Partner and csa payments

[Justaquery88]

Ok so before I get flamed here is the background

My partner has an 11 year old daughter with ex she has remarried she earns 40k and her husband around the same. They holiday three times a year money is not short at all.

We have three kids together and partner has to pay csa £300 a month but we are in a very bad financial state atm. His ex says he only has him one night a fortnight this is not true but without a court order to prove she’s lying csa won’t listen.

We are in debt can’t afford luxuries for our own three no holidays in a few years. If we pretended that we broke up he would have to pay me csa and his payments to her lowered.

Morally yes this is wrong but she is not a nice person to us at all

Legally where do we stand? No we won’t be claiming benefits or anything like that just csa which he will pay me
And I’ll put into the family joint account

Oh I see @HughGrantsHair.

I see.

I have strong opinions on Brexit.

Given the chance I’d solve it with a 1 page grovelling letter

Why are you expecting me to have the answers? This is bizarre. Its like you cant say you wish something was better without a watertight business plan endorsed by alan sugar himself

How do you mean taking both parents income into account? Do you mean one parent contributing less if the other parent earns more?

My mates ex feels this way because ‘she earns well’. His CMS is £15pw. She earns national average wage.

A while back he asked for a reduction as he wanted to take the teen to the cinema...

Even the teen was

It’s fine, you don’t have to answer @getyourarseoffthequattro, I was only asking the question because I wondered if you had a preferred model or an idea of one.

I didn’t mean to get your back up.

Ive already said yes when its appropriate. Why are you so interested considering im not in charge of cms and this will likely never happen?

LASH and in my opinion it wouldn't work anyway because the first thing that needs to happen is to enforce payment.

If an NRP earns more than an RP and their maintenance was increased, it makes no difference to the RP if they can't get any money off of the NRP. They have to pick up the flack.

Whereas if an RP earns more, they'll just receive less maintenance if they receive any in the first place.

More needs to be done to ensure it is paid in the first place in my opinion.

I think we are all in agreement with that @hugh

Actually, wasn’t the original CSA model extremely convoluted? Taking into account accommodation payments and what not instead of a flat % rate?

It’s funny how the government have adjusted the calculation but have never made any move (to my knowledge) to ensure enforcement.

Yes the old system was like that.

And the CMS have lots of enforcement opportunities now. However in my experience, they don't use them.

hugh in reality no system will ever work properly because there are too many variables. Someone will always be unhappy with it.

No they dont enforce it at all. My mum got a letter when i was 22 (been working since 16) saying they were still working on her case and chasing 3.5k from my dad. She never got it surprise surprise!

I’m off to have a look at what enforcement opps they ignore...

It’s such a minefield.

Of my separated friends, I know a few who happily share costs of the child.

CMS are involved in the conflict situations and both sides seem unhappy and resentful by it.
My DH fell out with a friend over his ‘she’s spending it on hair and nails’ nonsense. He asked the guy what he thought would be a fair contribution to his child’s upkeep and he went nuts!

No doubt that debt has been written off now Quattro. Last time I spoke to them they said we can't guarantee we will ever get any money. We have to say that now because with the old system, we used to promise we'd get the arrears but then they were suddenly written off and we had lots of very understandably irate RPs.

How depressing.

For instance dp paid x amount to ex for dss. She always complained it was not enough. Kept asking for reasaessments. Asked me for a contribution etc. We alwaus paid cms amount plus half of uniform trips etc and all phonebill and rugby stuff and anything related. It still wasnt enough in her eyes.

Cut to dss living with us. Her payment was around half of what dps was to her as shes several other kids lower wage whatever else. She didnt pay any extras and she thought she was paying too much.

Didnt matter to us as what we werent paying in cms paid for (and more) having dss live with us.

It does show that no matter what you do someone will still complain.

Exs generally dont like each other and i imagine that probably wont change any time soon.

I would imagine so hugh!

My dad actually rang her having recieved a letter to ask if shed drop it since i didnt need it any more. Twat!

That NRP is a hypocrite for thinking her payment was too much when the boot was on the other foot. Poor kid.

In her eyes lash because we are a 2 income household we are "very well off" and therefore didnt need maintenance from her, a single parent.

Equally we could afford more maintenance because we had 2 incomes.

Ah, a bit like the NRP’s who feel the government gives money to look after the child so why should I.

NRP partner incomes are of no concern. She should know that.

It’s really sad for the child caught in the middle of all this as resentments must build.

For me, i resented her attitude in the very beginning. I just couldnt understand it and found it frustrating. Now, in all honesty i just dont care. If she wants to live her life stewing over every £ thats up to her. Resenting her shitty attitude wont change it so i dont bother.

Dss doesnt miss out financially though it is us that ensures that not his mum.

He does however mention things shes said and its clear that we are a regular topic of conversation in her home. We dont speak about her ever really. If ds talks about her we are positive.

Dont get me wrong i dont have any respect for the woman but i wont make myself stressed over her. Not worth it. Just like anything in life. Stress usually only makes it worse!