines have changed. I can no longer give you lifts to and from work on any day

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/02/2020 19:49

With the best will in the world I wouldn't bring the money into it either, whether that comes from the CF or if the manager suggests some sort of payment to make their own life easier

Money has a horrible way of creating obligations - even entitlements - and I'd have thought you'd want to avoid both

JillAmanda · 12/02/2020 19:52

Omg just get her told!

comingintomyown · 12/02/2020 19:53

It won’t be any different in a month you are putting off the inevitable and will just have to steel yourself all over again to see through in a month and dread doing so.
If you’ve done it for six months you have nothing to feel bad about

Hellbentwellwent · 12/02/2020 19:54

Ugh, did you say it’s an hours drive??? So essentially if you don’t really get on with her you’re doing two extra hours of work unpaid a day!! Fuck that noise, think of all the bliss time you could be having listening to audiobooks or catching up on daily affairs on the radio. You’re spending 10 hours a week with this woman you don’t even like and all you’re getting in return is the ongoing burden of her continued expectations and guilt tripping. Nope, cut the CFer loose.

comingintomyown · 12/02/2020 19:54

I wouldn’t use the word sorry at any point or involve money or your work this has nothing to do with them

Original poster
Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 19:55

Thank you everyone i have finally grown a backbone and said its not going to work from me from the day she's back from annual leave 😮 hardest thing I've done being such a walkover but like you've all said I owe her no explanation or anything else as I've done more than enough for her already and she has fully took advantage! I'll keep you all posted on the outcome

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/02/2020 19:55

I honestly feel responsible, my manager knows about my issues with the arrangement but would rather have an employee that can get to work
Then the manager can start giving her a lift.

Jeeze, the manager's feelings do not enter into this AT ALL.

saraclara · 12/02/2020 19:55

Oooh...well done OP!

JillAmanda · 12/02/2020 19:56

Well done!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/02/2020 19:56

God forbid someone should do something to help another person

I'm not sure if you've noticed, JRUIN, but OP has been "doing something to help" - nearly every work day for 5 months in fact, and this for something which was only supposed to happen "every now and then"

comingintomyown · 12/02/2020 19:57

Ok well just don’t get drawn into any kind of further discussion with anyone whatever you do

Ilovethewild · 12/02/2020 20:00

Well done op 😁

messolini9 · 12/02/2020 20:02

I honestly feel responsible, my manager knows about my issues with the arrangement but would rather have an employee that can get to work

Maybe your manager can take over as LiftWallah then.

She CAN get to work.
She just doesn't want to.
She doesn't like using public transport & makes her b/f drive an hour out of his way when OP isn't available.
Why did she decide to take a job where the commute would leave her "too weak" to work, needing to call in sick if OP doesn't oblige?

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/02/2020 20:02

How many other colleagues could give her a lift?

Not OPs problem.

Original poster
Sarbr3 · 12/02/2020 20:02

JRUIN just in response that this person complains about my music and argues with a lot of general conversation. Also speaks to me about work ALOT on the way home! For 6 months I have had the responsibility of taking her to work. I'm a nice person and hate the thought of putting anyone out, but I won't be walked over. And have been in her situation, having to pay for driving lessons whilst studying and working part time, and getting three buses each way to do 12 hour shifts back to back, never expecting anything from anyone! Its the sense of entitlement that gets me the most and I'm starting to lose sympathy for her situation as she's done nothing to help herself.

OP posts:
BaolFan · 12/02/2020 20:02

I wouldn't say anything to your manager - and if they bring it up, reply by saying that the arrangement was a massive burden to you and that as you aren't paid to be a taxi driver you've brought it to an end.

Now, do not waver!! You need to stiffen that spine and ignore the pathetic looks and pointed comments. If she says anything specific then reply and say "I've told you already it doesn't work for me anymore. Good luck with your driving lessons."

GoodDogBellaBoo · 12/02/2020 20:02

Tell her she first needs to pay the agreed money she owes you. After she’s paid and next time she texts late on a Sunday night, ignore the text and don’t pick her up in the morning. If she asks tell her you were asleep and did not see the text. You are not her private taxi driver. She needs to pay you.

DonnaDarko · 12/02/2020 20:04

Well done for standing up to her.

I don't drive and there's no way I would do this to a colleague.

Wanteddownunder · 12/02/2020 20:05

Well done op. Just stand firm.

TwoHeadedYellowBelliedHoleDig · 12/02/2020 20:05

You just going to have to move Grin

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