AIMB to this houseguests should bring a gift?

[Blackberrybunnet]

I will try to be concise. Recently met up with old friends who live in another city. We were once very close but time and distance came between us. So, maybe 20 years down the road, we met up again and I invited them to visit for the weekend. They did, but brought nothing at all in the way of a thankyou gift- no wine, no flowers - nada! At the time I thought, oh well,they will send a thank you card or some flowers later. Nope. Nothing. Neither did they invite us to theirs in return- although she has since said on FB "we must get together again". AIBU to feel miffed? They didn't need to come at all if they didn't want to! I understand that they might not feel like resuming the relationship, but why not even a thanks for the visit? Or a bunch of flowers at the time? We aren't a hotel!!! I Almost felt like billing them afterwards(I didn't, btw!). When I commented on this to another friend, she said , disparagingly, " you're cross because they didnt bring you a present?" This made me wonder if IABU? Any comments?

I don't think you should expect it, but a gift is nice when given.

YABU, I don't expect guests to bring me presents. You invited them, it's not like they invited themselves.

YANBU - it’s basic good manners to bring a token gift when someone who isn’t family is hosting you. Maybe others disagree, but did me this is basic etiquette. Same goes for bring invited round for dinner and turning up without something such as wine or flowers.

To me, not did me

YABU; I rarely give gifts when I’m a houseguest, and equally rarely receive them from my houseguests. Usually send/receive a ‘thank you for a lovely weekend’ text, but that’s all.

YANBU - I would always bring something - wine/jam/chutney sort of thing.

It’s bad manners not to bring a gift or contribution towards at least one meal.

I think it’s granny to expect gifts in any circumstances.

Haha! Grabby!

is contributing towards the weekend a "present"? esp if it is e.g. some wine that we will all drink? I don't think I would turn up empty-handed to a dinner party, far less a weekend stopover!

It would never occur to me that guests would bring a present

YANBU. They should have brought something as a gift, offered to pay for a meal out while they stayed or sent a card or flowers or wine after they left. You are not a free hotel!!!

Whereas, if I were visiting someone for a meal or to stay with them, I would take some flowers and a bottle of wine, you do seem unduly angry about this. I don't know if it is your posting style but you are coming across as genuinely angry about this.
I couldn't get worked up about it - I'd just think 'Oh, they've not brought anything with them... a bit rude but no matter'

I think yanbu. To all those who say you shouldn't expect anything, would you turn up empty handed??? I certainly wouldn't! It's just manners!

YABU

I ordinarily bring gifts when I’m visiting someone although I would never ever expect that in return.

There should never be an expectation for gifts. I would be quite content with their company, with or without a gift.

is contributing towards the weekend a "present"? esp if it is e.g. some wine that we will all drink?

Yes, I would say so - it's the host who'll decide whether to get the gifted wine out for everyone.

We stayed with friends for a few days, and I took shopping from the UK; plus wine, dairy milk and Lindt. I bought and cooked dinner one night, and we took them out to eat as well.

YABU. I would never take or expect a gift. Surely asking them to stay should have been a kind gesture on your side. There should be no expectation of a gift.

yeah, BfG, I guess I have become a bit cross about it, mainly because at the time although I just thought it a bit rude, then afterwards when I mentioned it to another friend they made out like I was being greedy expecting something. That made me think about it more than I otherwise would have. I wasn't actually expecting a "gift" per se, just though at the time that in the same position I would have brought some flowers or a bottle of wine. Seems I was wrong!

It’s a simple lesson we all learned as children:

You don’t give to receive

That applies in this scenario. You don’t give someone the offer of staying with you and expect them to give you something in return. And in any case, they gave you their company and time. Why don’t you value that more?

I always take something, Flowers, chocolate..etc... but I can honestly say it foesnt bother me one jot if my guests turn up empty handed, I had never thought about it before. I don't believe its bad manners.

When I commented on this to another friend, she said , disparagingly, " you're cross because they didnt bring you a present?" This made me wonder if IABU? Your friend has a point.

I wouldn't expect it at all. Sometimes I bring a gift but not often. If it was expected I'd never be able to visit my friends because I can't afford to keep bringing gifts!

Yabu

I would never go to someone’s home without bringing something - wine, chocolates, flowers or whatever. Even if I was nipping round to someone’s for coffee I would bring biscuits or cake. I would be surprised to have someone turn up here empty-handed.