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Original poster

Partner and csa payments

543 replies

Justaquery88 · 07/02/2020 16:21

Ok so before I get flamed here is the background

My partner has an 11 year old daughter with ex she has remarried she earns 40k and her husband around the same. They holiday three times a year money is not short at all.

We have three kids together and partner has to pay csa £300 a month but we are in a very bad financial state atm. His ex says he only has him one night a fortnight this is not true but without a court order to prove she’s lying csa won’t listen.

We are in debt can’t afford luxuries for our own three no holidays in a few years. If we pretended that we broke up he would have to pay me csa and his payments to her lowered.

Morally yes this is wrong but she is not a nice person to us at all

Legally where do we stand? No we won’t be claiming benefits or anything like that just csa which he will pay me
And I’ll put into the family joint account

OP posts:
getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:45

You are attacking me. How have i misquoted you? I literally copied and pasted what you wrote.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:50

And took it out of context. You said why should your child lose out in the event of his father dying when your step child would gain. I merely pointed out in the way things stand your step son will lose out too as his mother's income will decrease and she'll still have to pay her mortgage.

Let me say it again. I have both biological children and step children. They both deserve the best that can be afforded to them. They didn't ask to be put inbetween warring adults.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 20:51

Your insurance doesnt cover you.

I didnt say you were a bad parent. I said it shows the type of person you are. Person and parent are 2 different things.

I cant imagine finding it funny that my son and dss would financially lose out if dp died and I would struggle. Just not funny to me.

You did brag. No one asked you if you had insurance. You just said you did and then admitted you would be still fucked.

Not sure how that's great financial planning.

No one is attacking you theya re engaging in a debate. You keep saying people want to see your son homeless, no one said anything of the sort

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:53

Declared you had insurance and stated that it would have nothing to do with the ex. I only responded to that because I don't believe it to be true. I wasn't attacking.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:53

What makes you think we are warring?
Your comment in any context was rude and condescending.

The way things are now my step son will be affected much less than my own son. I think thats enough, so does dh and tbh his is the only opinion that matters to me. Yours doesnt.

Youve been rude and disrespectful.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:56

How? How have I been rude? How have I been disrespectful?

It would be warring if your SS's mother had to take you to court to try and claim money from your partner's estate in the event of his death. Because she will of course be thinking of her best interests and that of her child and you the same.

And they don't need that when they're dealing with the loss of their father.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 20:56

Your insurance doesnt cover you
Yes it does.

I didnt say you were a bad parent. I said it shows the type of person you are. Person and parent are 2 different things.

I cant imagine finding it funny that my son and dss would financially lose out if dp died and I would struggle. Just not funny to me
I dont find that funny. i found it funny that what you said was wrong.

You did brag. No one asked you if you had insurance. You just said you did and then admitted you would be still fucked

Mentioning you have something isnt bragging? I never said "id be fucked" please tell me where i have?

Not sure how that's great financial planning

Ok martin lewis not sure i asked for your opinion.

No one is attacking you theya re engaging in a debate. You keep saying people want to see your son homeless, no one said anything of the sort ok love. Are you done ripping me apart now?

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 20:59

PMSL

Do you think you are rude and disrespectful at all? I'm genuinely interested.

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 21:02

Yes it does.

No you arent. Because both your son and dss would have a reduced income. You said it yourself. They will both equally lose out.

That's not covered.

Mentioning you have something isnt bragging? I never said "id be fucked" please tell me where i have?

You have said your ds would lose out massively. Banged on about being homeless if you even give a sniff to dss.

I wasnt wrong. You are just convinced everyone wants your ds to suffer you cant even read what people are saying.

Ok martin lewis not sure i asked for your opinion.

Didnt say you did. It's a discussion. You dont want to discuss, dont volunteer the information.

Are you done ripping me apart now?

You finished being a professional level victim. How is pointless thing out no one said tour son should be homeless, ripping you apart?

Kirkman · 09/02/2020 21:06

Me and dp have life insurance too. None of it will benefit the ex if he dies unless i say so anyway...

Not bragging. You seem very proud that your dss will only get something if you say so. Proud your dp hasnt thought of his son.

Just because you see it as the ex benefitting?

Your life insurance isnt great if it only covers the minimum. Obviously set up for your mortgage.

Though I suspect ot covers far more than that. You just know it's a shitty attitude. The whole 'only if I say so'

You need to stop think about stuff benefitting the ex and realise it's for dss. Not the ex

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 21:24

@getyourarseoffthequattro this is the second thread where you’ve been quite... forceful about mum/stepchild getting CM.

Out of interest, how much CM do you think NRP should pay RP for the upkeep of the child/ren?

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 21:47

@LASH38 forceful? Ive disagreed with op here??
I think they should get what cms reccomend?

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 21:53

Ok this is starting to feel like bullying now @mnhq

Please can you all stop ripping me apart now and fabricating shit like "proud dp hasnt thought of his son" Confused

I do feel like im being ripped apart to be honest yes. Im actually pretty fed up of asking you to back the fuck off.

Please can you just leave me alone now?

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 21:56

Forceful - I mean you appear have strong opinions on maintenance full stop so I was just curious as to what you feel is acceptable.

For example, here you have Mentioned:

*nobody said it isnt enough weve just said what one child gets in maintenance is often more than children at home get spent on them.

I think the cms needs overhauling completely.*

So I wondered what you think could make it better.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 21:59

Yes. Hardly revolutionary is it. I think more factors should be considered and i think it should be much harder to avoid paying.

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 22:04

Yes it should be harder to avoid paying.

Is that all you’d change? I’m not sure that’s a complete overhaul to be honest.

You feel that the non resident child often gets more spent on them. Should the CMS even this out?

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 22:07

I also said it needs to take into account more factors??

I dont see how the cms could possibly even it out considering everyones household income and outgoings are totally different.

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 22:09

ok, so I’m wondering what factors you think should be taken into account?

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 22:13

Both parents incomes would be the main one.

I feel like im on a game show. Did i get the right answer? Do i win a prize?

Or is this just an oppurtunity to tell me im an awful person again?

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 22:18

I don’t think you are a bad person, I don’t know you. I don’t mean to antagonise you (which I think you may be feeling by the snippy game show comment).

However this is the second thread that you’ve criticised the CMS/maintenance and I just wondered if you had a model in mind. It doesn’t seem to work for anyone really?

I don’t think partner salaries are included in CMS? So it would only be parent incomes included?

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 22:20

Disclaimer I'm not attacking anyone. I'm asking a question because I'm genuinely interested in how to overhaul the maintenance system too.

How do you mean taking both parents income into account? Do you mean one parent contributing less if the other parent earns more?

I'd love to have a better system which is fair and actually makes people pay what they owe. They'll never be able to please everyone though.

LASH38 · 09/02/2020 22:20

Anyway, you mentioned that the home children get less spent on them, that the system should be over hauled and other factors taken into account.

I just wondered if you had tangible suggestions, but I don’t want to put you on the spot like a politician so I’ll leave it there.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 22:22

LASH I took Quattro's comment to mean the NRP and the RPs income to be taken into account. Not the partners of them. Maybe I was wrong though.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 22:25

I mean both parents. Not step parents or partners.

I do think it should be changed. As do many people. Not sure why youre expecting me to have the answers?

I think brexits a shit show too but im not saying i could solve it single handedly.

getyourarseoffthequattro · 09/02/2020 22:27

How do you mean taking both parents income into account? Do you mean one parent contributing less if the other parent earns more?

Yes if its appropriate.

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