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Original poster

10.45pm pickup for 9yo’s birthday party?!

187 replies

Nitpickpicnic · 09/02/2020 21:03

Got an invitation through from school today. Says drop-off 5pm, pickup 10.45pm!

Admittedly the birthday girl is turning 10, but she’s the oldest in the class by many months (held back). Everyone else is just 9. It’s a Saturday night, party at the girl’s home.

I thought I had a few more years until I had to stay up past my own bedtime to drive my DD home from socialising! She’ll certainly be a write-off the whole next day. Would you find this a bit annoying and inappropriate, or is it perfectly normal in your circle?

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 13/02/2020 06:53

Wow, that's one of the more mean spirited things I've read on here for a while. You all sound incredibly precious about Valentine's Day, are you sure you're old enough to have 9 year olds?

I'm all for not sacrificing oneself at the alter of parenting but picking all those kids up earlier is just plain spiteful, given you have 4 drop offs to make your DD won't be home til 10.45 anyway surely??

Well done on proving your point at the expense of a little girl's birthday plan, at least you can still make church in the morning to ask forgiveness Hmm

alittleprivacy · 13/02/2020 07:08

You really are being so fucking spiteful to a child on her birthday. But sure Jesus will be proud of you when you for ruining a child’s party in order to piously make it to church at 9.

Weallfloatdownhere · 13/02/2020 07:23

Poor birthday girl 😕 half her party bailing early just so you can make some sort of point. Hope you’re feeling jolly pleased with yourself 🙄

Stompythedinosaur · 13/02/2020 07:34

I think you are being a bit mean tbh. Taking half the kids away early will have a big effect on the party. You clearly disapprove of the party timings, but that doesn't mean you should dictate that they are changed to a time you consider more appropriate.

How would your dd feel if a parent decided to pick up that number of kids part way through a party with little warning?

Makinglists · 13/02/2020 07:40

One off on a sat with nothing to get up for next day fine with me. Ds whose 9 went with us to a party on a sat (our friends but lots of kids) and didn't get home till just after midnight he survived. Just tell her it will be very early bed on Sunday say 7pm.

DarkMutterings · 13/02/2020 07:45

Wow, What a mean thing to do. Couldn't you have called the mum and discuss it like an adult? Gossiping with the other parents and then insisting you pick up half the kids early is all very 'mean girls'
Do you even know what the plans are? A specific time like 10.45 for me would suggest there is a specific plan that requires an end time then. From what I can see you didn't even check before you decided to call it short.

Makinglists · 13/02/2020 07:48

Forgot to add if she does brownies/cubs etc and does a residential she will prob be up past this time (the leaders will have sent them to bed but you can bet they will be still awake) - I speak from bleary eyed experience of sending giggling/midnight feasting kids back to bed. They survive and keep going next day on an active programme - prob crash around teatime but that's fair enough. Let her go fab experience that she will remember for a long time.

DarkMutterings · 13/02/2020 07:51

Sorry reading back... ^The parents are starting to concern me (and others) that they operate under fairly unique family protocols! For info, they belong to the predominant culture.
^
Are you - and your friends - of the predominant culture? Is the predominant culture to have later nights? Why do I get the image of cluster of expat mums making cat bum mouths at the local way of doing things differently and some poor 9 year old girl trying to break into that friendship group and having her party messed around with as a result

expatinspain · 13/02/2020 07:54

justascratch I was going to ask the same thing! School parties here finish at 1am 😂. Even birthday parties on a Sunday evening usually finish around 9.30pm. Even on a normal night most people eat dinner at 9pm. It was certainly a culture shock when I first got here, but it's totally normal now. Kids here don't seem to be affected by the later nights at the weekends, but they do tend to sleep in late the next day, as their body clocks are used to it.

expatinspain · 13/02/2020 07:58

Ah, I missed that you aren't in the UK OP. Where are you? If it the cultural norm, then you are being unreasonable.

gracielooloo · 13/02/2020 08:00

Oh for gods sake! DD turned 10 the end of last year, she had 3 friends for a sleepover (the fourth came the next day as she’s not allowed to do sleepovers) and they were up till about 3am.
I just left them to it, I explained to the parents the next day and they were fine.
DD has also gone to theirs and think they were even later asleep.
It’s a one off for goodness sake.

CanIHaveATiaraPlease · 13/02/2020 08:14

Good luck when your dd is a teen. I can’t remember the last time dh & I had a glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night as we are usually ferrying dcs around to parties. (We live further away than the others in friendship groups).

I also don’t see the issue with a 10.45 pick up & I think a bit mean to upset the birthday girl especially as it’s normal in her culture.

WhiteBadger · 13/02/2020 08:17

So your daughter and her friends evening is spoiled so you can have a drink!!!

What does that tell you about yourself?

But hey ho you're going to your religious ceremony the next day, so that makes you a great person!

Itwasntme1 · 13/02/2020 08:32

I don’t think I would have taken this stance and potentially upset the birthday girl and her plans over 45 minutes.

I agree you do sound a little judgemental and pious.

Nine year olds occassionally have late Nights, and surely if no parent could cope without a glass of wine on a Saturday night they could arrange taxis? I enjoy a glass of wine on a Saturday night, but I have never gotten this upset about missing it😂😂😂

You seem to live in a strange world OP.

LizzieSiddal · 13/02/2020 08:33

God I hated sleepovers. Children always useless the next day and good for nothing. If I had something important to do the next day there’s no way I’d allowed Dds to attend a sleepover.

Itwasntme1 · 13/02/2020 08:39

I allso suspect the other parents Didn’t care that much.

I think you need to tread carefully with this kind of response. Little girl was having a party, Katie’s mum didn’t approach to made five girls leave early.

You might find invites drying up for little Katie. Kids if this age might well know it was you who spoke to all the parents.

Scarlettpixie · 13/02/2020 08:59

Wow how miserable are you. Way to ruin the party 🙄

I think it was a great compromise on the part of this family to avoid having a sleepover where everyone would inevitably be awake much later.

What is this obsession with valentines anyway? Most of the parents I know don’t do much for it (we have a nice family dinner) but you (and the other parents) basically had a free baby sitter until 10.45. Would it kill one parent to not drink during their valentines meal?

As for Sunday plans.. skip church for a one off and let her sleep in. She will be fine then.

bonbonours · 13/02/2020 09:11

Another one here who thinks you're making a big deal of nothing. If your Sunday plans were going for a long family hike with a large group of people, or something expensive and impossible to cancel then you might have a point. It will be fine. And I'm amazed at how many people begrudge their glass of wine to go and pick their child up. Get a grip. I spend most of my evenings ferrying my kids places, even their regular activities finish at 9.00 or 9.30. 10.45 for a one-off is fine.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/02/2020 18:52

You are unbelievably rude OP.

Either accept the invitation as offered or don't go.

And as for stirring it up with other parents, just horrible.

"I’m ok with the hosts getting the message that 5-10.45pm is just too long and too late at this age." That's a matter of opinion.

twosoups1972 · 13/02/2020 19:03

Wow, what a lot of melodrama!

'spoilt the little girl's party'?? She's having a 5 hour party for goodness sake! Plenty time enough to watch a film, have food and do whatever else they want to do.

It sounds like most of the other parents think it's a bit late too, surely 10pm is a good compromise?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/02/2020 19:16

I agree that it is a long party.

But in this situation you either go, or don't.

Not ask the hosts to change it because you're a judgy killjoy you cba to be flexible with your plans- you'd prefer it to be a different party

twosoups1972 · 13/02/2020 19:33

But in this situation you either go, or don't

Why? I've hosted many parties over the years and sometimes guests need to be picked up a bit early for whatever reason. My dds would prefer their friends to come for most of it rather than not at all!

oblada · 13/02/2020 19:37

I agree with most. If you don't agree with the timings don't go, don't just change them.
Seems odd that your 9yrs old is so difficult to handle after a late night. So no going to the theatre/opera/musical/panto?? I go occasionally to those with my older 2 (6yrs old and 8.5yrs old) and they are fine and shows tend to finish around 10pm onwards. I go more with my 8.5yrs old of course as she enjoys it more.
Your Sunday plans do not sound much like plans, more like a different version of a chilled out Sunday, can't see why anything needs to be cancelled.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/02/2020 19:39

Nah, @twosoups in this case it's intentionally rude and is meant to "send a message" to the hosts.

BackforGood · 13/02/2020 23:49

That really i an odd thing to do.
If you aren't happy with it - say she can't go.
Don't take most of the guests away early. Why would you do that ? Confused
am another who is Hmm that all these parents "need" for a drink over rides being able to collect their dc from something that is fun for them.

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