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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 11:06

Adaline not at all. If you're sick, stay off. If you're exhausted plan some rest time. On the days you're being paid to turn up and work, turn up and work, unless you're sick.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 11:08

For all those saying Annaul Leave is for R&R and decompression, I'm sure that the parents of small chidren will think you are joking

Nope. And I was a single parent of 2.

If life is so full on you cant plan regular time to decompress, how comes you all of a sudden have it on a work day at short notice?

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 11:09

"I haven't enough annual leave to waste it because I have a lot of private stuff to catch up with, or could do with a day of rest."
Your employer presumably can't afford to waste a day of your productivity because you have a lot of private stuff to catch up on or because you could do with a rest.
Employment isn't adult daycare!

AnnaMagnani · 09/02/2020 11:09

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

Maybe a chat about sickness policy, appropriate ways to call in sick - i.e. not by text, whether this was sickness or annual leave and how annual leave should be booked, a discussion about whether the week really was stressful or a normal expectation of the job and if she should see her GP?

A reminder for the whole team might not go amiss either.

wombatsandpythons · 09/02/2020 11:09

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LisBethSalander07 · 09/02/2020 11:10

It's the modern equivalent of the bad back. Can't be proved or disproved.

People are far self obsessed these days - generation snowflake. Did people who lived through the wars in this country need mental health days?

AlwaysCheddar · 09/02/2020 11:10

The younger generation tend to have zero resilience.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 11:11

If you're only going to turn up for 95% of the time you're fit for work (physically and mentally) then presumably you don't mind if your pay is adjusted accordingly.

midgebabe · 09/02/2020 11:11

If you have a mental health problem, no you should not be made to use your annual leave
If you are completely floored because of work stress, no that is not what annual,leave is for. Annual leave is for normal living not illness and burn out

The problem is that it is harder to tell a genuine mental problem than a simple physical one, and it is hard to understand how one person can be knocked back by something many others cope well with. And it is especially hard when you know that one person will be knocked back because they don't take care of themselves and they don't take responsibility for themselves ...and I feel like that is more common

If people are having regular problems then it needs to be discussed with occupational health if you have them, what adjustments are needed , conform they have seen a doctor l etc just like any other illness

AlexaAmbidextra · 09/02/2020 11:11

Ok boomer

ODFOD.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 11:11

Honestly it is bollocks that taking a "mental health" day off prevents serious mental illness. That is like saying taking a day off for a cold prevents serious physical illness.

I do get that if you are already experiencing serious mental health problems then 1 or 2 days off can help you get through and stop you quitting work altogether.

But feeling stressed or low is normal sometimes. Life is not easy. And the older you get the more likely you are to have lived through some really shit times where you were pretty low. That is life.

BohoBunney · 09/02/2020 11:12

Our absence management process would kick in if someone kept taking the odd day here and there like that
This. Surely if these prolific mh “fakers” are constantly taking days off and stressing out the team so much then HR would be aware and disciplinary action would be taken?

Having been there myself, I fail to see how one day off can prevent a mental health breakdown. You don't get magically better after a day if you're on the edge of a breakdown.
Having been there yourself you have no reason to be so ignorant to think everyone’s mh is the same. Its not about being on the edge of a breakdown it’s about seeing those triggers that can lead to a breakdown and acting on them days / weeks in advance, otherwise a breakdown would occur.

adaline · 09/02/2020 11:14

So how do you magically just not need to look after the kids if you take it as something other than annual leave?

Presumably the children are in school during your working hours, or with a childminder/at nursery.

MrsFezziwig · 09/02/2020 11:14

let's stigmatise mental illness even more.

How is it stigmatising it to actually treat it as a proper illness and have OH involved? It should be properly dealt rather than just being swept under the carpet with people having ad hoc sick days.

I’m also baffled by people who construct complicated personal lives for themselves and then expect their colleagues to do their work because obviously they couldn’t be expected to “waste” their own annual leave because their personal life is getting too much for them.

And re the Disneyland incident - I worked with someone who was sacked because he threw a sickie and was then dim witted enough to post about his (not commensurate with illness) activities on Facebook.

adaline · 09/02/2020 11:14

On the days you're being paid to turn up and work, turn up and work, unless you're sick.

What count as sick? Why is D&V or a migraine an acceptable reason to stay off, but MH issues aren't?

AlexaAmbidextra · 09/02/2020 11:15

For all those saying Annaul Leave is for R&R and decompression, I'm sure that the parents of small chidren will think you are joking.

Yes but you made the choice to have children. Surely you had anticipated that your time would be taken up looking after them?

PleaseStopCallingMe · 09/02/2020 11:16

YANBU - its an excuse for extra annual leave.
Resting and recuperating is what weekends and annual leave is for.
Sick days are for when you are genuinely too ill to work.

It really is as black and white as that.

"Mental Health Days" are just making it harder for people with genuine mental illness to be taken seriously.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 11:16

YDNBU OP. Our younger generation are a bunch of fragile snowflakes sadly, a pathetic lot. You can't say anything without offending someone, why should we feel as though we are walking on eggshells!? These alleged Mental Health Days are simply an excuse to be off work and are absolute bullshit IMO. If you are that "depressed" you can't handle work then quit/find a more suitable job/get some Prozac and stop letting down your management and teammates.
Our younger generation make me worry for our future. The world is a different place these days and it's not good.

People are far self obsessed these days - generation snowflake. Did people who lived through the wars in this country need mental health days?

Well I think the "older generation* ( whatever that is) should be utterly ashamed of themselves... after all they raided this generation of so called snowflakes. I mean if we are indeed a generation of snowflakes (I'm 34 so not sure if I count in the younger generation referred to) then it's the older generation that made us this way.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 11:17

MH issues are an acceptable reason. Feeling stressed or low is not a MH issue, it is normal.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 11:17

Mental illness is illness and is a valid reason for being off sick. I've said that consistently throughout this thread so you are arguing against something I've not said.

adaline · 09/02/2020 11:18

Feeling stressed or low is not a MH issue, it is normal.

Of course they're MH issues Hmm

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 11:19

And no a random day off does not stop a serious mental health illness several months into the future,
If you seriously think you are heading for a serious mental health issue, go to the Dr and get actual medical treatment such as talking therapies and/or medication. That is what will make a difference. Not one day at home chilling.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 11:20

They aren't illnesses. They may be associated with illnesses in the same way some physical symptoms may be. But if they're not then you aren't ill.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 11:21

Feeling stressed or low is not a mental illness. It is an ordinary part of life. We all feel stressed or low at times.
Do you honestly think it is normal to feel happy all the time? Because it is not. When shit things or stressful things happen, you are supposed to feel stressed or low.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 11:22

How is it stigmatising it to actually treat it as a proper illness and have OH involved? It should be properly dealt rather than just being swept under the carpet with people having ad hoc sick days

Unless you're also suggesting an automatic OH referral for the ad hoc physical illness days too them yes it is stigmatiaing.

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