FIL took his friend to my house.......

[itisaverywindyday]

AIBU to be absolutely fuming that my FIL took his mate round to my house to show him our bathroom, without asking us, without telling us until about three months later when he dropped it into conversation?
FIL - "Ooh yeah, John's bathroom looks lovely, he went with the same tiles as you, as liked how yours looked"
Me - "Oh right, has he seen them then?"
FIL - "Yeah I brought him round one day to have a look"

I am fuming!! This is not a one of occurrence of what I think is a total invasion of my/our privacy.

And as for him being in your house waiting when you're not expecting him that is not on! You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this. you have your own family, yes he is a part of it but not to barge in unannounced!? Just make it clear you are not comfortable with him turning up without notice...you may be in the shower/unwell/just generally want some space and he is stopping you from doing these things. I understand he gifted you this money and you feel you owe him.. but this can still be done when he comes round 'invited'. I could not live how you are. Honesty is best! Set boundaries, tell how it is and then everyone knows where they stand

To be honest, it’s a compliment- he obviously loves and admires your bathroom and was proud to show it off. Yes he should have asked, but I wouldn't be upset about it as no malice in it. My dad wld likely have done this, and I wish he was alive to get up to such mischief now....he was of an era where folk were a lot more relaxed and didn’t lock their doors and wld pop in unannounced. My sister used to pop in and cook smoked fish in my house as she loved it and her other half couldn’t stand the smell lol. Life’s too short to be angry over small stuff, especially with family x

@Aglet both my parents and neighbour have keys to my house, I've never once had to stipulate that they don't go into my house unless I explicitly tell them to, they just know that it's not okay to just go into someone's house when they aren't there without even letting them know.
Why are some of you finding that such a hard concept to grasp?

Just ask for the key back. I did with my MIL when she let kept letting herself into the house when I wasn't there.

Did some of you miss the part where her neighbour stated that FIL had been coming over without their knowledge repeatedly and neighbour thought she knew?

Yanbu OP. Why does he need to enter your home without your knowledge. If something came up missing because he invited himself and someone you didn’t know without your knowledge into your home, what would happen?

It is not his home. He shouldn’t be going in and out without the homeowners’ knowledge regardless who they are to him.

Reminds me of the time my now partner gave his friends a tour of my bedroom.... I came hope and there were strangers staring thoughtfully at the walls as if they were in the National Gallery... I had a lot of art up... and my dirty underwear on a chair... groan

@Wheresthetimegone same in my house with daughters and sons, i must spend half my life picking up their strewn socks and underwear 🙄

PS. it is a complete cheek but I think he was just proud

YANBU

I have an emergency set of keys for my parents house and vice versa.

We live about 40 mins apart.

Neither of us have ever used the keys apart from when politely asked to do so.

They never drop in unannounced (neither do I) and if they find themselves in the vicinity by chance will always text/call to check if it's convenient to pop in for a coffee/catch up with no pressure if it's bad timing.

I bloody love my parents (and that's why they have a key).

Fuck that shit.
9am every day if your life???
If your DH won’t take the key back then you change the locks.
Tell him you’ll meet him at lunchtime in the weekend.
Your family are right, this needs to stop.

If it were a casual visit and the friend needed to use the loo, I would say you were being U. But to bring him to show him your bathroom without asking permission was disrespectful of your privacy. I don't think it's the crime of the century, but IMO you should ask him not to do it again.

Privacy invasion. So not on.

You may have private things out in the house. Today for example I had bank statements on the coffee table (you can’t go into a bathroom in isolation), a house left in a hurry for work (dirty mug and plate in the kitchen sink) and a waterproof vibey on the bath-side .

You’re a saint for putting up with this for so long! One thing popping round to see you unannounced, another altogether when you’re not even in and early every weekend (sat AND Sun!) No more, tell him he needs to ring first, you and your fast approaching teenage kids need some privacy!
A warning th

I have exactly the same thing with my dad, what I have chosen to do is to stop changing my own behaviour, so he basically has to take us as he finds us. This takes away my stress and if he therefore wants to do more of his own thing then that's up to him but he is always welcome to fit in with us if he likes. Hooe you find a solution that suits you op.

Sorry posted too soon!
A warning to anyone thinking there’s such a thing as a free lunch!

Not ok, had a similar prob, so we put a lockable chain on the door, that you put on from the outside, then no one gets upset about keys taken back, he cannot access whilst you aren't there, and if it's mentioned it just extra security and you'll "Get round" to getting a key cut for him soon.

Wouldn't bother me but would tell him next time to ask first

My SIL regularly turns up at my house with my DN’s when my MIL looks after my kids. Never asks if it’s ok.

That's an entirely different situation. If your MIL is looking after your kids for you, she's entitled to have visitors should she want to. And presumably you've already made sure that you've put any potentially embarrassing items away, because your MIL's round.

Consider installing a ring doorbell if your not going to ask for the key back.

Although I'd definitely be asking for it back, I'd feel like it was an invasion of privacy!, what if you'd left underwear on the bathroom floor and fil just pops round with his mate!.

Family having an emergency key is a good idea and has saved us in the past with MIL having one, but she'd never abuse it.

It's just weird he likes to hang round yours...

To be honest, I really don't think it wouls bother me that much. But dramatic for folk to suggest you demand your key back 😂

MN is really odd about pants.

So what if FiL witnesses some underwear lying around? - his own problem, innit, for intruding. It's frankly the last thing that would concern me - I'd be too irate with the WTactualF are you doing in my personal space without my say-so you daft old sod?

I had that once my mil came in and did the washing up and when I can back it was still on the side.. I did not react and she didn’t do it again, but fine other things over the years, don’t let him get you down as you will end up the bad one out of it..👍

To be honest, I really don't think it wouls bother me that much.

Excellent. @MadamShazam.
Can you arrange with OP that you'll take the old busybody off her hands? He turns up without fail at 9am every saturday & sunday, & if you don't let him in immediately, he'll hang around outside your patio door until you notice him.

Which is odd, as he has a key, & isn't shy about using it so long as OP is out.

Can't tell you how frequently he'll be popping in, for no reason at all, with or without random strangers, when you are not at home to receive him, but sure your NDN will keep you posted.

Have fun!

Sorry typos “Done other things” don’t expect DH to stand up for you, it only makes you more anxious and makes you go nuts... 😄

Get a door chain for the front door andput it on when you go out by the back door