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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex’s 29 year old step son dating a 17 year old

279 replies

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:37

Obviously nothing I can do/say I get that but is it me or would you find this throughly distasteful?

This is occurring under ex’s roof

OP posts:
CrocodilesCry · 09/02/2020 18:38

Why is it your business? Confused

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:39

Because MY 17 year old is exposed to this

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 09/02/2020 18:41

I’m sure your 17 yr old isn’t that delicate and may date someone older themself one day.

ADJ1151 · 09/02/2020 18:42

Not ideal but what can you do? None of your business and absolutely legal albeit a large age gap. When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old. When I was 20 I met my partner aged 34 at the time. We’ve been together for 8 years.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 18:42

You can think what you like but it’s got nothing to do with you and doesn’t matter what you think about it.

ADJ1151 · 09/02/2020 18:42

33 not 34 if that makes any difference Smile

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:43

It’s not normal though is it. That age difference. 25 year old with a 30 year old maybe. This is a bit weird

OP posts:
MrsAJ27 · 09/02/2020 18:44

YANBU...I wouldn't be happy if it was my DD.

Newkitchen123 · 09/02/2020 18:45

How is this your business?

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 18:45

A 12 year age gap isn’t that unusual. And nowt you can do about it.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:46

I think it’s quite unusual with a 17 year old... don’t you ?

OP posts:
Reginabambina · 09/02/2020 18:46

Ffs what does it matter whether something is normal? Why be so boring? If there are genuine concerns over the 17 year old’s maturity and the risk of an unhealthy relationship dynamic as a result the fair enough. But just not being normal isn’t an issue, if anything it’s a good thing. Far too many people are normal, it very dull.

Oxfordnono12 · 09/02/2020 18:48

I just turned 18 and my partner was 29? We are together 13 years married 10..

What's the problem?

Dylaninthemovies1 · 09/02/2020 18:49

Not your circus, not your monkeys

Itwasntme1 · 09/02/2020 18:49

I wouldn’t want my 17 daughter dating a 29 year old. And as I 17year old I wouldn’t have dated a man that old, particularly one who still lives with his parents😂.

But I don’t think there is much you can do about it. Hopefully your child has the sense to chart their own path and not be influenced by other decisions.

honesttogod · 09/02/2020 18:50

I understand what you saying why would a 29 year old be interested in a 17 year old girl but she is practically an adult and can make her own decisions just like you daughter can.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 18:50

No I don’t think it’s completely unusual. Would I be happy about it if it was my daughter? Probably not but I don’t care who she will date as long as she is treated well.

I was 19 with a 30 year old boyfriend though.

Sparklesocks · 09/02/2020 18:51

I agree that age gaps are not a big deal as you get older, but there is quite a large gap between most 17 year olds 29 year olds in terms of what they have in common, life experience etc. I know some people meet older partners in their teens and they have a great relationship etc, but equally if it was my daughter I’d be concerned that her inexperience and naivety in relationships might mean she’s not on equal footing with someone with 12 years more experience than her.

Monsterjam · 09/02/2020 18:52

Unusual or not it’s none of your business surely. As long as they are both consenting then age gap is pretty irrelevant

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:53

It’s just another example in my opinion as to how my ex has lost his bloody marbles. He wouldn’t have condoned this 20 years ago for our future children. Crazy eh

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 09/02/2020 18:56

Halve the age of the older one, add seven, and that is the minimum recommended age for a younger partner.
No idea where I heard this!
So 29/2 = 14.5
14.5 +7 = 21.5

DontTouchTheMoustache · 09/02/2020 18:56

Another one who dated a 29 year old at 18. It fizzled out but i dont feel like it was creepy or that i was taken advantage of.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 18:56

What do you expect your ex to do?!

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 09/02/2020 18:58

Meh of course a 17 year old with a 29 year old feels wrong when you're the mother of a 17 year old.

Generally the kind of 29 year old who would be in a relationship with someone who was a child a little over a year ago has issues.

Generally there's a massive power imbalance and the older party is a horrible sleeve or the 29 year old is horrendously immature in a still lives with parents and doesn't know how to use the washing machine way.

However when you're 17 going out with a 29 year old, you think it means you're mature.

Yanbu OP but as it's not illegal obviously you can't do anything much. You could talk to your own 17 year old about power imbalances in relationships though.

Babyg1995 · 09/02/2020 18:58

What's your ex meant to do ??? You have a 17 year old I'm sure they will be fine it's none of your businessConfused

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