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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex’s 29 year old step son dating a 17 year old

279 replies

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 18:37

Obviously nothing I can do/say I get that but is it me or would you find this throughly distasteful?

This is occurring under ex’s roof

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/02/2020 19:21

Maybe the children in your world are mollycoddled for longer than the children in our worlds?

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:22

Better than being fucked by adults isn’t it @GiveHerHellFromUs

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:23

Chrissie Who is getting “fucked by adults”? The 17 year old is above the age of co sent.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/02/2020 19:24

@ChrissieKeller61 it wasn't an insult...

At 17 I certainly was much more mature than many 25 year olds that I know now. I come from a different world than them, I'm sure of it.

Sirzy · 09/02/2020 19:24

If it was my child I would be concerned. But there is nothing illegal and nothing you can do about it.

It sounds like your son has made his own mind up that he isn’t comfy with the age gap at that age so I wouldn’t worry about him too much.

Monsterjam · 09/02/2020 19:24

@ChrissieKeller61 they are both adults getting fucked are they not?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/02/2020 19:25

@chrissiekeller61 just to add, if your 17 year old got a boyfriend who was even slightly older than he would be being 'fucked by adults' as you so charmingly put it, too.

NameChange84 · 09/02/2020 19:26

*A 29 year old man is in a sexual relationship with a child.

And posters on here are defending it. Right. hmm.*

This. Envy

Out of interest, I was contacted 15 years after the event by the police to give a statement on a man who had stalked me when I was in sixth form. It was precisely because I had been 16/17 at the time and he 28/29 with a clearly sexual motive that they got in touch with me to ask what had happened following renewed interest after a Safeguarding Lead contacted them in relation to other young girls/women. Even though he had stalked me in my twenties too, it was the period when I was under 18 that was the biggest red flag for them.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:27

I was talking about the 15-19 year old scenario @Monsterjam

OP posts:
BreconBeBuggered · 09/02/2020 19:27

I have a 17-year-old, and in my experience, for most of them it's not a fine line between 17 and being an adult. It's a ruddy great chasm.

However. Not your circus, OP, so you and I had both better put our judgey pants back in the drawer.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 09/02/2020 19:28

You're not wrong OP, as a parent of a child similar age I cannot imagine what an almost 30yo would have in common with them apart from the obvious.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:28

Chrissie And by that you are talking about me. It’s interesting you assume I was in a sexual relationship at 15 (not that I would be ashamed of that anyway).

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 09/02/2020 19:28

The whole thing is just throughly unsavoury

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/02/2020 19:29

I was talking about the 15-19 year old scenario

So you, the OP, want to discuss a scenario you're making up (and assume everyone knows you're talking about the made up scenario) rather than the situation you're actually in, which is what everyone else is discussing?

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:29

But it’s nothing to do with you so it doesn’t matter one bit what you think.,.

richele4 · 09/02/2020 19:30

@NameChange84 That would have been because you weren't consenting? But this 17 year old is.

It's not your child OP there's nothing you can do about it. I agree that the age gap is weird.

Chewbecca · 09/02/2020 19:33

I wouldn’t be happy about it either OP, you’re getting an unfair hard time on here IMO.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 09/02/2020 19:33

It is weird and I know a lot of women meet much older men when they're barely teenagers and marry them and have kids with them. The Relationships threads are full of them, usually completely FUBAR'd by men who knew exactly what they were doing.

forkfun · 09/02/2020 19:38

I was with a man ten years older than me from when I was 17 until I was 23. He was truly a great boyfriend. In the end, the age gap was too big and we wanted different things. I think it's totally possible for this to be fine.

ChickLitLover · 09/02/2020 19:38

If this was my 17 year old daughter, I’d certainly have concerns. In all honesty what can most 17 year olds have in common with most 29 year olds.

I work with a few men around that age and none of them would want to date a 17 year old. They wouldn’t want to date someone who is barely finished being a child.

As you get older, the 12 year age gap doesn’t matter as both people will have some life experience. Most people do a lot of different things between 17 and say 25, university, nights out, travelling, various jobs etc and that’s what makes you as a person. I think there’s a real possibility of an unequal relationship here.

littlejalapeno · 09/02/2020 19:38

Yeah the age gap is really big. Especially as a 17 year old doesn’t have the world experience of a 29 year old.

If it was 27 and 39 I’d say it’s a bit much for me personally but not a problem. 17 and 29 though... doesn’t sit right. What can you do though?

When I was single most of the people I knew used the formula of taking the age of the oldest person in the relationship, divide it by 2 and add 7. In this case the youngest he should go is 21.5.

I’m sure when I was 17 the interest of a 29 year old would’ve been the height of flattery. So glad I grew up and saw it for what it was.

Nicknacky · 09/02/2020 19:39

MrsDoyles There are many many posters who have married in that situation who it’s turned out very well for them.

Let’s not generalise.

CrazyToast · 09/02/2020 19:39

Yeah I know of a 32 year old with a 17 year old that he has known since she was 10. It may be legal but it is questionnable af. YABU

AutumnRose1 · 09/02/2020 19:41

When I was 17, I dated a 31 year old.

I always say, you can a teenage girl to date a teenage boy, they’re a planet away in terms of maturity.

AutumnRose1 · 09/02/2020 19:41

Can = can’t expect

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