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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex’s 29 year old step son dating a 17 year old

279 replies

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:37

Obviously nothing I can do/say I get that but is it me or would you find this throughly distasteful?

This is occurring under ex’s roof

OP posts:
MargotsBumpyNight · 09/02/2020 18:59

There are a lot of reasons why older men date teenagers and most of them are grim. YANBU.

Monsterjam · 09/02/2020 18:59

Lucky he’s your ex if making a different choice to you equates losing his marbles

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 18:59

Well it isn't his kids and presumably not solely his own home so it isn't as simple as him condoning it.
As for your 17 yo, unless you're worried the step brother is going to make a move on your child, I'm not sure what they're being exposed to. If he's permitted to have sex with someone in the house it isn't really much different if they're 17 or 27.

But yes, it's odd imo. I'd def judge my 29 friend for dating a child, and Tbh even if once she turned 18. Massive power imbalance. She'll still be in education of some sort, can't legally drink etc

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 09/02/2020 18:59

Sleeze not sleeve!

OlaEliza · 09/02/2020 19:01

I would wonder what they could possibly have in common. Plus they are at completely different life stages.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:02

I think that’s thing ... my 17 year old thinks he’s a creep and would break both his arms if he touched her ... I guess I feel a bit sick someone else’s 17 year old is getting it under ex’s roof and he’s turning a blind eye at best

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 19:02

but she is practically an adult surely that's the ick factor. Practically not actually

OlaEliza · 09/02/2020 19:03

Plus control and moulding someone impressionable etc.

O don't think it's right, even though it's legal.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:03

Ola I was at complete different life stages to my boyfriend when we met. He was a home owner, company director and owned a car.

I worked part time in a pub.

We still managed to get on great despite not having much “in common”

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 19:03

That's her parents responsibility though, he can't police his partners come in a shared home

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:05

@SleepingStandingUp I wouldn’t allow it, would you ?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 19:05

@Nicknacky but hope old were you both?

user18463585026 · 09/02/2020 19:06

A 29 year old man is in a sexual relationship with a child.

And posters on here are defending it. Right. Hmm

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 19:07

@ChrissieKeller61 my 17 yo sleeping over at her 29 yo bfs house? No.
Or the 17 yo stopping over at mine? Is it his house or theirs? I just think it's harder with step kids, esp older ones, for the step parent to make unilateral decisions

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:07

sleeping My first older boyfriend was 30 and I was 19. My second older one was 31 and I was 20.

At 17 I was going out with a 21 year old and I had a far, far worse time with him. Drug user, drinker and I could see where my future was going to end up if I stayed with him.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:09

You can’t compare a drug user with anyone @ Nicknacky it’s a given tyat they are no good however old they are.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/02/2020 19:10

I got with my DP when I was 17 and he was 28.

Now we've been together 7 years and have a baby.

Not your circus, OP.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:10

To be fair it was recreational drugs. But the point remains that the older boyfriends were far better for me than the one nearer my age!

SleepingStandingUp · 09/02/2020 19:11

No one is saying someone closer must be perfect, there are abusive, crap relationships at any age but at 20 or even 19 you'd hadve had more life experience than the av 17 l, who isn't even recognised as being an adult

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:13

sleeping To be fair, I didn’t really. I was in a long term relationship from 15 until I was 19 so didn’t have much freedom or experience until my very late teens/early 20’s.

Lemonlimecordial · 09/02/2020 19:14

17 is a fine line between child and adult. 29 is most certainly an adult and absolutely agree with you OP and think it’s creepy. I’m sure people wouldn’t be so open to it if it were 16 and 28, and let’s face it, it’s not that different at all.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:15

This is a whole different world
Who’s in a long term relationship at 15-19 certainly none of the children I know

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2020 19:17

I agree. The age gap is too big. I would not be happy were this my dd.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:19

Chrissie Well, I was. And I certainly wasn’t the only one in the group of people I ran about with and some of them are still together.

DiegoSaber · 09/02/2020 19:21

It's unusual. The guy may be creepy, equally he maynot be, as evidenced by the multiple PPs saying things like I just turned 18 and my partner was 29? We are together 13 years married 10.

And it's not actually your daughter involved anyway. So yes YABU.