Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 09/02/2020 10:19

We are planning to introduce duvet days which in effect are emergency A/L but you do not get grilled as to the reason so it could be a hangover, could be period pain that you know might be bearable with pain relief but you'd prefer to go back to bed and watch Netflix, you might have not slept well etc etc. We are hoping it will improve people's sickness records but also give them a bit more flex. We will review it after a year to see if it has had any impact. Just need to get HR to agree. We are NHS so the rules are fairly set in stone. Will be interesting if we can get it agreed.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 10:19

As someone who has chronic depression and anxiety, I would agree. There's no such thing as mental health days because a day off does not cure mental health problems. I can understand stress and feeling overwhelmed by the workplace, but a day off isn't going to prevent you from becoming mentally ill either. I wish a simple day off would help. If only.
Mental health is not just about diagnosable mental illness. So while yes you're right one day off would not prevent someone becoming clinically depressed, it may well help someone who is feeling that stress or anxiety around work or life to just carry on and work through it. It also makes more productive employees if they're not feeling like things are just too much.

Pennylane22 · 09/02/2020 10:20

So your view is that if someone is close to a proper mental break down they should keep going and going until they have a breakdown which needs a referral to occ health - instead of recognising they are on the edge and mentally exhausted and a day off NOW is what they need to come back from the edge.

I am doing ivf and took a mental health day - I didn’t need a referral to occ health I needed a day off as I couldn’t soilder on for a minute more (even though my next day off was maximum 5 days away Confused).

Your colleague going to Disneyland is nothing to do with it - that’s someone blatantly pretending to be ill to get off work - she could’ve just as easily said she had a vomiting bug.

I have to say you have a very medieval view of mental health where people should keep going till they have a full on breakdown instead of recognising they are getting there and need a break now.

GetUpAgain · 09/02/2020 10:23

My thoughts are

People have always done this but called it a stomach upset/bad back because of mental health stigma. People being honest at OP's workplace is a good thing.

The younger people are the less experience they have of life's challenges. Disneyland woman will probably look back and cringe in years to come. But we all build our resilience over time. I have coped with all sorts of shit that on paper sounds like a soap opera. That's how life goes for most people.

If your company can afford it, nothing needs to change. Continue with this kind policy.

If its unsustainable/ creating resentment then review the policy.

The more are kind to others, the more kindness there is in the world. That has to be a good thing even if a few of the recipients turn out to be piss takers.

EvaHarknessRose · 09/02/2020 10:24

I kind of agree with you. Saying that, one day before I had my hysterectomy I started crying on the way to work and literally couldn't stop so 40 minutes into the cryfest I spoke to my manager (we are a mental health team!) and she told me to take a mental health day. I sobbed all morning I have never been like that before or since. We all do difficult jobs, there will always have been times people pretended to.be physically ill because stuff like this happened to them.

Jaxhog · 09/02/2020 10:24

I am gobsmacked by this! I can't imagine any of the companies I've worked for allowing this under anything other than exceptional circumstances or with a proper sicknote from your doctor. Are we all becoming snowflakes?

peachesandclean · 09/02/2020 10:25

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14 (about to do my GCSEs), I never took any "Mental Health Days", I went into school everyday but my teachers worked with me to make my lessons and exams as least stressful as possible, because that's the right thing to do.

I think there's too many people taking the piss about what they are and it's becoming a major problem for a lot of people

Sexykitten2005 · 09/02/2020 10:25

I’ve just BOOKED a mental heath day using my annual leave. That’s what grown ups who don’t have serious mental health issues can do. Needing to decompress doesn’t just happen over night and people can generally see when they are getting to that point. All these people taking sick days because they are a little bit stressed and tired are just making it harder for people with genuine mental health issues to get the help they need because unfortunately most businesses will lump everyone in with the lowest common denominator- the pisstaker. It makes me angry because I have in the past had to be signed off work with stress, it was the push I needed to get out of an awful place and find a better job and I will never forget how hard it was to let the doctor sign me off even though I hadn’t slept for three days and had to be walked into the waiting room because I couldn’t do it under my own steam.

Your company should be pushing every single person who phones in sick for a mental health reason To occupational health or asking to see a doctors note. If someone truely needs to phone in sick on the day then they should have serious problems and be supported. Hopefully that would stop the idiots using that excuse.

Invisimamma · 09/02/2020 10:25

I do agree mostly with what you're saying. But to those people who say 'that's what weekends and annual leave are for'... Weekends and annual leave truly are not a break or restful for me in the slightest. I have small children and no extra childcare, dp and I work our shifts back to back so he can't give me a break either because if he's at home, I'm at work. Holiday care is really expensive and doesn't cater to shifts so all our annual leave gets used up trying to cover school holidays. It's bloody full on sometimes and sometimes the only way to get a break is to call in sick because dc are in regular childcare and there's no other demands on me. I know that's not right and I dony do it often but there have been a couple of times I've reached breaking point.

My work doesn't need covered by other people and I can catch up when I by get back. My dp is NHS and would never do this.

windymillersmill · 09/02/2020 10:25

When I reached the stage of very nearly crying in front of my class I went to speak to the boss. I had 2 days off and rested

@whostolemy Flowers I think you were right to take those 2 days.

CrazyKittenSmile · 09/02/2020 10:27

I don’t know. I was off work on Friday due to my mental health. I’d gone into A&E having self harmed and in crisis on Thursday night and didn’t get home until 5am; usually I try to force myself to work even after these episodes but it was the 3rd time at hospital receiving stitches this week and I was exhausted, my anxiety was through the roof and even though it was only one day to get through until the weekend it didn’t feel possible. I am sure people at work were asking why I couldn’t just manage one more day, especially as there is a lot of pressure on at work at the moment and staff shortages leading to increased workload. I did feel guilty all day and kept checking in with my team via text/ email and I intended to go in in the afternoon once I’d slept but had a massive panic attack when I tried to leave the house. I will try to go into work tomorrow but it’s possible I won’t be able to or that there’ll be another day next week where I can’t manage. It is really hard living with a mental illness, to most of my colleagues I probably seem fine most of the time and they have no idea what is going on but sometimes things just crash around me and having a day off work feels like the only option, even if it’s either side of the weekend it doesn’t always make a difference. It does make me feel awful and like I’m skiving but equally dragging myself into work when things start slipping often ends up escalating the crisis so it’s hard to find the balance between going in and being off and sometimes one day off at the right time can stop me needing several days off later on.

milliefiori · 09/02/2020 10:28

If your mental health is so bad that you can't get out of bed, it won't be cured in a day. The only purpose of a MH day would be time to go to the GP to get help and sort out medication and perhaps call a therapist for an emergency session if you need one. Otherwise it's just time off for feeling a bit down.
I actually feel a bit sorry for the generation that was raised to believe that any emotions other than upbeat ones are problematic and can't be coped with.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 10:31

How would people feel if they were booked in for surgery and it was cancelled at the last minute because the surgeon had called in a duvet day that morning?
Or if your child's teacher, or headteacher had a couple of duvet days each half term?

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 10:32

Your company should be pushing every single person who phones in sick for a mental health reason To occupational health or asking to see a doctors note. If someone truely needs to phone in sick on the day then they should have serious problems and be supported. Hopefully that would stop the idiots using that excuse.

Yes... let's stigmatise mental illness even more.

Fuck me I honestly thought we'd moved on from these draconian ideas.

Invisimamma I'm in the same boat. Back to back shifts and all annual leave is assigned to school holidays where possible. If im not at work im in sole charge of my 3 year old. I think the fact me and dp have soldiered on through multiple bad cold this winter without proper rest isnt helping.

victorioussponges · 09/02/2020 10:33

@HyperHippo

I'd link to to physical illness... You wouldn't take a day off for a headache, mild cold symptoms or a bit of a cough. You would probably find once at work, you would be busy or find strategies to get through the day and still be productive. But once it gets to the point you can't get out of bed, need to go to the doctors or have a contagious disease, you would.
Same with mental health.

I think this is the logic I follow for my own sick days, but there are many who take sick days for colds and say it's to nip it in the bud before it gets worse. You could say the same for a day where you wake up with low level anxiety or low mood. In both cases is heading off future more serious illness a legitimate reason for a sick day? Or should it only be where you are currently impaired at doing your job?

I'm genuinely not sure what the answer should be.

WobblyAllOver · 09/02/2020 10:33

I would have thought the same when I was younger but with experience I think it's better to have a day 'sick' to recharge mentally than to muddle along and be less productive or off for longer when it gets to breaking point.

I also used to wonder why there was a big push on mental health awareness but I can see from this thread why it is still needed. Just because someone 'pulls themselves together' doesn't mean everyone can.

I presume all those saying you shouldn't have a day off for mental health are the same ones who look on any illness as a type of weakness.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 10:37

How would people feel if they were booked in for surgery and it was cancelled at the last minute because the surgeon had called in a duvet day that morning?

How would you feel been operated on by a surgeon who felt exhausted and overwhelmed? Who perhaps had to really force themselves into work that morning?

ginghamstarfish · 09/02/2020 10:37

In theory it's a good idea but like everything else 'free', attracts pisstakers who KNOW they will not be questioned about a 'mental health day'. I think the 'duvet day' idea is best, gives everyone an equal chance, pisstakers and responsible workers alike, and comes out of annual leave. For those with serious MH issues then of course a GP visit and sick leave is a different matter.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:39

Most people get 2 days off. If you need to mentally recharge, use one of those.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:41

@ginghamstarfish yes. That's what should be done. 2 days you can take short notice leave.

But of course in lots of jobs people wont/cant take these.

JosefKeller · 09/02/2020 10:43

In theory it's a good idea but like everything else 'free', attracts pisstakers who KNOW they will not be questioned about a 'mental health day'.

do you know, I don't even think it would be piss takers. We ALL have to juggle things and have some kind of stress in our lives, it may be children, relatives, health, we all have issues or need time at some point.

There's always a few days when you would benefit from not going to work, but not waste annual leave on them.

so of course it should be for everyone, that's the problem. I honestly believe we don't have enough time off in this country (others might be worst, but that doesn't make our entitlement right)

jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2020 10:44

I will never forget how hard it was to let the doctor sign me off even though I hadn’t slept for three days and had to be walked into the waiting room because I couldn’t do it under my own steam.

In all honesty by that point things have gone too far. There has to be a balance between “I feel a bit stressed and a bit down, I’m going to stay home today” and a full physical/mental breakdown. Life is hard going for lots of people and a bit of wiggle room can make the difference between coping and not - for me that’s what I use annual leave for. I have days when I’m really struggling to keep it together, that’s when I’ll take a days sick leave. If that doesn’t help settle me I might need a longer sick leave.

I guess the “mental health day” grates a bit because it’s become a bit of a catch all and doesn’t really say what’s wrong other than someone needs a day at home.

Vulpine · 09/02/2020 10:45

Ive never taken a 'mental health' day in my life but then i dont get paid if i dont go into work and also work has helped me through some of the most mentally challenging times of my life

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 10:45

There's always a few days when you would benefit from not going to work, but not waste annual leave on them..

Eh? If you need to not go to work, that's exactly what annual leave is for.

Thinkingabout1t · 09/02/2020 10:45

YANBU and I sympathise. The Disneyland trip would have got the piss-taker sacked 20 years ago. Do the other managers realise how bad this is for staff morale? I have worked with piss-takers and seen how much resentment those around them are bottling up — sometimes taking out their annoyance in other ways. Really bad idea to allow this.