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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10.45pm pickup for 9yo’s birthday party?!

187 replies

Nitpickpicnic · 09/02/2020 21:03

Got an invitation through from school today. Says drop-off 5pm, pickup 10.45pm!

Admittedly the birthday girl is turning 10, but she’s the oldest in the class by many months (held back). Everyone else is just 9. It’s a Saturday night, party at the girl’s home.

I thought I had a few more years until I had to stay up past my own bedtime to drive my DD home from socialising! She’ll certainly be a write-off the whole next day. Would you find this a bit annoying and inappropriate, or is it perfectly normal in your circle?

OP posts:
leccybill · 11/02/2020 00:37

My 9 year old (almost 10) stayed up til 11pm last weekend for a family do and was a bit grotty and irritable the next day but we got on with Sunday things inc homework and visiting and it was fine.

FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 11/02/2020 01:35

*Would skip religious service at 9am and she probably wont want to go out cycling. Batch cooking can be done without her and expecting her to pull it together while visiting elderly relatives is not unreasonable. Valentines plans could easily go ahead and collect her at 10.45.

You are being a martyr. Let her go and make it work. Or decide it is too much effort.*

  • 1
Bluerussian · 11/02/2020 02:28

I don't get why the usual Sunday activities cannot be skipped on one occasion. It won't be that long before your daughter will be doing her own thing at weekends anyway but for now, it seems a bit regimented/legalistic to have a set routine. The sky won't fall down if you do something different.

SnowsInWater · 11/02/2020 02:32

Gosh that is late. DD just had a 17th birthday party at home, it was held 6.30-10.30 which is the norm in her friendship group. We are in Aus though so social norms for kids and teenagers are thankfully very different to the UK.

Itwasntme1 · 11/02/2020 19:07

@SnowsInWater I am intrigued by your response. I was by no means a wild teen, but a house party ending at 10:30 when I was seventeen would have been odd.

Do you think your daughters social group is typical of Austrialian teens? At her age surely most of them are driving, and are a few short months away from going to uni? While teen parties of course don’t have to involve booze, at her age even a night in with a food takeaway and a movie would have ended around midnight?

Are social norms really that different? Is uni not a huge shock for these kids?

RedRed9 · 11/02/2020 19:26

Another one who thinks a house party ending at 10:30pm is waaaaayyyy early for teenage me.

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 19:29

We are in Aus though so social norms for kids and teenagers are thankfully very different to the UK

In what way? I know a few Australians (including my brother in law) and they certainly seem like they were just as up for staying up drinking all night when they were younger as British teens are! If not more so! I always had the impression our cultures in that respect were highly similar.

DiegoSaber · 11/02/2020 19:31

When I was 17 basically everyone in our year would be out on a friday and saturday night at the local bars that don't ask for ID. Going home at 10.30pm would have been highly unusual.

SnowsInWater · 12/02/2020 11:10

@Itwasntme1 DD has just started Y11 so Uni is still two years away. They will start driving in the next year which changes things of course but there are very strict rules about P platers taking passengers after 11pm and of course there is zero limit for alcohol so lots of kids are still relying on parent pick up which is where the early finish comes in. DD is the youngest of three, her siblings are 5 and 10 years older so this is normal for us 😊

Itwasntme1 · 12/02/2020 19:24

@SnowsInWater thanks. While I am sure this is typical for your family, I am still puzzled this is the norm for Australian teens. When I was in Sydney there was a pretty wild social scene. Granted this was many years ago.

are you in a small town (though they are usually wilder with bored teens) I am imagining the town in footloose before Kevin bacon arrived😊. 17 is so close to adulthood, can it really be the norm that they don’t stay out passed 10:30 at the weekend?

You say your dd won’t learn to drive until she is 18. Things have really changed, I thought you could get a learners permit when you are 16 in oz😊. Although I agree it’s safer to keep teens off the road.

maddiemookins16mum · 12/02/2020 19:31

I would have thought 9.30pm was late enough BUT your DD will always remember, and I mean always, if she ends up being the only one picked up earlier than her pals. That sort of thing hurts big time when you’re 9 and girls that age can be proper bitchy with each other about it.

PassAnotherGlass · 12/02/2020 19:44

10:45 isn’t late! Mine went to sleep later than that every night at your DD’s age.

GreyishDays · 12/02/2020 20:14

Age nine! I think that’s unusual, PassAnotherGlass

leccybill · 12/02/2020 22:13

At 17, I was sneaking out to go drinking in the city nightclubs until 2am! I was in work til 10pm then straight to a mates to get our clubbing clothes on. I had a car, a job, a boyfriend and was heading for Uni. 10.30 would be exceptionally early.
Did me no harm, I'm pretty square now.

SnowsInWater · 13/02/2020 01:54

Ha ha @Itwasntme1, no we are North Shore Sydney. I think it very much depends on who you hang out with but the funny thing is that Sydney is a very “early to bed, early to rise” place so even the kids partying on the beach with plenty of booze and drugs probably have to be up early for weekend sport so late nights just aren’t a thing. Also they are really strict on licensing laws so under 18s just won’t get served in bars and clubs as the fines for the licencee are prohibitive. Fake ID was common when DS1 was a teen but less so now. You can still get your Ls at 16 but you then have to do 120 hours supervised driving before you can take your test so kids with public transport options often don’t bother rushing it. DD only has 32 hours up so far so we have a loooong way to go.

Original poster
Nitpickpicnic · 13/02/2020 02:36

Well update is that the parents of the other guest kids hadn’t realised the pickup time. Never occurred to them it’d be later than 8.30-9pm.

Now the shiz has hit the fan, as they all realise their evening plans are shot! And yes, all of us like to have a drink to relax on a Saturday night and most of us were planning ‘date nights’ with taxis due to Valentine’s Day.

I’d already shifted my plans (annoyed but resigned to it). So now it looks like I’m ferrying a few of the kids home to help out! I’ve texted the ‘party mum’ to say I’ll likely be there a bit early around 10pm to pick up x, x, x & x. Bound to be a not very popular move, but the other parents are backing me (silently from a distance) and I’m ok with the hosts getting the message that 5-10.45pm is just too long and too late at this age.

Maybe if there’d been more notice, I’d be more carefree about it? Or maybe my middle-aged grumpiness would have kicked in anyway! Anyhow, thanks for the opinions.

OP posts:
Russell19 · 13/02/2020 03:18

Sorry OP but bad move.

You have dictated the party girls night now. As other posters have said, what if the mum picked that time because that is when a film will be over etc? Not very fair in my opinion.

You should have agreed to 10.45 or your child not go. What does it matter about drinking/date night etc if it's a 9pm pick up or 10.45?

Supertrooper98 · 13/02/2020 04:12

You're being nasty to prove a point

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 13/02/2020 04:57

@Nitpickpicnic that was a dick move. If there are only five or six children (as I can imagine at that age) and you’re taking two thirds of them almost an hour early you’re going to ruin the poor little girls party.
It’s likely 1045 for a reason as we’ve all discussed
And the other parents are probably only backing from a distance because they want the lift. It’s one thing picking up your kid early but Picking up most of the kids and efffectively ending the party is just plain mean

isitpossibleto · 13/02/2020 05:04

Yup. Dick move.

bert3400 · 13/02/2020 05:11

It's a one off late night and yes you will ruin the birthday party by turning up early. If you don't want your Dd to stay up that late at the weekend, you should decline the invitation.

Toomanygerbils · 13/02/2020 05:21

Well glad you feel good OP, I’m sure the birthday girl and her parents will feel as happy for your smugness...or not

GreyishDays · 13/02/2020 05:46

I think that’s fine OP.

Maybe their own child just sleeps in after a late night and is fine, but many other children aren’t like that. That’s why they haven’t thought it’s a problem, but it is for most. It’s fine to not ruin your weekend because they haven’t thought it through enough. 10.45pm is too late if it’s not for a proper reason.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 13/02/2020 05:50

Honestly I think this is a much better idea than a sleepover where they get no sleep whatsoever and are subsequently pure evil the next day.

JustaScratch · 13/02/2020 06:20

Is the family Spanish? That would be totally normal in that culture. Kids frequently stay up that late and later. My DD is 6 and goes to bed much earlier than her peers usually (about 7.30) but is happy staying up late sometimes at the weekend and for parties.