To not make his tea or run his bath

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For over 6 months now i have been asking DP to help more around the house because he does literally NOTHING to help housework wise. He will help brush the kids teeth, bathe them and put them to bed though, he works fulltime, i dont, he thinks because he works and brings in money that it means he doesnt have to help with housework, he works 6-5

The only thing i ask for help with is if he will tidy the kitchen after tea, i doliterally everything housewise - 3 bed, dining room , front room, kitchen, 4 cats, 2 kids, - i dont think asking to do the pots is a mahor task compared to all other household tasks!

I gor upset last weekend and told him if he didnt help id stop doing things for him, he tidied the kitchen for 2 days ina row,

He Was too tired yesterday from the full sunday i made, despite all him doing was nipping to the shop and playing on his xbox!

Im not being unreasonable to stop doing things for him am i? Hes going to come home soon and hell be in a strop when he realises ive not ran him a bath and theres no tea in the oven for him,

You warned him. He knew if he didnt do it then youd stop. He agreed to this.

DO IT.

You run him a bath?
I can understand cooking his tea because you'll have cooked for yourself and the children anyway, but why on earth would you run his bath?

It's not helping, it's doing your fair share. He expects you to run him a fucking bath and then present him with a hot meal? Does he think he's married to a geisha? I really hope you are at least working, you have made yourself extremely vulnerable giving up financial independence to an unmarried partner who's a lazy sexist pig into the bargain.

Just because he works doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to do anything else in the house. I agree, don’t make his dinner or run him a bath. If he says anything then say you’re too busy doing what he is supposed to help with. He was too tired from going to the shop and playing on his x box? Lol - men are ridiculous sometimes

Well, if you cook for yourself ans the children you might as well cook for him too. But he can run his own bath!!

Making supper, fine if you’re cooking for everyone, i wouldn’t draw him a bath though. Not sure why an adult needs someone else to do that.

He works 11 hours a day (commuting on top of that) so he could genuinely be too tired to help.

How old are the children?

You run him a bath? Ffs, the 1950s called, they want you back!

Petty not to cook for him if you’re already cooking for everyone else. I wouldn’t run him a bath though, he’s a grown man.

He's not your child, and even if he was he'd be capable of helping out around the house because if you live in a home you contribute to it.

I'd be questioning the long term viability of a relationship where you have to parent the other person. I already have DC; another giant one added to the mix sounds properly shit, tbh.

hahahah run his bath. Seriously?

Petty not to cook for him if you’re already cooking for everyone else.

It absolutely is not. Petty is nothing compared to the sheer lazy shite going on from him. Let him starve til he makes his own way to the kitchen from 1942.

The hot water is really slow upstairs, we have a shower but dont use it because the hot water isnt powerful enough, it tskes about half an hour to run so nornally i run it so he can just come straight in and jump in the bath.......doesnt take me much effort so i normally do it everyday but im not doing it anymore, i feel petty that i havbt ran it but im sick of him not helping me, ive asked niceky, ive got upset, ive got mad, hes just rude

Its a lack of respect isnt it, i wouldnt keep doing - or not doing - somthing i knew someone wasnt happy about

I feel petty about tea too but to be fair, no one cooks for me. I dont have my meals made for me, i dont have my baths ran for me, i literaly look after everyone, im not asking for a lot im literally just asking for help with the kitchen ---- which is the smallest room in the house btw, literally couldnt swing a cat in there

What's wrong with running baths?

Me and my DH do it for each other all the time, if the other one's on the way home.

YANBU OP, you did warn him. If there's no consequence then he'll never need to change.

He works 11 hours a day (commuting on top of that)

Takes him 20 mins to walk to work, he could work from 8-4 but chooses to work 7-5 so even if he is tired, he does it to himself, no one is forcing him to work thosr extra hours

Kids are 5 & 2

You are daft to run his bath (unless you;re a geisha) but I do rather think you should do the housework as you are not out working.

You two ought to have a sit down and sort this issue out.

YANBU OP. Be firm, he’s taking the piss!

He's not your child, and even if he was he'd be capable of helping out around the house because if you live in a home you contribute to it.

Ive said this and ive also said if he was single everything i do he'd have to do himself!

And when you've finished running his bath, do you polish his shoes? Good for you - the worm has turned!

Personally I wouldn't run him a bath, although I see your point about the slow hot water. However, if he works 11 hours a day starting at 6am it would seem reasonable that if you are a SAHM you look after the house, kids and cook. To me a 3 bed house, with 2 kids, housework, washing and meals would be about equal. Certainly when my DP was a SAHD he did all that whilst I worked full time.

but im sick of him not helping me

He isn’t ‘helping you’ he’s contributing his share of household tasks.

Ask him how he would manage if he lived alone and had the kids every weekend?

Slightly similar situation op. My partner works full time, he is a wonderful father, he bathes them, puts them to be bed, takes them out at the weekends so I can have some time to myself which I am thankful for but he doesn’t do anything housework wise. He leaves everything lying around, doesn’t clean up after himself. He is on lates this week. I’ll clean up this evening but when he gets home I’ll probably be in bed but he’ll leave everything lying around - snacks, wrappers, drinks. Leaves his work shoes, bag and clothes scattered around the floor. When he’s on an early shift he often makes his lunch at 5.30am but doesn’t clean any of it up. There will be tea and tea bays lying around crumbs and butter lying around. I tell him I would appreciate him clearing up but he said it only takes 2 minutes so why can’t I do it?!?! The bloody cheek. If it takes 2 minutes do it yourself. Thankfully he doesn’t expect tea to be done and he does cook for us but I’m certainly not running him a bloody bath that’s for sure. So he does sound worse than mine but seriously sometimes it’s like having a third child isn’t it.

Stand your ground!

Are you a SAHP? If yes, then I think YABU.
If you work too, but less hours then I think YANBU.
I’m a SAHM and Monday to Friday I do pretty much everything. Get the kids up, get one ready for school, cook all the food, tidy, clean etc.
I make DH’s dinner and clean up after while he showers. I make his lunch for the next day. I do all the laundry, food shop and other chores.
I remember how I felt after being at work all day. He is tired. He’s out of the house 6.30 to 7 and most days doesn’t see the kids.

If you warned him, and he did it for 2 nights before giving up. Then fair enough.

He may just assume you will continue. Next time he is on the Xbox, stick the kids in with him and run yourself a bath and have a glass of wine .

It's tricky because your job is the house. I stay at home too so I do 100% childcare and the house. I never poke the bear because I don't want to go out to work. My husband does all the money I do all the house/kid.