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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The rudest man I have ever met was at our house last night, but was DH U?

271 replies

zefi · 09/02/2020 10:25

I hope this doesn’t turn out to be too rambling and I’ll try and include the most relevant parts, Basically, I held a small-ish drinks party last night, to welcome DH home and also to celebrate a friend’s good news..,

A cousin of mine married a British man about ten years ago, but they’ve been living in Spain until recently when they’ve moved to a Manchester suburb. She had texted me to say they were in London Fri-Sun so I asked her over last night and was really looking forward to catching up.

She is absolutely lovely and drop-dead gorgeous. He is about 20 years older than her (she’s about 37) and a lot shorter than her. Anyway, maybe I shouldn’t mention that really, but almost from the minute they arrived, he was being very “chippy”. At first, I thought it must just be his humour, so I tried to go with it. But basically he was just obnoxious.

You know people who put their wives down as the butt if a “joke?” This is what he was doing and he was doing it a lot. For instance, she was asking me about my son (whose a teen now) because when he was 7, there was a big hoo-haa about his being possibly dyspraxic and my cousin is worried about her DD, I was reassuring her that a lot of it is probably just the switch into a different school system, but she was saying she might try and get him a tutor, someone with SEN expertise. Throughout this, the H was loudly exclaiming to all in earshot , “she’s supposed to be a teacher, but she wants a tutor.., What's the point of you then darling .., “ In front if a room of strangers. This is just an example.

I asked him if he was enjoying being back in Manchester after all these years and he said, “Why would I enjoy living among a load of chavs in tracksuits.” Everyone was Confused

Then - (I wasn’t even talking to him at this point) - my cousin was talking about the property market up there because they’re looking to buy and I was telling her we couldn’t sell out previous house because of the Brexit uncertainty, when he suddenly chipped in with, “Well you could sell it, you just won’t lower the price will you?” He doesn’t even know anything about this house or what we were trying to sell it for Hmm. So I just said to him, “Would you sell your car for £50 quid then?” (Because I’d seen him come in something that could have been a Ferrari or similar). He has no answer to that.

He kept getting the waiter’s to repeat what the canapés were, even though it was bloody obvious anyway to anyone with eyes, but he was doing it to mock their accents and make a scene. I was getting quite wound up by this and everyone must have noticed. It was quite awful actually.

Then the worst thing happened... So I was asking why they were down in London without the kids and he kept making inverted commas with his fingers and talking about “the appointment.” I think she was trying to change the subject, but then he just blurted out that she had come down for an appointment about a breast enlargement. He said this in front of a couple my cousin has never met, also they didn’t think it was in any way funny and were probably very embarrassed because they’re Egyptian and reasonably conservative people. Then he actually had the arrogance to say to me, “haven’t you had yours done then? (I have not) and he turned to interrupt DH who was talking in another group and said he would give him the number if this doctor such and such.

Sorry if this is really long, but it’s hard to describe and there was actually more to it as well, but what happened then was DH gave one if his death stares. The subject was changed swiftly and then DH joined us and I can’t remember but this man said something like, “What are you thinking big man” and DH said, “I’m thinking you are stood in my home insulting my wife.” Then there was a really awkward pause and the H said, “Oh is that the time already,” and then something like “We can’t stay longer for all the fun,” and they basically just left. I said to my cousin, I was really sorry and she said the same to me. I think she was quite upset. I have texted her this morning, but nothing yet.

I know this man was BU, but was DH BU as well. Should he have just laughed it off, for my cousins sake, in other words? WWYD? I hate embarrassing things like this and tend to overthink.

Sorry this is so long and I realise many people won’t bother reading to the end. I won’t do the vote thing in case.

OP posts:
GobletOfIre · 09/02/2020 11:17

Your husband sounds lovely and supportive.

Your cousin needs to ditch that arsehole.

crankysaurus · 09/02/2020 11:18

Sometimes bluntness is exactly what is required, and it might have helped her to see her DH being called out for being so rude.

Littlemeadow123 · 09/02/2020 11:18

Wow that is arrogance on the next level. Your DH was right to stand up for you because that was completely out of order.

KatyCarrCan · 09/02/2020 11:18

Like a PP, I got caught on the waiters serving canapes at a small drinks party at home. It all sounds very Great Gatsby...
Anyway, please don't isolate your cousin by telling her she can come anytime but her DH isn't welcome. If he's an abusive arse, then he will force her to drop the relationship with you. Tread carefully so you can still offer her support.

pilates · 09/02/2020 11:19

Good on your DH. Hopefully your cousin will come to her senses.

Cazza6474 · 09/02/2020 11:23

You have waiters in your home?

Bluetrews25 · 09/02/2020 11:24

For DH Cake. Top bloke.
Very concerned for your cousin - at the very least he will have given her an earbashing, at worst, we can only guess.
Strangely fancy a Ferrero Rocher now for some reason....

abitlostandalwayshungry · 09/02/2020 11:25

your husband sounds brilliant.

wibdib · 09/02/2020 11:25

Your husband was great.

If anything it’s just a shame he didn’t snap earlier, so that when the short idiot said about passing him the name of a good surgeon, he could have said something along the lines of why on earth would I want to even suggest to my wife that she mutilates her body and risks all the serious health problems with breast implants that are now so well known - only a selfish insecure jerk would ever contemplate wanting that for their wife. I’m not a loser like that and I’m insulted that you would consider I would be and worse that you think this is a good thing for your wife. (Assuming that your cousin isn’t having reconstructive surgery after a mastectomy or something similar).

Wereallsquare · 09/02/2020 11:27

You have the loveliest DH! How could you doubt him???? Give him the biggest hug from me!!! You are married to a real man.

BahMooQuack · 09/02/2020 11:29

Your DH was right. And he was in no way rude.

Gertrudesgarden · 09/02/2020 11:29

Your husband wins a gold medal from me. How would you have felt if he agreed with the obnoxious twit?

Jaxhog · 09/02/2020 11:31

Hurrah for your DH! That's what I'd want my DH to do, if I didn't beat him to it. He worded it perfectly too. Short, sharp and to the point.

2020newme · 09/02/2020 11:31

OP you have the opposite of a DH problem Grin

YasssKween · 09/02/2020 11:31

I love your husband Smile

user1471449295 · 09/02/2020 11:32

Your husband was amazing

KarmaStar · 09/02/2020 11:33

Your dh was brilliant!give him a high five!

JellyNo15 · 09/02/2020 11:34

Your husband is fab. Too many people let rude people get away at bad behaviour.

Sceptre86 · 09/02/2020 11:35

Your dh behaved exactly as he should have. He wasn't threatening just said the truth. Your cousin is being trodden upon and really needs to take a good look at her marriage. If he behaves so rudely confront of people I can only imagine what he is like behind closed doors. Offer her your full support but make it clear he is not welcome in your home again. Be prepared though that she might reduce contact with you as a result. He really sounds like a turd, asking if you had your boobs done! You showed great restraint, I dont think I could have.

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/02/2020 11:35

Your DH was an utter star, told the twat off without being rude AND managed to point out to your poor cousin that her ‘D’H is an insulting waste of space

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/02/2020 11:36

You had waiters in your home?

zasknbg · 09/02/2020 11:36

Of course your husband was right and his behaviour was ideal.

However your poor cousin. She’s being abused. I guess she is trapped with this abusive monster because of the kids. Is her mother alive and able to help her? Can you tell her?

BahMooQuack · 09/02/2020 11:37

waiters- the ones that came with the caterers I assume.

wizzywig · 09/02/2020 11:38

Op, you are the husband arent you? I think you shut that tit down really well!!

MitziK · 09/02/2020 11:39

I have this image of your DH being built like a brick shithouse and calmly giving this ratty little shit The Fear.

Unfortunately, I also expect that RLS would have either taken it out on your cousin afterwards or is completely oblivious to anything he said or did. Either way, keeping in contact with her would be a good thing, as she sounds as though she'll benefit from being less isolated from support.