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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10.45pm pickup for 9yo’s birthday party?!

187 replies

Nitpickpicnic · 09/02/2020 21:03

Got an invitation through from school today. Says drop-off 5pm, pickup 10.45pm!

Admittedly the birthday girl is turning 10, but she’s the oldest in the class by many months (held back). Everyone else is just 9. It’s a Saturday night, party at the girl’s home.

I thought I had a few more years until I had to stay up past my own bedtime to drive my DD home from socialising! She’ll certainly be a write-off the whole next day. Would you find this a bit annoying and inappropriate, or is it perfectly normal in your circle?

OP posts:
RedRed9 · 10/02/2020 10:32

So Saturday night out (only one free for Valentine’s Day for us) is off,
^ or you now have childcare sorted from 5-10:45 so you can go an enjoy yourselves!

Original poster
Nitpickpicnic · 10/02/2020 10:50

@ Ullupullu

A dripfeed that we’re not in the UK?

Well sorry to shock you, but loads of mumsnet users aren’t on UK soil. If we live in a very different culture then why would we be canvassing a largely UK audience? To trick you into replying? Sounds a bit dramatic and pointless.

To answer a few other posters with specifics- our Sunday plans included things that aren’t easily cancelled ‘for a lie-in’, just because. We would have gone to religious services at 9am (that DD usually plays an active role in), and visited elderly relatives and done some batch cooking together for the week. We also both (parents) work a few hours on sundays (internet based freelance) and DD rides her bike around the neighbourhood visiting neighbours (mainly their dogs!).

Trust me that none of those things are going to work smoothly with a seriously grumpy, teary, sleepy girl.

But we’ll manage it. It’s not a tragedy. Just would have been a different (better) weekend with a ‘normal’ 8.30pm bedtime. I think 10.45pm is an unnecessarily late pickup. Easily 11.30 before we’re all in bed. All I’m saying.

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 10/02/2020 10:52

Hmm from what you say about the family be prepared for films/games with a 15 rating or excess freedoms.

NC4Now · 10/02/2020 10:53

The cooking and online work can be done while she flops on the sofa watching films

RedRed9 · 10/02/2020 11:09

Apart from visiting elderly relatives and DD going for a bike ride absolutely all of that can be done with a partied out 9yo.

I would take her to the service where she’ll feel pretty rough but she’ll survive (or skip it if you want to) then come home and let her zone out in front of the tv while you do everything else you usually do.

Sally872 · 10/02/2020 12:29

Would skip religious service at 9am and she probably wont want to go out cycling. Batch cooking can be done without her and expecting her to pull it together while visiting elderly relatives is not unreasonable. Valentines plans could easily go ahead and collect her at 10.45.

You are being a martyr. Let her go and make it work. Or decide it is too much effort.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/02/2020 12:54

Op it's a party and a one-off.

Your usual Sunday sounds full of lovely wholesome things. But do those lovely things need to be so rigidly adhered to that you can't accommodate one late night once?

All of those things could be easily cancelled or rijigged slightly to accomodate a slightly later rising (skip church, and you work whilst she has a sleep in and lazier morning,)

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/02/2020 12:54

And yep - you have free babysitting for Saturday night now.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/02/2020 13:06

Now you've posted your "plans" you sound even more unreasonable. And tbh I'd be worried about a NT 9yr old who would be so inconsolable after one late night that the next day she'd be in tears and in such a mood she'd be unable to visit a neighbour's dog or help with batch cooking. Maybe its the pressure of such rigidness that she finds upsetting. Why can't you batch cook yourself and let her just chill out?

whitesoxx · 10/02/2020 13:22

Well then just go out for your valentines meal before you pick her up and she can nap or rest instead of riding her bike around the village. Or give her the day off from batch cooking 🤷🏽‍♀️

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/02/2020 13:31

I would be more annoyed at the lack of notice

A week for a long evening party

Most people have plans for the next week

But yes. You now have a babysitter

Who was going to have dd while you had your vd meal

And Sunday stuff can be done if she wants - cycling - church / and nap while you batch cook

Or just go to bed early that night

What time does dd usually go to bed school nights and weekends

Ribrabrob · 10/02/2020 13:39

While I can understand your concerns to an extent, you do seem a bit dramatic OP. It’s all a bit mountain out of a molehill.

Relax. It’s just one night

BackforGood · 10/02/2020 17:22

Another who is confused as to why you think this means you would cancel your 'Valentines Day meal out'.
Surely this is excellent timing, in that the party becomes your babysitter ?

I also think you are being dramatic in "cancelling Sundays plans" - doesn't sound like any reason to from what you say.

Thornhill58 · 10/02/2020 17:49

If it's a Friday or Saturday I would be ok. I do have a night owl so the late night wouldn't bother him.
Now that he is 14 him and his friends can do all nighters about twice a year.

Grobagsforever · 10/02/2020 18:25

But you don't have to cancel your Sunday plans, probably just church, so DD can lie in til 10? You can't restrict your daughter's social life due to church anyway, that's not really fair, unless DD herself makes the decision to prioritise church over her friends..

And yes, go for your valentines meal and pick her up on the way home, sounds ideal? Free sitter?

Honestly OP it's good for your DD to learn to cope with the odd late night, life gets very dull otherwise!

DrCoconut · 10/02/2020 18:47

Sounds fun. My 8 year old is seldom asleep at that time anyway so it would be fine with me.

mollypuss1 · 10/02/2020 19:25

I really don’t see the issue here. Even my 4 year old can cope with one late night without turning into a ‘seriously grumpy, teary, sleepy girl’. Why can’t a 9 year old manage one late night without it ruining your whole weekend? If she must have a solid 10 hours sleep then let her lie in until 9.30 and skip church, it’s a one off afterall, then she will be fine to participate in all the exciting batch cooking plans you have. The words mountain and molehill come to mind here.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 10/02/2020 21:10

Either let her go with a smile on your face or don't. Don't let her go and whinge though.

I wouldn't be cancelling any of my Sunday plans though because she turns into a snarling wreck, with regular episodes of crying and needing cuddles That seems very extreme for a 9yo to be unable to "cope" with one late night. And she should know being tired doesn't excuse bad behaviour. My 4yo has had his share late nights but wouldn't act like this. If he's tired he says he's tired and has a nap or goes to bed early the following night.

ZenNudist · 10/02/2020 21:10

I let ds skip church after sleep over this weekend, picked him up at the stated time, still in pjs and knackered. He had a nap later on. So maybe your dd could nap whilst you work. Agree is not good timings.

WYP2018 · 10/02/2020 21:28

Do you know any of the parents of other invitees? My Dd got invited to a sleepover when she was pretty young, and she didn’t know the family very well. A few of us decided to pick our kids up early together, and it was the right decision; there were older kids at the sleepover who were upsetting them and they were too young to deal with it. As we picked them up together they didn’t feel hard done by. I know lots of kids can deal with a late night as a one off, but I know some kids can’t and it makes them miserable.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/02/2020 21:36

I can't see it matters changing your Sunday plans slightly as a one off. She might be fine anyway and it sounds chilled apart from the early church visit.

Supertrooper98 · 10/02/2020 22:07

Jeez well she can skip the cycling around to the neighbourhood dogs for that Sunday can't she? And you can easily work from home while she watches TV can't you? And you can go out for your sat night and pick her up on the way home.
It's just a sleepover party without the sleep because perhaps the parents feel they're still a bit young.
You're being ridiculous.

geekone · 10/02/2020 22:40

YABU my DS 10th birthday has just gone and I took 4 kids to an event pick up was at 5 event finished at 9.30 driving back and dropping them all off all were home by 10.30 parents didn’t mind. My DS then got up at 7.30 to play two games of football and was fine.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/02/2020 23:38

I'd skip church and perhaps one of you could visit the elderly relatives whilst the other stays home? And I don't see batch cooking or computer work as incompatible with a DC having a lie in and a lazy day. It's not like a child needs absolute silence to have a restful day.

And I'd definitely use the party time to have dinner.

NameChangeNugget · 11/02/2020 00:32

As a one off, it wouldn’t bother me