Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10.45pm pickup for 9yo’s birthday party?!

187 replies

Nitpickpicnic · 09/02/2020 21:03

Got an invitation through from school today. Says drop-off 5pm, pickup 10.45pm!

Admittedly the birthday girl is turning 10, but she’s the oldest in the class by many months (held back). Everyone else is just 9. It’s a Saturday night, party at the girl’s home.

I thought I had a few more years until I had to stay up past my own bedtime to drive my DD home from socialising! She’ll certainly be a write-off the whole next day. Would you find this a bit annoying and inappropriate, or is it perfectly normal in your circle?

OP posts:
Moonlite · 09/02/2020 23:15

@Crunchymum OP its oast 10:45 is obviously in bed sleeping

Cuppaand2biscuits · 09/02/2020 23:20

10pm would be a bit more reasonable. When I've had sleepovers with 9 year old girls here I'm trying to settle them down by 10.30pm with lights out. Does make it very late to collect at 10.45, you probably won't be out the door until 11pm then drive home, get ready for bed, she will want to tell you all about it. Will be midnight before she falls asleep.
But I've also sent 9 year olds to sleepovers where there has been very little sleep at all so given the choice I'd rather collect and have them sleep in their own bed from midnight. At least I know my children will lie in at home after a late night, they would be awake very early at a sleepover.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2020 23:25

Is there some special programme or movie on telly/Netflix that night that they're all going to watch or something? Or is it a 'make up/beauty party' or similar? Such a specific time as '10.45' sounds as if there's some type of scheduled 'thing' that's going to happen. It wouldn't bother me as a one off, but I would want to know what they were going to be doing all that time.

Unless something really exciting is going on I predict that the host is going to have quite a few sleepy and/or grumpy girls on her hands before pick up time!

I'd let my child go and I wouldn't pick her up early (unless asked to) because that might embarrass her in front of her friends. But I'd make sure that there was nothing scheduled us (or at least for her and one parent) for the next day so she could sleep in and spend the day relaxing.

Sally872 · 09/02/2020 23:32

My 10 year old is usually in bed at 9.30pm on weekend, but she could stay up later as a one off. Understand it may not suit all so politely decline. Don't complain about the invite.

Did the child start school at same time as yours? If so "held back" for a child who has been deferred is not something I would repeat. (If in Scotland for example Jan/Feb birthdays have a choice of start)

lostinadream · 09/02/2020 23:32

It’s once in a while. Let her go.

ZenNudist · 09/02/2020 23:33

YANBU my 9yp just went to his first sleep over. It started at 6.30 pm and we had to pick up before 9 am today! He stayed up sooo late and been horrible today. But its the school hols so hey ho.

Id be more annoyed by such a late finish. 10pm late enough but it depends on the children. It makes you the bad guy saying no. I remember in secondary my parents wouldn't let me stay out until 11pm. That was mean!

I put ds (9) in bed by 930 on NYE but he stayed up the year before until midnight.

MargotB7 · 09/02/2020 23:43

*bigchris

No way I'd be doing that one Saturday night!

I'd be at home in my Pjs with a glass of wine

They either let the kids sleepover or have it earlier and finish at a reasonable time*

I love my wine but as a one off I would be fine with this.

McCanne · 10/02/2020 00:01

That sounds great fun for a bunch of 9 and 10 year olds!

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/02/2020 00:17

My first thought was that this was the compromise when the birthday girl asked for a sleep over. That said, I would say no. Either sleep over or pick up at 8 pm, they want a later finish they can ferry them all home!

Jossina · 10/02/2020 00:26

For everyone saying it's unreasonable that it's not just a sleepover, did you think maybe there's a reason it's not? Maybe the birthday girl wets her bed, or has nightmares. Or someone else sleeping in the house has nighttime problems.

leccybill · 10/02/2020 00:44

Sounds fine to me. DD almost 10 went to a 'girly night' on Friday until 10.15. That was after being at school since 7.45am. She was fine - loved it.

spatchcock · 10/02/2020 01:15

"I remember when I was 17 on a week night I had to be home for 10.30pm and my friend was told 10pm I remember my friend ringing her Dad from the pub asking for longer ( before mobile phones) . Are parents a lot more liberal these days ?"

I think it's more that your parents were strict! I (and most of my friends at the time) moved out at 17 and was in charge of my own bedtimes.

Original poster
Nitpickpicnic · 10/02/2020 02:44

Thanks for the responses, guys. Sorry for disappearing, I posted just before work (different timezone to UK). Back now.

All I know about the party is the times, and that there’ll be a movie (at their house). I assumed the weird ‘10.45pm’ was because even the hosts saw 11pm as taking the piss?!

DD is thrilled to go, and feels very grown up to be out late. Hopefully she’ll curl up in a bean bag and nap at some point (I know, I know). I’m a bit Angry that our busy Sunday plans will need to be cancelled, she needs a full 10 hours or she turns into a snarling wreck, with regular episodes of crying and needing cuddles. Great fun for everyone. Otherwise she’s a really great kid, just needs her sleep.

So Saturday night out (only one free for Valentine’s Day for us) is off, then all the next day. Oh well, good practice for the teen years, I spose.

Fingers crossed the movie at least is kid-appropriate. The parents are starting to concern me (and others) that they operate under fairly unique family protocols! For info, they belong to the predominant culture.

It’s good to get a sense of everyone else’s ‘normal’.

OP posts:
Ullupullu · 10/02/2020 08:26

That's a bit of a drip feed OP, that you're not in the UK. Do you live somewhere where people have naps/downtime in the day and eat later in the evening anyway?

GreyishDays · 10/02/2020 08:30

You could still have a Saturday night out and then go and pick her up?

saoirse31 · 10/02/2020 08:31

At her age she cant cope with one not very late night? maybe she'll surprise you. And maybe if you dont tell her how awful she'll feel next day, she wont feel that bad!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 10/02/2020 08:47

I know some 9 year olds who are still up gaming online at midnight on a Friday and Saturday night Confused.

Agree it sounds like a sleep over but without the sleeping (and contrary to popular belief not all kids enjoy that part, either as guest or host), which I think is a cool idea. If your child can handle a late night as a one off OP I'd let her go.

You could still have your night too, as suggested upthread, and collect her on the way home?

happycamper11 · 10/02/2020 09:12

It would be fine for DD1 at 9 (she's only just turned 10 so no difference to now) however as a lone parent with a 6 year old I'd have to rely on some else to drop her off... keeping a 6 year old awake with nothing exciting going on then dragging her out in the cold is another matter

MaryShelley1818 · 10/02/2020 09:33

I really don't think it's a big deal as a one-off at a weekend for a Birthday party. Surely you can just enjoy a little lie in on the Sunday rather than cancel your entire days plans.
We have a 2-yr old who we recently took to Disneyland Paris and enjoyed staying up until midnight after enjoying the fireworks show. Do you never stay up late for holidays?

MintyMabel · 10/02/2020 09:37

Plenty of countries have school on a Sunday.

Strange then, that the late night party would be on a Saturday.

happycamper11 · 10/02/2020 09:38

Also why can't you have your valentines night out anyway OP and collect dd on the way home. Surely one late night if allowed to sleep on in the morning won't ruin Sunday plans? At NY we stayed at a friends til after midnight for the bells then walked the half hour home with dd just 10 and 6, we then got up first thing for a NYD party that started early and on to a house party where we got home around 11. Dc just slept a little later on the 2nd no harm done. One 10.45 finish causing so many problems seems bizarre. I know all kids are different but it's just a once off and now she's presumably approaching 10 she might surprise you

Ihavechangedmyname2manytimes · 10/02/2020 09:48

Absolutely would not allow to stay that late. 10:45 is too late for a 9yo. I have a 9yo and even 8pm pick uptime would be too late. Mind you, my child doesn't go to sleep till 9:30pm normally. 8 pm in summer would be the latest I would allow for a party.

BlingLoving · 10/02/2020 09:48

I see why you're concerned about your dd but I'd argue that most 9 year olds could cope with a once off late bed time, sleeping in a bit the next day and then just having an earlier night the following night. If that's hard for your DD, then so be it, but I don't think it's weird for the other family to think this is doable as a once off.

smashstore · 10/02/2020 10:07

So Saturday night out (only one free for Valentine’s Day for us) is off, then all the next day

I think you are making an absolute meal out of this tbh. There is no reason why you can't go for a Valentines day dinner then pick your DD up. There is also no need to cancel all your plans for the next day just because she might be tired. It's a one off, so what if she is a bit tired, you don't have to cancel the whole day!

reluctantbrit · 10/02/2020 10:25

Maybe the mum scheduled it to give parents the possibility to go out for dinner and then collect the children on the way back? Most times DD has a late party we end up going for dinner.