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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
Fannia · 09/02/2020 10:05

OP I understand it's frustrating for the rest of the team when someone takes a day off, but look at your own case. If you had treated your own mental health a bit more carefully, and been encouraged to by those around you, maybe you would never have got so ill as to become clinically depressed and suicidal. Of course there is often underlying trauma when people get very bad MH problems but it is compounded by daily stress and not practicing good self care and relaxation.
At the same time mental health is still health and if you have a certain sickness policy this will still be followed whether it's mental or physical health. Most companies do and are pretty strict about it. So whilst I think a MH sick day is just as justified as a day off with a nasty cold if you keep doing it HR will have words either way.

traveller11 · 09/02/2020 10:05

YABU

I've had MH days randomly since 2013, so before it became trendy.

Sometimes, you do need a day to recharge if work has been hard or going through something in your personal life. It certainly didn't need Occupational Health to step in to make adjustments. I just needed some R&R before returning to work again

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:07

Fair rnough, sorry I misread

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:07

@traveller11 you dont get days off? Annual leave?

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:09

". I just needed some R&R before returning to work again"
Isnt that what wwwkends (or non working days if you don't work the normal pattern) are for?

SD1978 · 09/02/2020 10:09

I have 4 weeks of annual leave. I currently have 8 months of sick leave. If I have gotten to the point t where I feel I would be u safe or unprofessional in the workplace, dang straight I'd have some 'mental health' leave, even without a documented mental health history. Not everyone always deals with tho he and situations the same. Surely a day or two 'extra' (which is partially paid by you, as your employer takes some of your hourly wage for sick leave and pension anyway) is better than several mo the off when someone potentially snaps more spectacularly. So in theory, used correctly, I see no harm in it and dont see it as something to belittle if someone else needs to use it.

Isleepinahedgefund · 09/02/2020 10:09

Our absence management process would kick in if someone kept taking the odd day here and there like that especially if they then pissed off to Disneyland!

It sounds like they think giving it a mental health label makes it somehow more acceptable - I think in the old days we would have called it "pulling a sickie".

Unfortunately it's things like this that make people take serious mental health difficulties less seriously.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 09/02/2020 10:09

Going on holiday whilst on the sick like that is royally taking the piss.

Oulu · 09/02/2020 10:11

I'd have told Disneyland person that it was coming off her annual leave.

OhDoFluffOffDear · 09/02/2020 10:11

It's hard to tell between the piss takers and those that are genuine though.

I have had a really really hard time with repeated pregnancy loss that has caused quite severe at times, depression.

There's days and weeks where I feel work is the right place for me to be and then some days I'll wake up and think 'I can't'. The 'I can't' feeling can range from a day or two to weeks long. It's not one set thing. Sometimes I have no idea why some days affect me more than others.

lemonysnickett88 · 09/02/2020 10:12

As someone who has chronic depression and anxiety, I would agree. There's no such thing as mental health days because a day off does not cure mental health problems. I can understand stress and feeling overwhelmed by the workplace, but a day off isn't going to prevent you from becoming mentally ill either. I wish a simple day off would help. If only.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 10:12

Kirkman
Theres a pretty big area between "can wait 6 weeks till I'm in annual leave" and mental health crisis though.

I have cried at work (and at home) every single day for the past 2 weeks. I'm not in mental health crisis but I could really use a day where no one needs me or my time. Just one day to recharge. I'm just incredibly overwhelmed with work and home life at the moment. But becasue I work with people like on this thread (again, we all work in mental health which makes it even more ridiculous) I wotn get the support I need to take that time.

It's ok though, I have one of the magical unicorn days where I have no work and no childcare responsibilities coming up in 4 week, I've booked my mini breakdown in for then Hmm

iem0128 · 09/02/2020 10:14

Judging by the air quality, I reckon MORE people will have mental health problems. Don't think we need an institutionalised public holiday for Mental health day, but any reasonable employers should keep an eye out. Sometimes, some silly problem can become so big with these people that they can't extricate themselves and then go on a killing spree.

OhDoFluffOffDear · 09/02/2020 10:14

Also, I would probably say as well that there isn't anything work can change to help. Because there isn't. Unless they are planning on giving me a successful pregnancy any time soon.

Honestly I can go from thinking 'i'm really getting through this, I feel so much better' to 'I want to die' in a matter of days. I've never had such fluctuating emotions before in my life.

I agree some will take the piss. But unfortunately that always happens with things like this. You can't colour everyone with the same brush though.

victorioussponges · 09/02/2020 10:15

I don't think YABU, OP, but I do find it quite a tricky area. You have explained the key issues very well and I feel the same in many of those.

Our HR has recently talked about introducing a short notice annual leave system for days where you wake up and feel that you would prefer to be at home. I think that's a good compromise but I will be interested to see how they phrase the policy so that it differentiates from mental health sick days - mostly because I'm not too sure where to draw the line!

CaptainCallisto · 09/02/2020 10:15

I agree that there will always be people who take the piss, but that there can be a genuine need for a day just to decompress.

When I was 22 I was really struggling; my dad was very ill, my mum was working full-time as well as caring for him, and I was working extra shifts all over the place to try and get some extra money in (dad wasn't able to work during his illness), all while trying to finish my MA. I just didn't stop for about three months.

At work one day I just walked into the stock room and had absolute hysterics. I couldn't stop! My boss asked why I had come in if I was feeling like that. I just didn't want to let anybody down. He sent me home, told me not to come in the following day, and suggested that I stayed away from my coursework as well. I had a day of just sitting in the park with my book and it got me through the next few months. Sometimes that one day is needed!

HyperHippo · 09/02/2020 10:16

I'd link to to physical illness... You wouldn't take a day off for a headache, mild cold symptoms or a bit of a cough. You would probably find once at work, you would be busy or find strategies to get through the day and still be productive. But once it gets to the point you can't get out of bed, need to go to the doctors or have a contagious disease, you would.
Same with mental health. Feeling stressed, a bit anxious or low are all things you can get to work, keep busy, have a chat with a friend about and get through the day. Crippling anxiety, stress or depression which mean you can't get out of bed or get to the point of taking days off work are things to go to the doctor about.
Part of having good mental health is having resilience and strategies to get through the (to be honest very normal in every life) bad times and learn how to deal with it. Not avoiding anything vaguely painful. Life doesn't work that things are always rosy. A bad day isn't automatically mental health problem - it is life and part of having good mental health is recognising, accepting and coping with the bad times too.

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/02/2020 10:16

YABU
Taking one or two mental health days is preventative. It nips serious mental illness in the bud.
It’s like you get your car serviced every year to prevent the engine blowing up and the car being unable to drive. If you said, oh one day a year when the car seems to be driving fine, why bother servicing it? So you skip it. Yes the car can go longer but eventually the lack of regular servicing will cause a major mechanical failure.
Humans are not that different. Not taking care of stress or depressive symptoms early on. Trying to power through it instead of taking a day or two to “service it” results in major breakdowns later on. It’s how burnout happens.
If you had been able to take some mental health days when you first started feeling not all together. When the depression was forming like storm clouds, you might not have gone into a full breakdown.

JammyGem · 09/02/2020 10:16

I have depression and can have really really bad days- on these occasions I let my manager know and depending on the workload and how bad I am that day they'll either tell me to take a half day/day off or arrange some support and rejiggle our work so it's more manageable for me. I cannot state just how much this means to me and how lucky I am.

I think management are more supportive with me because they know I don't take the piss, and only flag up that I'm struggling with my mental health when I really am drowning and in danger of a breakdown. The majority of the time I get on with my work, I help other teams, and I'm really proud that others in the department say I'm brilliant at my job Grin

It's more productive and conducive for everyone if businesses support those with mental health issues, even if this means the occasional "day off". However, this only works if employees don't take the piss, and are genuinely struggling with (diagnosed) mental health problems. If someone just decides they want a day off because they're "stressed", then they're a bit of an arsehole and ruining it for those of us who genuinely need some time to recover and avoid a breakdown. Time off because you're stressed or need a break is called holiday - that's what your annual leave is for.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:17

@FormerlyFrikadela01 if you are crying all the time you are in a mental health crisis.

Or clear your weekend or whenever you say off is

Unfortunately, as a parent days where kids dont need you are rare. That would take alot of waiting for.

Most people cant just take a mental health and have their kids not need them for something that day at short notice

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:18

So sorry OhDoFluffOffDear

maddiemookins16mum · 09/02/2020 10:18

A colleague of mine booked a holiday abroad late last year, she had no annual leave left. Went to the Drs and got herself signed of with anxiety (she openly admitted to me she was fine and put on an act/tears). Two weeks off including a holiday abroad, work set up an Occupational Health appointment, she never went but regularly takes a day or two a month ‘off sick’ for her mental health.

JosefKeller · 09/02/2020 10:18

your company sounds amazing! People get away with that?

That nonsense wouldn't have been tolerated in any of the places I worked. Shame, I would go onto a 4 days a week otherwise, 5 days is all a bit too stressful for me Grin

Mintjulia · 09/02/2020 10:19

Imagine having a mental health day from being a mum. No fight with 11yo to do his French homework or find his manky sports kit that needs to be clean for Monday. No finding something to cook that everyone will eat without whining or rooting unspeakable hi nk out of the shower tray.

One a quarter would do nicely Grin

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:19

PlanDeRaccordement but surely that's why we have weekends /non working days and annual leave. Why do we need more on top of this?