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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 09/02/2020 09:35

It's the excuse the kids used to skive off school these daysWink

Herringbone31 · 09/02/2020 09:37

Where do you work?

Is there any jobs?

You sound like me. I’d be making sure that they realise that this although has company policy backing them. That they are now an adult and need to act in such a manner!

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 09:37

You'll get lots of people taking about needing time to decompress or blow off steam or "breathe" but I agree. If you are mentally unwell, same as if you're physically unwell take a sick day or however many are needed to recover. If you're a bit tired have an early night and get the hell into work.

GreyishDays · 09/02/2020 09:39

I think there’s a difference between people taking the piss and needing a mental health day though.

RedSheep73 · 09/02/2020 09:39

I agree, people with genuine mh issues don't talk about mental health days. If you're sick, you're sick, whether it's mental or physical. If you just need some time off you use annual leave.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 09:40

Yabu. I wish companies were.more understanding of taking the odd mental health day. People really should take their mental health more seriously. You dont need a diagnosed condition to have poor mental health. I could have really done with a mental health day last week but couldn't take one becasue despite working as a mental health nurse in the nhs, the mental health of staff is still unfortunately sneered at. Instead I just took time in the "crying cupboard" everyday until it finally came to my days off.

There will always be people that take the piss but that's the case with any sickness policy, theyd just have migraines or d&v instead.

NeedToKnow101 · 09/02/2020 09:41

I used to work somewhere corporate where we were allowed 5 'duvet' days a year. So if we were feeling stressed, or more likely hungover etc, we could have a day off without it impacting on our annual leave or sickness record. Brilliant idea. But using a mental health day or three to go to Disneyland is purely a pisstake. Maybe your company needs to limit them to 3-5 days max per year or something.

thedevilinablackdress · 09/02/2020 09:43

Does your company policy allow this? That's the main issue really. How are these absences recorded?
If they are taking them as sick days they should be for illness, mental or physical.

whostolemy · 09/02/2020 09:43

My situation is a bit different but I had a couple of days off to regroup with support of my boss recently. My husband has a brain tumour, he had nearly a year of radio and chemo. We have 3 kids and I work full time. When I reached the stage of very nearly crying in front of my class I went to speak to the boss. I had 2 days off and rested. Properly. I seem to be able to cope with all the nonsense that we're going through fairly well, until I can't. And so far, just a little break has enabled me to get up and running again. Yes, I could get signed off but work is a bit of a coping mechanism for me as it distracts me.

NeedToKnow101 · 09/02/2020 09:43

Oh I just saw that they are using sick days to take them.

HarryElephante · 09/02/2020 09:44

I think if you are asking people to present you with a diagnosis before you accept they might be struggling, then you are Brigg incredibly unreasonable. The reason people are hesitant to share these issues are because people like you exist. Sure, some people may take advantage of it, but I would wager the vast majority don't.

But the pervading attitude of 'it was never like that in my day' will never leave us.

jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2020 09:47

You'll get lots of people taking about needing time to decompress or blow off steam or "breathe" but I agree

Is that not what annual leave is for - to have a break or a rest. I don’t understand how a “mental health” day fits surely it’s either annual leave or sick leave and your workplace has a system for managing excessive sick leave?

Tumbleweed101 · 09/02/2020 09:48

I think managers should know their teams well enough to know what is someone’s genuine need for a day off for a break and what is someone who has overindulged for a weekend!

Obviously they are handled in different ways and sometimes people have enough going on at work and home that a couple days off to recharge is what they need.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 09:48

Sometimes we all need a break.

The end of last year, beginning of this year was very stressful.

So I booked a week off.

Surely this is what people use annual leave for? Time to decompress.

I agree it's a bit wanky. Although I think its wanky because people seem to mis use them.

My friend killed herself last year. I went back to work. I shouldnt have done and my boss suggested I took a few days. I needed it.

But using sick leave to go on holiday and use claim you needed to for your mental health, is damaging to people who have genuine need for breaks for their mental health.

CakeandCustard28 · 09/02/2020 09:50

Totally agree with you. If they need some time off isn’t that what annual leave is for? Bank holidays? Weekends?
It seems anyone and everyone and their nan has “mental health” these days. Hmm

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 09:53

All good and well saying use annual leave but some of us work in industries where you cant just randomly book annual leave whenever you please.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 09:55

It seems anyone and everyone and their nan has “mental health” these days. hmm

Almost like people are now recognising the importance of taking care of our mental health... no health without mental health and all that. Glad to see it's still sneered at and stigmatised though.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 09/02/2020 09:58

I agree, people with genuine mh issues don't talk about mental health days.

With all due respect, that's bollocks. I have a serious diagnosed MH condition that I've spent time in hospital for. I'm now mostly in recovery but that's not a straight forward linear process. Sometimes I struggle. Some months every single day is a massive battle, just to get out of bed and move. And when you've been battling every day for a month, occasionally you'll not be able to pull that off for one day. I've definitely taken a mental health day in the past, after I spent an hour and a half in bed, feeling absolutely paralysed with a weird nameless panic, unable to move. I didn't want to, but I couldn't exactly get to work if I couldn't move.

I'm sure my boss thought, much like the OP, that I was just being a bit of a princess because she didn't know that I'd spent the last three weeks crying in a cupboard somewhere at least once a day, that I had to take sleeping pills at night and often diazepam to get me through the day and I had spent my lunch time on the phone to a psychiatric nurse on multiple occasions. But I didn't want to be signed off because I thought I could, overall, work through the episode. Just not every single day.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:00

Olliephaunt4eyes you have a mental illness for which you need time off and an understanding employer so you do work when you can. That isn't the same thing at all!

formerbabe · 09/02/2020 10:01

I worked with a woman who took an entire week off work because she broke up with her boyfriend Confused. I took less time off for a bereavement. Some people are very self indulgent.

jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2020 10:01

I’m not sure taking 3 days to go to Disneyland can be described as taking care of our mental health. As ever it’s the piss taking minority who make it difficult for folk who genuinely do need a couple of days to rest and regroup.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 09/02/2020 10:02

Additional note - in my experience OH are fricking useless with MH issues. The only advice I've ever had from them is "don't talk about having a MH condition as it might make your coworkers uncomfortable" and "have you considered keeping a mood diary?". No shit, Sherlock.

I can really understand why someone wouldn't feel that seeing them would be helpful, especially if they have psych support elsewhere.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:03

All good and well saying use annual leave but some of us work in industries where you cant just randomly book annual leave whenever you please.

No. but most you can book in advance. I had to wait 6 weeks for my week off.

If you need it right now, and cant cintinue that's a mental health crisis.

Not Justifying phoning in sick while you piss of on holiday, by falsely claiming it was for your mental health.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 09/02/2020 10:04

@StealthPolarBear - one of the posters above said that people with "real" MH conditions don't talk about "mental health days". I was responding to say that I do and I do. I also don't think the OP necessarily knows what is going on with her staff - it can be very hard to be sure, especially with mental health.

Fallofrain · 09/02/2020 10:04

"It seems anyone and everyone and their nan has “mental health” these days. hmm"

Funny that. Just like everyone has physical health, eveyone has mental health.

In the same way you can be a usually physically healthy person with no current significant diagnosis and still have a short period of being physically unwell and need a day off.