Giving money to DC but not Step DC

[Fetchit]

I was in an accident and received a small amount of compensation. I want to treat my DC to a little shopping trip to get her some things she likes.

DH thinks if I do that I need to split it three ways between our joint DD and his two other DC, my stepsons.

AIBU to not do this? It's not a huge amount and I would like to treat my daughter/have a day out with her myself. If I split it three ways there'd be no point.

I've said to DH if he wants to give my step children some money he can do so but I'd like to do this with our daughter with the money I've received.

FWIW, it really wouldn't be anything grand, just a day out doing what she enjoys and a few treats from the shops she likes. All kids are taken out regularly, have clothes bought for them, I buy my stepsons things regularly if I see something they'd like, go on family holidays every year together etc... They are not hard done to at all.

Next time OP just take your daughter on a Girls day out. You don't need permission from MumsNet or your DH.

I agree with Sparkle567. Husband - twat. Your accident, your money, your choice.

Next time OP just take your daughter on a Girls day out. You don't need permission from MumsNet or your DH

This!!

Go out just the two of you, a day when the boys aren't there. Then you can all go out asa family another day. Or your husband can bring the boys somewhere on their own (allowing you and your daughter another bonus day together )

I have 4 children (and an adult step daughter!) . Sometimes one will get something, or be brought out and the others won't. But it evens out. No child is favoured and no child is neglected.

Just go out for the day. It doesn't need discussion. Have you never gone out for the day with your daughter before? This shouldn't be any different, except now you have a bit extra cash to spend.

This seems so silly to me. Surely if you split everything equally between your Dd and Step sons your step sons are actually getting more as they get things from their DM too. For example your current £200, split equally would be £66 each. Next time their Mum has £200 to spend on them she will split it between the 2 of them (assuming no other siblings). So they get another £100 each. Your Dd has £66 your step sons £166 each. By trying to treat them equally in all thing your Dd is being treated unequally. You say you take the boys on all family holidays (I am not saying you shouldn’t), but I am guessing they also get holidays with their DM. Your Dd is getting less already in terms of holidays than her half brothers. With blended families I don’t think there can be such thing as complete equality it is much too complex. What you can do is do your best by each of your children as individuals as and when they need it. Right now your Dd needs it so take her out, have a lovely day and ignore your DH and the haters.

I have two dcs who are both mine (with same exh) and would have no problem treating one on one occasion and the other another time. In fact I do do this!

So I think you should treat your blended family children the same as that - I.e. it’s fine to treat one this time, and the others another time !

YANBU, So does his ex treat your daughter every time she buys her sons anything? they dont live with you full time so thats ok. if they did then thats different.

Thanks all for the comments! Some of these replies have gotten even more insane since I've been gone!

I'm very sorry to the pp who's friend committed suicide but that is entirely irrelevant to this situation, it is nothing alike in any way shape or form. My SSs are not treated that way, they are loved and spoilt and cared for.

Also I wish some people would stop comparing it to DH treating the boys and not DD. She is HIS daughter. Just like the boys are his sons. It is different. And as I've said over and over if one of the boys was having a hard time I'd be all for DH spoiling him like this and I'd expect my DD to understand that when her brother is sad/down he may need a little extra 1:1 attention with daddy just like she would vice versa.

They are good boys anyway, I'm sure they would not resent my DD nor me for that matter. They are concerned as well about their sister and what she's going through, they love her and are protective of her.

As other PPs have pointed out, I have no intention of doing anything on a day the boys are with us, no child has to know how much money has been involved, all it will be is DD went out with Fetch for the day. No one needs to know anything about money. It's DH who has the issue.

Because he didn’t want to offend his older kids, who were over 18

I'd be appalled if any adult DC were like this. My own included. I've not been on holiday with my parents since I was about 15 and I'd never expect them to have continued taking me into my late teens nor would I be entitled enough to be offended if they didn't. I'd be telling my DD to not be so selfish!

I can't believe people are still going on about this!

Op I hope you've taken some of the replies with a pinch of salt.

You sound well balanced and fair.

Regardless of what dd has gone through you are more than entitled to do what you choose with her and not feeling bad. My dd is very young and sd is a teenager. Thankfully it's a big enough gap that my dd won't be upset/ confused knowing her half sister has actually already had a shot load of presents Christmas Day before a second load with us. My friend has a young boy of 2 and a 6 year old step daughter and worries about this when her son starts to notice. Her dh says they should split their spending 50/50 on the kids but she says why should sd end up with double what her son has...

Not either of the kids fault at all but as parents we do what we can to make things as fair as possible.

Taking your dd out IS FAIR she is your girl to treat with this 'extra' money. If stepsons were girls or the same age etc it may be a difficult situation but please have a fantastic day with your girl and come back and tell us all it was fab! (Gotta give the moaners more to moan about lol)

Sometimes I have a treat with my dd when ds is at school, other times he and I have a treat without dd, it's the way it is with families. Yanbu,