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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloke who I gave a BJ too has moved close to us

201 replies

Sixteenbars · 08/02/2020 00:02

Sorry TMI!
When I was 17 I was experimenting sexually and gave a random guy a BJ at a house party. Turns out his best mate was actually going to end up as my dp and the father of my two dc's.
Quite soon after we got together dp fell out with this friend, partly due to... that, Partly due to the friend saying dp had changed since we started going out (17 and we thought we were so deep!)
Now the guy has quite innocently bought a house opposite our dd's school, on the next road down from us. I've already bumped into him twice (no acknowledgement from either of us.) Should I mention it to DP? I think he'd laugh but also (strangely) might get a bit paranoid?

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 08/02/2020 00:20

He probably doesn’t even remember or give it a second thought. I wouldn’t recognise some of the men I was intimate with years ago!

Looloobettyboo · 08/02/2020 00:20

Wer u and dp together at the time.. if not why did dp fall out with him over it?

dontgobaconmyheart · 08/02/2020 00:21

Eh Confused I doubt anyone cared OP? You were barely an adult and it was a regrettable drunken BJ , he may not even remember it? I doubt he is thinking about it either way - most people wouldn't. What is there to move past? It obviously wasn't very intimate - a random bj at someones house party. Intimate?

Don't bring it up OP it's really odd to do so, just move on. It's nothing. If your DP brings it up he's bloody weird, it isnt any of his business. Presumably he is no virgin.

Why did they fall out because you gave him a bj at 17 btw? He is with you now but doesnt talk to him, because...you chose to give him a bj? Don't get it! Great thread title though, hilarious.

FarTooSkinny · 08/02/2020 00:21

You need to normalise it by mentioning it to your DP most days. And mention the size of his member. Use the word girth.

TimeMarchesOnNeverEnding · 08/02/2020 00:23

I totally understand your discomfort but there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a guy a blow job. Nothing to feel embarrassed about and nothing to regret. You were 17 doing what (some) 17 year olds do.

You just feel this way because society tells us real girls don't behave that way and that it makes you 'slutty'. It does not.

Say hi, don't say hi, it's up to you. You definitely don't need to tell your DP though (again, unless you want to).

Original poster
Sixteenbars · 08/02/2020 00:23

@Looloobettyboo no we weren't together but I think this guy used to mention me in less than favourable terms to dp and it annoyed him a bit. They were teens, it was silly.
Glad everyone else has similar embarrassing stories! It's definitely not a huge deal but my lack of ex's probably makes me overthink things.

OP posts:
butwhateverfor · 08/02/2020 00:25

@Fartooskinny Yes. Also comparisons to cans of Pepsi work well.

BillieEilish · 08/02/2020 00:28

You've had an abnormally low number of relationships (none bar DH) so are giving this WAY to much thought.

It means nothing to anyone. Forget it.

Original poster
Sixteenbars · 08/02/2020 00:34

@BillieEilish I think I already said that. Abnormal is a bit loaded. I would never dream of saying someone has an abnormally high number of sexual partners, I think it's unkind to discuss someone at the opposite end of the scale as 'abnormal.'

OP posts:
Spartak · 08/02/2020 00:46

When you say experimenting sexually, did he have some strange object attached to his cock? A pineapple maybe or a mango maybe?

If not, a standard blow job half a lifetime ago is not worth a second thought. Would you want your DH letting you know that he'd gone down on the woman that lives round the corner when he was 17? Just forget it.

KatyCarrCan · 08/02/2020 00:50

Are you worried about how your DP will react? Is he jealous and possessive?

wombatsandpythons · 08/02/2020 00:53

Not to sound rude love but please, grow up!

Fieldofgreycorn · 08/02/2020 00:55

Are you worried about how your DP will react? Is he jealous and possessive?

Ooh plot twist.

VenusTiger · 08/02/2020 00:56

OP you're basically expecting this stranger (cos that's who he is let's face it) to not live anywhere near you, or work anywhere near you or socialise anywhere near you, in case you bump into him!!! I mean have you heard yourself? Have you never remained friends/on friendly terms with an ex? You really need to chill out - he's kind of had many, many more experiences since yours - you're making it sound like it was last week, or that he became a monk and has only ever been intimate with you. You can't control him.

TheVanguardSix · 08/02/2020 00:58

Oh my heavens, don't even give it a second thought. One of my oldest friends is a guy I gave a blow job to 25 years ago! Grin It was just the once but we worked together and became good mates, nothing more ever, not even a hint of a kiss after that one experience. I must have been crap now that I think about it. Grin
It's a blowjob. And it was yonks ago. Don't even worry about it OP. It's no big thing at all. And he won't even remember. Even if he does, the two of you aren't stuck in the same place as you were 15 years ago. You're both different now on account of life experience. You really don't need to share this with your DP. What good would come of telling him? Not a whole lot. There's no need for him to know. It's got no place in your current situation so just leave it in the past. You don't need to treat this as some sort of 'guilty conscience' thing. Don't even go there. Nothing to feel ashamed of!

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/02/2020 01:03

You seem to be putting some sort of meaning on sexual experiences that doesn't necessarily exist. Why should a blow job in the past be any different from a kiss in the past or going out to the cinema, or staying up to the early hours of the morning sharing secrets and giggling?

It doesn't. It's only awkward if you have spent much of the last 15 years wondering if maybe you should have stayed with BJ guy.

ReallyLilyReally · 08/02/2020 01:03

Hey OP, i think some people are giving you a bit of a hard time over this - i think its really understandable that this situation has thrown you for a loop a little bit, cos you've never dealt with anything like it before! Don't overthink it, this is just one of those weird things in adulthood that everyone pretends isn't happening, like hearing your parents having sex or someone farting in a meeting, just put on your best polite face and carry on as normal! Maybe say to your husband "i bumped into X on the school run, theyve bought a house near the school, small world!" And then move the conversation on to what youre having for dinner or the state of modern politics or something.

Unless of course as someone said, you're concerned that your DH may get unreasonably jealous or possessive, in which case keep the info to yourself, and if you don't feel comfortable or safe, maybe speak to someone else you trust about it. Obviously this is an unlikely scenario and i bet your DH is just lovely, but it has to be said.

Downunderduchess · 08/02/2020 01:04

I don’t understand the vitriol of other posters. I would certainly be a bit weirded out at first upon seeing someone from my past that had been my partners friend that I happened to perform oral sex on prior to being with my partner. We can’t all be so cool & blasé about these things.

I would probably mention it to my partner as if he realises you knew he had moved into the area & didn’t say he may wonder why. But after that nothing more needs to be said or done. It’s in your past and not part of your life now.

1forAll74 · 08/02/2020 01:04

He might have had a lot of BJ's from many women, and may not remember yours. !

somm · 08/02/2020 01:07

'He probably doesn’t even remember or give it a second thought. I wouldn’t recognise some of the men I was intimate with years ago!' [thesearmsofmine]

Awful as it sounds, I don't think I'd even recognise my first husband if I bumped into him on the street now, never mind the other men that have passed through my life. In my defence I married him at 20 (he was 30) after being together five months, and the marriage ended in the 80s.

Boom45 · 08/02/2020 01:07

I live in the same city that both me and my DH grew up in, we have a reasonable number of exes scattered around between us. It's fine, it's normal, you'll soon get used to it.

TeaAndCake321 · 08/02/2020 01:16

Experimenting 😆? I highly doubt he remembers and even if he does I don't think he'll care 15 years on.

lorettalemon · 08/02/2020 01:22

I think some of the pps are being a bit harsh - I completely understand why you might feel a bit awkward about it! It probably won't seem such a big deal once you've seen him around a couple of times, it's not like he's going to want to mention it to people- it's not exactly the sort of thing you'd tell the neighbours! Unless your DH is the type to drag stuff up from the past and go on and on about it then I really wouldn't worry!

puds11 · 08/02/2020 01:22

The ghost of blow jobs past...

If you see him, just obviously hide. That should do it.

Yellowandpurple78 · 08/02/2020 01:28

Well this now seems to have become a page for people to boast about their wealth of sexual experience.

OP - I don’t think any number of sexual experience or partners is abnormal. I’m glad you know that too and aren’t feeling bullied by some of the PPs here.

I’d probably mention it to your DP and then try and forget about it. Hopefully you won’t see much of him, as sounds like he wasn’t the nicest character if he enjoyed slut-shaming you to your DP (if I’ve understood correctly).

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