Ex’s 29 year old step son dating a 17 year old

[ChrissieKeller61]

Obviously nothing I can do/say I get that but is it me or would you find this throughly distasteful?

This is occurring under ex’s roof

Grim. Really really grim. Can't believe all the posters defending this! I would hate that a father of my child was allowing this under his roof.

I was 18, he was 32 we were together 4 years

CJ so by your reckoning, was I “manipulated or moulded” when I had relationships which much older men when I was 19/20? I’m genuinely curious if it’s only 17 year olds that you think can be manipulated.

It’s very disappointing. The decline in ex as a person @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

A lot of the laws mentioned in this are US ones but the points made re exploitative relationships between consenting teenagers and much older adults are much in line with my thinking.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.vox.com/platform/amp/the-big-idea/2017/11/20/16677180/age-consent-teenage-psychology-law-roy-moore

From a neuroscientific point of view we now know that the brain has not fully developed until the mid 20s. These relationships are very rarely relationships between two equals. I do think there is something wrong with a person who has been an adult for over a decade pursuing a relationship with someone who is a teenager and not yet legally adult.

Most of these age gap relationships seem to be the younger female and the older male, don't often see it the other way.

I can see the argument that men may mature slightly later than females, but that doesn't explain why older men (in their late 20s/early 30s) are attracted to younger women who are still in their teens.

Better than being fucked by adults isn’t it

Not a very edifying post, OP.

Is your daughter coming to harm? If not, I would agree with those who say YABVVU.

Lagrime And especially when she has used a plural. She was referring to me and it’s “adults” not just one adult lol

Who’s in a long term relationship at 15-19 certainly none of the children I know

I was, OP, and we’re married and in our 30s now. Yes, we were the exact same age, but being a teenager doesn’t rule out being in a long term relationship.

It's creepy AF however it's legal so not alot you can do. I can't believe people are giving you so much crap and telling you to mind your own, 17's a kid and thats a massive power imbalance. I dated a few older guys in my teens (from 14-18), it made me feel special and mature having a boyfriend who drove and could buy booze but it makes me uneasy looking back, I think I was groomed but we don't really say it that much when we refer to white older guys targeting teens.

Prinny, that would make a bit more sense if it were the OP's own daughter who was dating a 30 yo. But she isn't! That's what makes it none of the OP's business. If it were her own DD, she could quite reasonably say she finds it distasteful and has concerns. However, there is no hint that her own daughter is either shagging an older man or has any interest in doing so. Her DD may well find it all a bit horrible. That's why it's none of the OP's business.

FWIW, I have only ever dated older men, so have no problem with it per se.

NickyNacky, quite right about the plural.

I guess I’d just expected better of ex, as a person. Someone’s daughter is in a less than ideal scenario and the man I knew wouldn’t have been comfortable with that. @Lagrime
It then makes me question his guidance of our children if he’s ok with that situation. Luckily our children think the same, but it’s sad they now can’t rely on their own fathers judgement isn’t it

The age of consent is 16 so what

Would most in here be happy with their 16 year old daughter with a 40 year old man just because they have reached the age of consent. Or 16 year old son with a 40 year old man (or woman)

I doubt it though someone shall be along to tell us about a wonderful relationship they know of where she was sweet 16 and he was a lovely caring guy of 40 who just hadn’t met an adult he wanted to have a relationship with

The reason people are giving the OP a hard time (and I don't think they even are, just telling her it's none of her business) is because the 17 year old has her own parents. And it's up to them to voice any concerns if they have them.

The 29 year old has his own parents, and it's up to them to voice concerns if they have any. Although at 29 I would take too much notice of my parents trying to tell me what to do.

The OP has no skin in this game!
The OP's ex also has no right to say anything.

"The decline in ex as a person"??

I think there's more to this than somebody else's 17 year old. Why are you still so invested in what your ex does or doesn't do?

How long are you separated?

I’m invested in what goes on in a household /family my children are involved in. @TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre.
My children are sat around eating breakfast the morning after the night before.

As if this is normal

But unless you stop your 17 year old going to see his/her dad then there is nothing you can do about it so don’t waste your energy. And it should be your son/daughters decision if they want to go, not yours.

Gross and pretty pathetic.

Exactly @EnthusiasmIsDisturbed

And it should be your son/daughters decision if they want to go, not yours

Mine are 15-18, and this is true. XH has been monstrous, but they can make their own decisions based on their own interactions with him. I will support them, whatever they choose.

A 12 year age gap isn’t huge when the youngest is much older. Say, a 30 year old woman dating a 42 year old probably wouldn’t raise eyebrows.
The reason it’s so icky for 17/29 is the experience imbalance. Not just sexually, but life experience, maturity etc. At 17, she’ll still be very naïve and impressionable. At 17 you still fall hard and fast and would do anything for them for life.

@Sunflower20 I think that’s the other thing, if this is condoned, accepted, welcomed wtf else will be in that household.

It is unusual but not unheard of. Certainly wouldn't stop me eating my breakfast.

I can't believe how many people are saying it's fine!!

17 and 29. What the fuck could they possibly have in common?

I had a boyfriend of 28 when I was 18. My mum wasn't happy at all. Couldn't see what a man that age would see in an 18yo.

But hey. I was 18. I knew everything.

I was at his beck and call. I wanted to impress his friends, I did anything he wanted. Went were he wanted to go. Did most things he said.

It wasn't until I was older I could see how fucked up the dynamic was.

OP, it's not unreasonable AT ALL to have concerns about a nearly 30 year old bloke dating a 17yo.

Wonder if all these telling you to mind your business would be happy if it was their daughters?

I fucking wouldn't be!

Would I be happy? Probably not but I couldn’t do anything about it and as long as she is being treated well I would be satisfied with that.

You can do something about it though. I have a son and if he rocked up with a 17 year old at that age he’d be told in no uncertain terms to get her home and shouldn’t she be doing her homework.
We aren’t powerless as parents.