DH and DD bathing

[disintegration]

DH and DD bath together on Sunday mornings. She is 8. He asked me yesterday when I thought that would have to end and I replied that I thought it would probably be soon, certainly this year. He was a bit upset so I suggested I post on here to find out hive mind thought (changed username as I don't want him finding my other posts!!)

So, AIBU and they can bath together for longer or AINBU and they should cut it out sooner rather than later? Should it be DD that decides when she isn't comfortable with it anymore?

My son always got in the bath with me, it stopped when he was nearing 8. I never thought anything of it at the time, most people seemed to bathe with their children. However it being a regular thing on a Sunday morning with dad seems less than spontaneous.

I would say that at 8, it should stop. It doesn't have to be a sudden drastic change but suggest to your husband that he either gets up earlier or later and has a bath on his own, things do change and your daughter will get used to it.

Of course there is no suggestion of sexual abuse but there comes a time when what has been appropriate for a child is then less so. She'll be glad to have some privacy soon enough.

@Iloveplacentas Actually nudity in a home vastly increases the risk of sexual abuse. It is not protective at all. I assume because paedophiles promote nudity in the home as part of their grooming.

Nudity comes in different forms, different intents and different contexts. An interesting article... www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/wheres-the-shame-in-a-bathtime-cuddle-1236543.html%3famp

Children as young as 8 are starting to have sex education at school so they may feel embarrassed and uncomfortable at this age. My own Father didn't do this and Beith her did my DH with his Daughters and none of have grown up to be prides and ashamed of our bodies.

PRUDES not Prides

Prunes even if you stay in the bath too long!

Op, time to stop the joint baths.

Too old. I work in a primary school, and this would be treated as a safeguarding concern.

I would wonder why he was wanting to share his bath with a kid rather than relaxing or watching TV on his phone. Either a mega dad or a weirdo. One is legal but embarrassing, the other is not OK.

FizzyIce

Why is everyone fucked up if they don't want to bath with their children? If you have made a small human you still have to think of their feelings and their childhood memories. 8 years old is not the same as a toddler.

We love communal bath time in our house and my kids are older than yours OP. You’re over thinking.

I find the some of the attitudes on this thread appalling. My DS stopped bathing with me when he was about 8 1/2, his choice. DD had already stopped at about 7, they did bathe with their Dad but only early years as he was uncomfortable, not me.

I grew up in a happy to be nude household, me and Dsis were never fussed about closed doors or nudity. DM once asked our GP about it as she wondered if everyone should cover up, his advice was that we would cover up when we felt uncomfortable, which we never did, even as late teens.

OP, it seems fine as your DD is asking to get in the bath and I think she will stop when she wants to which will probably be soon.

I get that there needs to be safegaurding but I'm sick of that word being posted about every single situation lately and it seems very very sad that normal things like bathing with your kids are being seen as sinister and wrong!

Why does an 8 year old need bathing at all? An 8 year old can wash themselves and should be encouraged to do so. Many children start puberty at 9 and need more privacy with parents helping them to assert appropriate boundaries.

@MargotB7 You know full well that wasn’t what I was saying .
It’s “fucked up” to liken a child choosing to jump in a bath with a parent to sexual abuse.

I say this as a survivor of sexual abuse and rape starting when I was a small child. This thread has sickened me. I think if you hear of a parent and child bathing together, as they do over the world, and your mind goes to sexual or inappropriate thoughts, that's your issue. It reads as though some of you are scared of having a bath with your child or them seeing you naked in case it leads to something sexual. Like you don't trust yourselves or need to safeguard your children from yourself. Why would your brain automatically go to that?! Then to call people out for things they haven't done? Saying their way is wrong when you're the one conjuring things up in your heads.

@WaterOffADucksCrack I am sorry to hear what you went through .
I absolutely agree with everything you’ve posted

Why does an 8 year old need bathing at all? maybe they like to be bathed. Maybe bath and bed time is one of the few times in the family's busy week they get to connect.

For heaven's sake!

My sister, her DP and daughter 14 and son 17 all bathe together in a hot tub. Sometimes they wear costumes and most times they don't, usually when they can't be bothered going to look for them. It is an 8 person tub, so plenty of room.

They're relaxed people.

No-one else uses the hot tub so it's not a hygiene issue.

Too old. I work in a primary school, and this would be treated as a safeguarding concern.

Really? Can you clarify please.

8 year old girl with father.
8 year old boy with father.
8 yo boy with mother.
8 yo boy with father.
Where's the line? Is it only a concern if they are actually IN the bath together?
What if the (naked) Dad gets out of the bath and the (naked) daughter hops in to use the water? Is that a SG issue?

Is it a SG issue that I might hop into the bathroom naked to help my nearly 10 year old son get shampoo out of his eyes?

Sure, if my son doesn't want me to see him naked then of course I would entirely respect that, but there's no sign of that happening at the moment.

What would possibly be inappropriate about it? Does your DH force DD into the bath and then climb in to? If the answer to that is no then I think to label it inappropriate is very sad.

I still used to climb into bed with my dad until I was about 16! Especially if we’d watched a horror film. There wasn’t anything sexual about it in the slightest, and the thought it could be construed that way is just awful.

My DD and I (she’s only 1!) have baths together often. I love that time with her. We’ll only stop when she wants to.

If a child told her teacher that her dad makes her have a bath with him, even though she doesn't want to - safeguarding issue.

If a child (without being asked to) chooses to get in the bath with her dad simply because she enjoys having that time with him - not a safeguarding issue.

It's not difficult, people.

*If a child told her teacher that her dad makes her have a bath with him, even though she doesn't want to - safeguarding issue.

If a child (without being asked to) chooses to get in the bath with her dad simply because she enjoys having that time with him - not a safeguarding issue.

It's not difficult, people.*

THIS!!!

I left this post as I was getting too angry at the frankly deranged and inflammatory postings. Wish I hadn't come back. Some of you are really sick and your posts say more about you than my DH.

@Dragonembroidery I have reported your post.

I didn't come on here to question whether my child and DH having baths together was sexual abuse.

I never said DH was really upset when I said it should probably end soon. I said a bit upset.

I have absolutely no concerns about abuse whatsoever.

I have now spoken to my daughter and asked her about baths with daddy. In her sweet 8 year old innocence she told me she loves them and when I said what about when your body starts to change agreed that she should probably end them 'when she's 18'. When I pointed out it will be a bit sooner than that she decried that she will stop them when she's 9. I will keep talking to her.

So thanks for your hysterical hand wringing twisting of what a fair few people on here think of as a normal part of family life you nut jobs.

And a massive thank for those messages of support and the same and reasoned suggestions that bows about the time to wind it up. Much appreciated.

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